Fear, Exposed – Featuring Jeffrey Luke
Welcome to week number three of the Fear, Exposed series, where REAL people discuss the challenges, fears and obstacles they’ve encountered when pursuing the life they’ve envisioned for themselves, and what they’re doing about it. This week’s guest writer is Jeffrey Luke, a father, husband, runner and marketing professional on a never-ending quest to learn about himself and the world. Jeffrey strives to be a positive force in the world while continually learning & sharing lessons, in any shape and form.
I truly hope that through hearing the stories of others who have experienced the same inner turmoil as you might be experiencing now, you’ll be empowered with the confidence you need to go forth and do what your soul is calling you to do.
***NOTE: If you’re interested in digging deeper about how to move past barriers like a bull, start living the life you want & maybe even do so while traveling, I’d like to recommend my good friend Sean Ogle’s new program called Overcoming the Fear of Uncertainty: Tactical Steps to Living the Life You Really Want. A while back, Sean started out as a normal guy, supremely dissatisfied with his life & desk job in finance….so, he decided to change it.
He spent all of last year living in Bangkok, Thailand, working with the Tropical MBA program, which shows participants how to start and grow a global business from one’s laptop. Since, Sean’s taken everything he’s learned, and now developed his program, which anyone can access, even if you aren’t in Bangkok. Sean’s program teaches you how to do the work you really want (rather than just working for a paycheck), and teaches you how, exactly, you can go about traveling anywhere in the world, anytime you want–without having to worry about money. You can check it out here.He and I recently went round for round of pickleback shots while he was here in Philadelphia, during Chris Guillebeau’s Unconventional Book Tour. For those not in the know, picklebacks are shots of whiskey chased by shots of pickle juice. I swear to you–it is DELICIOUS. I also swear to you that Ogle could barely keep up. So, if that diminishes your interest in his awesome program, I completely understand, though it truly is awesome, and I’d recommend checking it out.
And now…onto Jeffrey!
Life Is A Compilation of Decisions
Without a framework, your decision making process is frightfully random, which often leads to poor choices.
What to have for breakfast? Should I take that job in California? What to do with the kids this weekend?
Small decisions. Big decisions.
Doesn’t matter.
We’re bombarded with dozens of them a day, if not more. How do you decide?
Gut feeling? Logic? Instant gratification? Long term strategy? Coin toss?
Don’t know?
If You Don’t Know What You Stand For, How Can You Ever Choose?
I think that’s where I fell in most times. I had a complete lack of reasoning for my decisions. I’m sure I thought I did, but I really didn’t.
Which is one of the reasons I arrived in a time and place I wasn’t so happy about.
I didn’t know who I was. Didn’t know what I stood for. Didn’t know my purpose. Wasn’t sure what direction I was headed in. Didn’t know what I should be teaching my children.
I was riding the bus of life, content to be a passenger. Hell, I wasn’t even a passenger, even they know where they’re going. I was a stow-away – along for the ride. I had no control.
Something hit me though. Maybe it was the bumps along the way. Maybe it was age. Maybe I finally woke up. Maybe I was so dissatisfied with the ride I was on – that I decided to get off. To stop for a while and figure out where I was on the map.
During this layover I read a book called “Rework” by Jason Fried. One of his chapters, called “Draw a Line in the Sand” struck a chord with me. In it he says,
“When you don’t know what you stand for everything becomes an argument. Everything is debatable. But when you stand for something, decisions are obvious.”
It’s a brilliant business philosophy – and I couldn’t get it out of my mind.
I couldn’t get it out of my mind because – I didn’t know what I stood for.
That’s why I felt so lost, so directionless, so much like a stow-away.
I knew until I figured out what I stood for – I would not be able to move ahead on a direction I was happy with. Knew I could not make any sound decisions. Knew I could not be a good husband, or father, or friend.
If I didn’t know these things, the people closest to me wouldn’t know either.
No wonder I felt invisible many times.
Figuring Out What You Stand For
For weeks I tried to put a framework around my beliefs – or things I could actually say I stood for. Things I would be willing to fight for. Things I could draw a line in sand and say – it does not cross here!
Then I started writing. Jotting down notes. Thinking. And thinking some more.
I wanted it to be realistic. I did not want to turn this into a document I would place on a pedestal and never be able to reach.
I wanted it to be something I could frame my life around. Something I could make large and small decisions with.
I wanted it to be something I could fit on one piece of paper. Something I could reference everyday. Something real.
And here’s what I came up with. Seven things. Seven things I stood for. Seven places I could draw a line in the sand. Seven things I’d be willing to fight for:
1. Teaching
Not necessarily classical classroom teaching, but yes, that too.
I stand for the sharing and giving of your knowledge to the world.
Teaching is a gift. It is a way of giving back.
