Gag. Gag. Gag.

You know, this whole “follow your dreams” thing is getting a little old, right?

Coming from me, that’s probably surprising.

But the problem is that so much of it is fluff.  So much out there encourages you to start “living the life of your dreams,” while frolicking on a big white puffy cloud and nibbling on a tray of bon-bons.  Let’s all join hands now in our camel-colored moccasins and braid one another’s hair while singing to the god of daydreams, already.

The truth of that matter is that nobody knows what a damn bon bon is in the first place, and secondly, that nobody knows what their “dreams” are, either.  EXCLAMATION!

Did that sound like me yelling?  Because I was totally yelling.

Just Like Everything Else, We Do Whatever Society Tells Us To

So since there’s all this newfound hoighty toighty pressure to “follow your dreams,” and since most of us, by and large, do whatever the hell society tells us to do, here we are running around like a pack of rabid tortoises (yeah, tortoises), drooling all over ourselves and trying, with no avail, to become all “enlightened” and “free” and “happy” and “zen” and “I-don’t-know-why-I’m-doing-this-but-I-only-own-100-things-ish-because-clearly-I’m-not-a-good-person-if-I-own-more-than-one-pair-of-shoes.”  Assuming tortoises wear shoes, of course.

I guess that’s what they call a movement. Don’t even get me started on how annoyed I’m becoming with that word.  Movement…crusade…tribe…cult…still-not-thinking-for-ourselves.  Aaacck.

Anyway, back to the flock of tortoises.  Here we are, trying to make like foxes and run into the wind, but there’s one little problem (besides the fact that if we really were tortoises, those shells would be crazy heavy to run with):

WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE’RE RUNNING TTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yelling.  Again.  Pardon my exclamation point.

Everyone keeps preaching that we need to follow our dreams (guilty of this), but how can we do that if we haven’t first taken the time to figure out what those even are?

I talk to people every day who become frustrated; they’ve tried several paths, haven’t been happy with any of them, and are starting to get discouraged.  They’re starting to believe that resigning themselves to life as a secretary might be the better route, after all.  And you know what?  If you’re happy being a secretary, then fantastic.  But many of you won’t be.  But it’s the easier path, so you’ll take it.  Because you’re frustrated with trying so hard to follow your dreams, but you’re still not happy.  But that’s just because you don’t actually have a clue what your dreams even are; you’re just sort of throwing things up there until one sticks. And that’s sometimes an effective method…but it’s not very efficient.  And since we’ve only got, oh…say…40 years or so, you might want to consider an alternative.

We’re a fast food nation.  We demand speed.  We want everything on the double.  And dreams are no exception.  So instead of taking the necessary time to figure out what they are, we opt to dive into whatever we think might suit our fancy at the time.  And then we’re disappointed when we realize that–wait a minute–we aren’t that crazy about this or that after all, and since we aren’t crazy about it, we don’t put the necessary time and effort into it.  And if we aren’t doing that, then nothing’s going to happen–certainly not dreams coming true.

This Is Not About Soul Searching

If we want all that sexy enlightenment and freedom and happiness and zen, we’ve got to take the time to figure out what path will bring us those things.

Most people assume that they’ve simply got to do a little “soul-seaching.”  (Quotation marks are clearly the highlight of this post.) So they sit down, pour themselves a cup of coffee, do a little thinking, and then assume that they’ve got the answer.

If only it were that easy.

This is not about soul searching.  Sure, that’s nice and all, but soul searching is incredibly limiting.

The only things that we know, are that which we’ve experienced.  So in doing soul searching, we’re actually performing an inventory of the things we’ve done in the past.

But what about everything else out there that we haven’t yet experienced?

If you really want to increase the quality of your life, and find some zen happiness once and for all, the key is not soul searching.  The key lies in getting out there and doing things that you haven’t done before.  Because clearly, the things you’ve already been doing haven’t been that compelling–or you’d probably be on the road to sexy happy zen land by now–or at least have a better idea of where it lies on a map.

It requires some guts!  It requires some risk-taking.  It requires new experiences.  And it requires you to get off your butt and start doing something–not just thinking about what you already like.  There’s so much out there that you don’t even know you like yet, and one of those things might just be the very thing you’ve been missing this entire time.

