ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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An Ode to the Internet’s Worst Business Advice

In: Starting an Online Business

A person, going into business for themselves for the first time: How can I get found?

The Internet: Start a newsletter!

Person: What, like a weekly bulletin?

The Internet: No, like a newsletter.

Person: So, like, write a bunch of updates about me, me, and me?

The Internet: Yeah! A newsletter!

Person: Every week?

The Internet: Yeah! Content is king!

Person: And then ask customers to actually request to receive something I wrote all about me, me and me?

The Internet: Yeah! Opt-in!

Person: But will anybody care to read something all about me, me and me?

The Internet: Um…yeah, it's a NEWSLETTER, DUH.

Person: But who even reads those?

The Internet: Everybody.

Person: You mean nobody?

The Internet: No, we mean everybody.

Person: Half the time I can't even get my husband to listen to me—why will anybody else?!

The Internet: You have to create epic content!

Person: Epilepsy?

The Internet: EPICCCCCC CONTENNNNNTTTTTTTT!

Person: What does that even mean?

The Internet: You really need to invest in yourself.

Person: How do I do that?

The Internet: Sign up for an online class.

Person: How do I do that?

The Internet: Opt-in for somebody's newsletter.

Person: What if I don't want to opt-in for anybody's newsletter?

The Internet: You probably don't have the entrepreneur mindset.

Person: What's the entrepreneur mindset?

The Internet: Do what everyone else is doing and then call yourself an entrepreneur.

Person: That explains a lot.

The Internet: It's all about the mindset!

Person: I thought it was all about the newsletter?

The Internet: Yeah I'm a little confused myself; I'm waiting to see what everybody else decides and then I'll let you know.

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An Ode to Baller Status.

Lather up. Choose the perfume-scented body lotion. Put every last hair into place. Rock your most exquisite piece of clothing. Wink at yourself in the mirror. Pull out the stops. Look fucking smashing. And then get to work. Because when you feel like a baller? YOU ACT LIKE ONE.

In: Starting an Online Business

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Tweet When You’re Dead

Death is weird. One minute you’re painstakingly slaving over the perfect Facebook status update, worrying about the new wrinkle in your forehead, and crying hysterically over the fact that you spilled a drop of creamer on the counter and WHY! CAN’T! ANYTHING! BE! EASY!, and the next, well, you don’t even have the privilege of […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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What To Do When You Hire Them And…They Suck.

So you started a business and before you knew it you were regularly lip syncing to Gaga while kicking ass, taking orders, AND taking names—which, for the record, I hear is a mafia term. Isn’t that delightful? Suddenly, you found yourself with an extra $5 and immediately shouted to no one in particular, “I’m going to reinvest […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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