It can be your legacy. A way to prove the existence.
It is mentoring.
It is a way to provide growth and movement forward.
WHERE I DRAW THE LINE
When limits or barriers are placed on the teaching/sharing environment.
When teachers are muted, silenced or otherwise quieted or impaired from delivering their knowledge.
When a person of influence abuses that power.
When darkness is taught, instead of the light.
THE FIGHT
Provide an avenue or vehicle for sharing knowledge.
Act as a mentor to others. Share my knowledge freely. Continue to learn.
Provide my children a value set to help them make decisions.
Bring attention to what I stand for.
2. Fitness
The art of feeling truly alive has roots in being fit and healthy.
I stand for being physically fit and for engaging in a healthy lifestyle.
Motion is necessary. It is my necessity.
To be truly in-tune with your body is an awareness I can not live without.
Fitness can be an avenue to enjoy and explore the great outdoors.
WHERE I DRAW THE LINE
When limits or barriers are placed on my ability to be fit, eat well and live a healthy lifestyle.
Laziness.
When others I care about are influenced to harm their bodies or minds.
THE FIGHT
Eat with a “food is fuel” mentality.
Drink plenty of water.
Run, weight train or enjoy some other form of exercise each day.
Lead and influence by example.
Support my children and others who choose to explore sport, fitness and any outdoors activity.
Share my joy with others.
Bring attention to what I stand for.
3. Open-Mindedness
To be open to all sides, opinions and ways of thinking.
I stand for not letting my own or other’s limitations affect my decision making.
The world was once thought to be flat.
What I know can fit in a thimble, what I don’t can fill the oceans.
To learn, sometimes we have to let go of our beliefs.
WHERE I DRAW THE LINE
When limits or barriers are placed on my ability to gather and analyze information.
When people or organizations use their power to influence the naïve.
THE FIGHT
Do not judge.
Always keep an open mind. Listen. Be thoughtful.
Help others in time of need see other ways of thinking.
Never stop learning.
Bring attention to what I stand for.
4. Integrity, Genuineness and Authenticity
To be yourself, to be comfortable in your own skin, to live an honest life – these are additional ways that free us to feel truly alive.
I stand for being honest in all my relationships.
I stand for interacting with others in genuine and authentic ways.
What you see is what you get.
I will not pretend or try to be anyone other than myself.
A simple life is a good life.
WHERE I DRAW THE LINE
When limits or barriers are placed on me that prohibit me from being who I am.
When others feel as though they can not be themselves.
When there is a breach in integrity or ethics.
THE FIGHT
I will do what I say.
I will behave in a way that everyone will know what I stand for.
I will not procrastinate.
I will operate with the highest level of integrity.
I will aim to live simply.
Bring attention to what I stand for.
5. Surrounding Myself with Like-Minded People
No man is an island.
I stand for surrounding myself with people of integrity, with people who I trust, and with people who I want and need in my life.
Family, friends, colleagues – all will follow these rules of engagement.
We will all be better for having known one another.
WHERE I DRAW THE LINE
When limits or barriers are placed on my ability to be with the right kind of people.
When the right kind of people are denied entry.
THE FIGHT
I will eliminate negative people from my life.
I will search out and invite amazing people into my world.
I will help others build these networks of support.
I will maintain lifelong friendships.
Bring attention to what I stand for.
6. Making Memories
In the end, these are what hold the most value.
I stand for not living a bland life.
I stand for creating wonderful, long-lasting memories for myself and for my family – so when looking back over our lives, we can dot the years with highlights.
WHERE I DRAW THE LINE
When limits or barriers are placed on my ability to experience.
Doing nothing.
Being reluctant or afraid of the new.
THE FIGHT
I will ensure that my children and family have great memories to take with them into adulthood and beyond.
I will encourage exploration.
Continually look for new opportunities to experience.
Bring attention to what I stand for.
7. Generosity
To give more than you receive.
When you genuinely give, you will always get much more in return.
I stand for being generous with my time, energy, thoughts and tangibles to my family and anyone else willing to receive.
WHERE I DRAW THE LINE
When limits or barriers are placed on my ability to live a generous life.
When any type of hoarding is present.
Selfishness.
Exclusion.
THE FIGHT
I will give, share and live a generous life.
I will promote generosity in my family.
I will not give in order to receive.
Bring attention to what I stand for.
Conclusion
To see how this fits on one page, go here.
I carry this one page “What I Stand For” document where ever I go. I reference it often. I’m sure it’ll change and grow as I do.
For the first time in my life, I’m starting to know who I am. Decision making is becoming “obvious” – because I know what I stand for.
It’s a wonderful feeling.
It feels like I’m finally driving the bus. And I’m going to a good place.
I encourage everyone to give this a shot. You’ll be amazed at how things start to fall into place.
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