NEW IS NECESSARY.

Stop being a chicken.

Go be somebody.

AFTER you figure out who that somebody is that you want to be.

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A Little Story From My Childhood

We were only in the 6th grade.  I had been friends with Angie since I moved to the area in the 1st grade.  She was my first friend, as a matter of fact, which is why when I walked into the locker room to change for gym class and I heard my new friends–the “cool” crowd–picking on Angie, taunting her and insisting she still played with unicorns, I had to defend her.  Despite the fact it was only 6th grade, it didn’t make cliques any less real; I should know since I was a member.  But it was in that moment that I saw how I could use that position to do good.

I rounded the corner and interrupted their catty laughter: “You should talk, Veronica–wasn’t that a Barbie collection that I saw at your house last weekend?” Their laughter halted and it was apparent that no one knew how to respond.  “Lay off of Angie,” I warned.  “She’s cool.”

At that time, I was one of the “popular” girls–I had a middle school romance going with Vince, after all–so they backed down without much of a struggle.  It prompted me to think, however, what happens to all who don’t have someone in their corner?

Pick On Someone Your Own Size

Whether it’s an innocent young adolescent girl, or a poverty-striken family, or a member of a minority, or perhaps an new immigrant, people everyday are getting picked on–both directly and indirectly–by those in a position of power.  The motivations vary, but more often than not, those people likely don’t have someone backing them up–they’re left to defend themselves against a world that can be cruel, to say the least.

Worse, oftentimes those getting marginalized are being marginalized not because of something they’ve done, but because they fit a certain stereotype. The American-born latino who gets called a wetback and is looked upon as stupid, dirty, lazy, or amoral. The Jewish person who is automatically labeled as greedy nit-pickers.  The Italian who is joked with about being violent, ignorant or otherwise associated with the mafia.  The African American who is perceived as a trouble-maker, drug user or gang member.

Stereotypes teach us, via implication, how we’re suppose to perceive and treat others.  The problem with that, however, is that stereotypes aren’t real; they’re merely an unfortunate, overgeneralized, oversimplified association. What better way to dehumanize someone than by reducing them to a handful of traits? By using stereotypes to guide our opinions about others, whether consciously or unconsciously, we are marginalizing not only them, but ourselves. We’re alienating ourselves, via misguided logic, from the people that make up this planet–and all of the incredible relationships, new experiences and learning opportunities–because we’ve allowed stereotypes to dominate our beliefs.

Stereotypes Are Everywhere–And They’re Royally ******* Things Up

Yet, stereotypes don’t just affect human relations.  While the stereotyping of humans is likely the most prominent–and most detrimental–we tend to develop stereotypes across all aspects of living.  One in particular that stuck with me just the other day, as we held our meet-up in Chicago, was something that writer Nina Yao brought up:

“Growing up, I loved art, but my parents warned me not to take it on as a career, unless I wanted to end up a starving artist.  Instead, I went to school for business.”

The starving artist.

Oh, how hearing her talk about her long lost dreams being put aside, all in the name of a stereotype, added such a solemn note to my day; the common belief being that if you become an artist, you will be poor.

The implications here are so, so many, namely that those who pursue creativity as a career can be typecast as economically naive, foolish or irresponsible.  Imagine all of us out there who have surrendered our passions to this belief, mistrusting our instincts, and instead gone out and gotten that safe day job? Society seems to separate art and business, hence perpetuating the starving artist stereotype, as well as perpetuating the number of lonely, overworked, uninspired, dispassioned souls out there, who are merely the victim of an attempt to be responsible.

For us, responsible erroneously does not mean being responsible to ourselves (and hence following the paths that secretly make us light up inside); rather, responsible means being responsible to the arbitrary economic and social standards that have been set forth to us by society. And this seems to be exactly where we all go wrong.

Stereotypes can be damaging on multiple fronts, but when it comes to that of selecting a career–and, consequently, selecting what your life will be on a daily basis–stereotypes can be the ultimate sabotage.

Many argue that stereotypes are stereotypes because of a set of statistics that back them up, and therefore are based in truth; however, what most people fail to realize is that stereotypes don’t conclude anything about a person, nor a career.  You cannot possibly know the outcome of something until you engage with it–it’s as simple as that.  You can try to predict through stereotypes–sure–but in doing so, you’re more likely to do more harm to yourself by marginalizing yourself from a world of opportunity that could have otherwise existed.  But you’ll never know, because instead of finding out for yourself, you listened to everyone else.

No matter what, I beg of you–please, please, please don’t do that. Stop listening to what everyone else says, and what everyone else wants you to do. Trust in yourself.  Trust in your instincts.  Trust in your ability to make things work, even if they do go awry.  You don’t need everyone else’s validation or permission to do what it is you want to do.  When it comes down to it, all you need is your own.

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Okay.

This is huge.

Bigger than an elephant on steroids.

Bigger than MC hammer pants.

And quite possibly, even bigger than that Inception movie that everyone’s talking about.  Yeah, that’s right.  I said it.

MAKE US YOUR BITCHES FOR THE DAY

Most of you know by now that I’m touring across the United States with Colin Wright & Andi Norris, stopping in 23 cities and hosting a number of meet-ups with readers.  Awesome.

Well, as it turns out, we’ve got a day of rest.  And we can’t stand it.

So we’ve decided to give back. We’ve talked with so many people during the first half of our trip who are super motivated to get started with their projects, but are lacking the funds to get off the ground–be it with the website, logo, branding, copy or simply the know-how on where to even start.

So, since we’ve got this free day, with a reliable internet connection (for once) since we’re at Colin’s parents’ house, we’re going to get a little nuts down here in their finished basement.  Quite possibly with wine.  Because apparently, Missouri has incredible wine that nobody knows about.  But shhhh.

It’s called Reader Appreciation Day, and we’re going to conduct a marathon…..starting….NOW.

For the next 24 hours only, we’re going to be working like fiends, designing logos, building sites, making all sorts of sexy flash animations (okay, so they’re doing that stuff), writing copy, developing press releases, or consulting with you on any number of topics–if you can dream it, we can help you with it.  Well, unless you want Andi to dress up like I Dream of Jeannie & come over to your house to give you a back rub.  Though, then again….I might be able to pull some strings….

AND WE’RE DOING IT FOR LESS THAN YOUR SPENT ON YOUR MOM FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

Because you’re rad.  And we can’t sit still.  So let’s do this. Here’s your chance to stop procrastinating your project, and start making things happen for yourself.  Ándale!

Below is a list of services and their super low prices.  Just fill out THIS FORM and we’ll get started working feverishly.  FURIOUSLY.  MADLY.  BREATHLESSLY.

And in the end, you will have something sexy.  For mad cheap.  And you will love us.  And forevermore you will remember to send us wine.  Whenever you want us to do cool shit.  Just like this.

Send us your needs, and we’ll rock your world!  CLICK HERE…OR DIE. That was dark, wasn’t it?

P.S.  THIS ENDS AT 12PM ON WEDNESDAY, JULY 21ST, 2010, at which point we’ll be taking off for St. Louis.  Make it happen!

LIST OF ZEE SERVICES.  MOST THINGS $100-$200, WITH EXCEPTION OF SITE BUILDING, WHICH MIGHT BE A SMIDGE MORE BUT WON’T BREAK YOUR BANK.  OR YOUR LEG.  ORRRR YOUR HEART.  WHICH IS PROBABLY A GOOD THING.

DESIGN
Logos, one-sheets, business cards, stationery, banners, ads, posters

DEVELOPMENT
Websites, blogs, Flash banners, forms, technical support, installations, content analysis

PRODUCTION
Editing, color correction, animation, slideshows, formatting, uploading, technical support

MARKETING/PR
Press releases, content analysis, copywriting

WRITING
Posts, pages, sales copy, greeting cards, haikus

CONSULTING
Entrepreneurship, branding, business, design, blogging, writing, relationships, lifestyle design, marketing, PR, social media, travel, publishing, brainstorming, strategizing

OTHER
Chit-chatting, karaokeing, playing online video games, watching us dance, interviews, tell us jokes and we’ll laugh at the right times

ZEE END.  MAY YOU HAVE A VERY PLEASANT DAY. AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO PURCHASE YOURSELF SOME JALAPEÑO POPPERS.  BECAUSE THEY.  ARE.  AMAZING.

A Sexy Story With a Lesson

We sit in near silence, the only interruptions being an occasional mojito-induced outburst of nervous laughter, the sound of my silver chandelier earrings gently clinkering together, and the relentless tropical rains that steadily pelt the top of the canvas roof of the 4×4 automobile we are in.

It’s shamelessly cliche, where we are and what we’re doing there, parked at the edge of a cliff overlooking the warm Pacific waters at 2 o’clock in the morning, but the way his deep-set, dark brown eyes pierce my own, I suddenly understand women everywhere who have ever dared perpetuate such a cliche; it is these exact moments, right here and right now, that fill us with unexpected fervor, invigorating every hidden fantasy that we’ve secretly harbored, longing for a moment just like this one.  For the first time in a long time, I feel alive.  In more respects than one.

He slides his hand over the top of my exposed thigh, delicately running his thumb back and forth over my skin, and with the other reaches over to me, gently cupping my face and pulls me into him.  It’s one of those moments when you both know the kiss is about to happen, so you frantically try to lick your lips right before it happens without the other person noticing.  Fortunately for the sake of my love story, he doesn’t notice.  As a matter of fact, after that point, I wouldn’t say we noticed much of anything.

The way he kissed me that night, with a fiery intensity that would linger on my lips for days years to come, was the beginning of the end.  It was in that moment that I first felt a strong connection with another human being that was different from me; it was in that moment that I first discovered the universality of human emotions.  People from foreign countries had always seemed, well…foreign, but the opposite, as I was to discover, held more truth.  When it comes to things like love, I learned, no one is foreign.  As it turns out, everyone is exactly the same.

People Are Travel

Over the following few months that I would live in Costa Rica, I was stunned to have this same lesson sneak up on me time and time again.  We weren’t just the same when it came to matters of the heart, but with all of the elements that make us human.  From our deepest fears, to our desire to fit in; from our need to bond with one another to our need for time alone.  In many ways, we were essentially all the same, simply having been molded in sightly different ways by our respective backdrops.

And it’s precisely this realization that brings all of the value to travel; without the people, travel would be nothing more than a fruitless change of scenery.  A slideshow, if you will, that does nothing to engage you, but is something you simply witness from your corner of the room.

Furthermore, while many people assume that the majority of the benefits of travel lie in experiencing the differences, on the same token, it seems to me that the greatest benefit of travel actually lies–surprisingly so–not in the differences, but in the similarities.

Sure, in many respects, the differences are opportune.  It’s the differences that allow us to best step out of our own lives and into that of another, enabling us to more objectively reflect on our own realities and, with that reflection, be enabled to better understand ourselves and who we want to be.  It’s the differences that allow us to either appreciate aspects of our lives we never gave much thought to prior, or on the flip side, reject other aspects that we never much cared for in the first place.  It’s the differences that give a destination its character, enriching our world and, in the process, enriching us.

But as I’ve discovered, it’s through the examination of the differences that we accidentally unearth the similarities.  And its the similarities that teach us the big lessons, when we’re able to witness that quiet interconnectedness and, by extension, witness ourselves in others.  Seeing ourselves in others allows us to see the possibilities in our own lives; to see that there are others who are just as content with their lives, if not more so, than we are, yet they’re going about it in a whole new way.  Seeing ourselves in others opens us up to new opportunities.  Seeing ourselves in others expands our method of thought.  It shows us that there are other ways of doing things, and that we aren’t limited to just one.  Seeing ourselves in others gives us permission to be who we want to be; not merely the person we’ve been told we should be.

That night out on that cliff, despite the seeming frivolity of the situation, I saw a glimpse of the person I aspired to be.  One who acts with intention, and lets passion dictate the course, rather than stifling logic.  One who recognizes the importance of feeling alive, instead of just being alive.  One who understands that play can be more important than work, and and one acknowledges that people are more important than things. This is who I want to be.  This is who I have decided to be.  This is who I am.  This is what matters.

Wish You, Too, Had a Cliffside Latino(a) Lover & A Whole New Perspective on Life?

I gained immeasurable wisdom from that first trip to Costa Rica, as with every subsequent trip I’ve taken and time I’ve lived there.  Most notably, I’ve learned how to be the person I am, in a world that promotes being the person society wants you to be.  I’ve learned to take big leaps, and how to land gracefully no matter where I land.  I’ve learned that risk is never as risky as it seems, and that only good can come from playing with it.  I’ve learned that important careers aren’t important unless you’re happy doing them, and sometimes, the best career choice is the one we were most afraid of.  And I’ve learned that living is as you define it.

Over the past year, I’ve seen many readers struggle with the same types of life questions, leading them to wonder “what if?” a whole lot.  I’ve seen many become proactive and take chances, but I’ve also seen others want to be proactive, but just not know how.

Most of all, I’ve seen people who want to change, but are still paralyzed by fear.

So I decided to do something about it.

I’m proud to announce to you Liberation Seven–a seven day retreat on the beaches of Costa Rica, designed exclusively for those who are serious about living life on their own terms.  It will be held from October 7th to October 14th, and will include group discussion sessions out on a yacht, ziplining through the rainforest, during fresh seafood dinners and on the white sands of a national park, as well a host of other activities–all optional, of course.

But regardless of how many incredible things we do, the real value will lie in the experience of a new culture, looking at life through a new lens as a way reflect and promote positive change in our own lives.  I want to facilitate that experience for you, and have the opportunity to engage with all of you on a new level and really dig into ways that we can start taking the leaps we need to take, and start living the lives we want to be living.

***The best part?  If you sign up before Monday, August 2nd, get $300 off the cost of the retreat!***

Want to Learn More?

If you’re interested in learning more, jot down your email address below and I’ll shoot you some messages with the latest information.  Alternatively, if you’re all sorts of pumped and ready to indulge in endless mojitos, rum drinks and ice-cold Costa Rican beer with a group of like-minded folks with the same goals, you can go right ahead and sign up here with a deposit. Otherwise, if you have any questions, feel free to email me at ihavetheguts [at] the middlefingerproject [dot] org.

Hope to see you in Costa Rica!  You only live once, right?

Why Not Take The Leap?

I’ve been meeting a lot of truly smart, savvy, remarkable people lately.  So many are saying to hell with the safety net, and are leaping toward their passions, and haven’t looked back since.

On the same token, however, so many of those smart, savvy, remarkable people are not.

Frankly, this makes me want to burst into tears and heave a cartful of lemon tarts at someone.

I’m dangerous like that.

Being a naturally curious person, I’m prone to asking why a lot.  Why aren’t you leaping toward your passion?  If you’re not happy where you are, then why not change it?  What’s preventing you from living the life you wish you were?

I have this annoyingly obsessive need to know the answers to these things.  We’re capable of doing so much, yet don’t take advantage of the opportunities that are available to us.  By “doing so much,” that isn’t to imply that more is better, because it’s too often the case that we’re already doing so many things that we’ve created a self-imposed prison of sorts; we’re prisoners to our own lives, and we can’t get off the treadmill.

It isn’t a matter of quantity; it’s a matter of quality.  It isn’t about doing more; it’s about reflecting on what it is we’re already doing, and assessing whether or not what we’re doing make sense in line with who we want to be.

You are the sum of the collection of things you do.

On the surface, that may sound superficial–I am not defined just what I do, but what I think and what ideas I have!

Sure thing, cowboy–ideas are great, but an idea will only take you so far without action.

If you aren’t willing to take your ideas and thoughts and turn them into something tangible, then in a tragic sort of way they become nearly useless.  Sure, there’s some value in critical thinking by itself, but there needs to be a product of that critical thought in order for it to truly become meaningful.

Ideas are magical.  They have the power to transform your entire life, if only you’ll pay attention to them and then do something with them. The only time something is “just a dream” is when you allow it to be.  In this sense, we’re not just prisoners to our own lives, but we’re volunteering to be.

Top 5 Excuses (You Make) That Zap Your Dreams

Throughout the conversations I’ve been having with folks, I’ve noticed a common theme emerging.  It seems as if the following 5 excuses are most popular on why people aren’t doing what they wish they could do:

1.  I don’t think I’m good enough.

Someone call the self-esteem police; this one is just not going to cut it.  Ever.  First of all, “good” is a relative term.  As long as you know more about a topic than someone else, then you will be filling a need.

Second, if you really aren’t very good at something you’d like to do, you’ll never become any better at it if you don’t start somewhere.  Don’t let lack of experience prevent you from doing awesome shit; start small and build from there.

2.  I don’t have the time.

Doing awesome shit is a priorities game. You’re absolutely right–there are only 24 hours in a day, and sometimes we’re limited not only by hours, but by how much creative, emotional and physical energy we have at any given time.  Sometimes you’re just not in the zone; hell, I’ve been having a hard time myself getting in the zone as we work from the car.  As I type this, I’m writing with my mac on my lap in the passenger seat, en route from Wilmington, North Carolina to Orlando, Florida.

I get that.

But here’s the thing: Nothing’s going to change if you don’t start making time.  We aren’t super heros; you can’t do everything at once.  We need to carefully pick and choose our battles.

What are you fighting for?  In other words, what do you dedicate most of your time and energy to?  Is it helping you achieve your goals, or is it standing in your way?

3.  I don’t have the money.

Money simply isn’t as important as we make it out to be.  Most people assume that in order to start a business, for example, they’ll need to come up with so much capital and then find an office and then hire employees, etc. etc. etc.  We start imagining all of the details, and we become overwhelmed by them.  Frustrated.  Intimidated.  Scared.  And we chicken out.  We make excuses.  We tell ourselves that it isn’t the best time to be starting a business right now, anyway, and that maybe our job isn’t so bad–at least there’s free coffee, right?

It’s a fine example of voluntary self-imprisionment at it’s finest.

The truth is that it doesn’t have to be that complicated.  It doesn’t have to be that big.  We can start moving toward our goals inch by inch, and readjust as necessary.  We don’t have to start out having all of the bells and whistles; maybe we just get started doing some probono work to build our reputation, in order to find some paying clients who will help fund our growth.

Everyone started somewhere.  Having a lot of money isn’t necessary to do awesome shit; having the courage to take positive forward steps is. Imagine the goal, and then figure out a way to make it happen.  Don’t let a lack of funds deter you from exploring ideas that could change your life for the better.

4.  I don’t know how.

This might be the least valid excuse of all, and we need to pick it up and chuck it out the window, right into the dumpster.

If it turns out that you don’t know much about a given topic, then dammit, GO FIND OUT.  In the age of information, if you’re willing to dedicate a little time, then you can become nearly expert at almost anything.  Don’t be lazy–this is your life we’re talking about here.

5.  I don’t have a degree in X.

In the past, this argument might have been more acceptable; nowadays, however, it’s been rendered obsolete, thanks to the internet.  Degrees are nothing more than red tape; in reality, anyone can go learn the same amount of knowledge themselves through books, podcasts, forums, blogs, web searches, etc.

Let’s say tomorrow I decide I want to become a web designer.  I don’t need to go to a fancy design school and take out a ton of loans to do so; I simply need to get resourceful and start consuming information, start practicing, and start seeking feedback from those with more experience–not hard to do.  Hop on Twitter and leverage the incredible power of networking.

Then I brand myself as an expert in X, and start taking on clients.  Boom.  I’m a web designer.  Just like everything, there’s a learning curve, but it’s absolutely one worth riding on two wheels until you get your bearings. Obviously this might not work for all fields, but there’s a lot you can do on your own.  It’s about having the confidence to get started.

Whatever you do, do not let yourself become one of those “if only I had….” people.  You will never forgive yourself.

Be bold. Take chances.  Revel in the unknown.  And remember that there’s no proof that says that life was meant to be serious.  Get out there and play with it.  Engage with the world.  See what’s out there.

And always, always, always have faith in yourself.

At the end of the day, it’s all we’ve got.

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