Fear, Exposed – Featuring Matt Koenig
Happy Tuesday, everyone!
I’m proud to introduce to you the second post of the Fear, Exposed series, written by Matt Koenig! (In case you missed it, the first post was last Tuesday, featuring Nina Yau. The series will run every Tuesday and feature REAL people talking about the real obstacles, challenges and fears they face as they attempt to throw the mediocre, the conventional, the lackluster and the vanilla to the wind.
Matt is currently an IT professional residing in Eugene, Oregon, who also has a passion for photography, shooting everything from landscapes to food. In June of 2011 he and his family are selling the farm and moving to the tropical paradise of Indonesia. You can follow and be a part of the adventure at 1yearsabbatical.com.
Matt’s engaging writing style sold me immediately. I’m happy to be sharing his story with you al here, and wish him the best of luck as he sets off on his new adventure this upcoming year. Salud!
The Wrong End of a Gun
I don’t think I’ll ever forget the gun barrel that was pointed at my head the night we were accosted by
several camouflaged men who emerged out of the forest on a remote logging road one summer and
surrounded our car. I still remember the cold pressure of that barrel against my temple and the crazy
look in the man’s face.
There are a lot of things that go through your mind when you’re at the wrong end of a gun. Fear races
to the forefront, the adrenaline kicks in, your heart races and feels like it will tear loose from your chest
and your fight or flight urges take over. It’s the kind of fear that can save your life.
But there’s another kind of fear that can drain your life away; deaden you from the inside out.
It’s an insidious kind of fear that sneaks up on you and before you know it it’s engulfed you and
trapped you into a subdued and boring life. It’s the fear of uncertainty and it takes no prisoners.
This fear doesn’t slap you in the face like staring at the barrel of a gun does. It creeps in slowly, bit by bit
over time. We’re conditioned to accept it as part of life. It’s the voice in the back of your mind telling
you you’re not smart enough or you’ll never have enough money to <insert whatever it is you really
want to do>.”
It’s the voice that says you need to stay with that fulfilling job because it’s “secure” and safe and
God knows you wouldn’t want to take any risks because you’ll end up with no money and living on the
streets or even worse, living back home with your parents. GASP!!
What I Wanted to Be
When I was a kid and someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never said I wanted
to be an unhappy office worker sitting in a drab fabric walled cubicle for 10 hours a day mindlessly
pounding away at a keyboard. I never said I wanted to work 40+ hour weeks for 40 years saving up all
my money so one day I could finally retire and take trips to exotic locations.
No, I distinctly remember wanting to be a secret agent and travel the world doing all that fun spying
stuff like James Bond. I mean, come on, who doesn’t want to travel the world on someone else’s dime?
Plus, Bond always ended up with all those beautiful women! Well, I’ve already got the beautiful woman
(happily married 9 years now) but I haven’t done nearly enough fun secret spy stuff.
Midlife Crisis Developing?
After I turned 40 I started asking myself specific questions like, “What have you been doing with your
life to make a difference in the world? What kind of legacy will you leave behind?” I realized that I
didn’t have good answers. After struggling with this for a year I realized that throughout my life I had
never really explored my role in the world. What was I really doing and why was I here? I was just
going through life doing what I thought was expected of me, trying to please others and live up to their
expectations.
It was then that I realized that what I needed most was to take a secret spy mission to uncover the
answers to these questions. And that’s when the idea of taking a 1 year sabbatical and moving to
Indonesia was birthed. Now you might be thinking “Easier said than done pal!” and you’d be right. It is
easier said than done. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.
The Beginning of 1 Year Sabbatical
We are now 10 months away from departing to a new life in Indonesia. We are also in the midst
of being totally overwhelmed with an uncertain future. We really have no idea what to expect.
There are issues of visas, schooling for the kids, what to sell and what to take with us, how to handle
finances overseas, how to keep in touch with friends and family back home, medical insurance and
medical treatments overseas, language barriers, how to earn enough money to keep the dream going;
the list seems endless. We have more questions than answers and that is an overwhelming feeling.
Where do you even start?
This is a huge problem because when you have so many things that need to be figured out you can
quickly reach a state of paralysis and then nothing gets done. It’s a lot like a garage filled with crap. You
go out and stare at it for a while; then you might root around in a few areas, reorganize the clutter from
one side to the other and eventually go inside, grab a beer and turn on the TV with the end result being
that no action was taken.
How to Deal With it All
There are three things we consciously doing as we plan out this sabbatical. I believe that keeping these
three things in mind can help in any situation where decisions and changes are desired.
1) Manage the fear and put it into perspective.
Fear of uncertainty is probably the number one thing that keeps us from living our dreams.
Finding a way to manage that fear and put it into perspective that works for you is key to taking
action. For me I listed all my fears out on paper (there is something cathartic about writing them
down, trust me) in a single column. Then in another column I listed out the worst case scenario.
I’m an expert at the worst case scenario.
Give me any situation and I can instantly tell you how bad it’s going to get. Then in a third
column list out what you would do if the worst case scenario were to happen. Chances are
there is nothing on your list short of death that you couldn’t recover from should the worst case
scenario come true.
2) Plan but don’t over plan; avoid action paralysis.
Realize that you can only plan for so much.
Eventually you reach a point of diminishing returns where spending time doing any further
planning results in no net benefit. Realize that you can’t plan for everything. Life is not a
series of known events. That’s what makes life exciting but also scary. Plan for what you know
and deal with the rest on a case by case basis. The key is to always be taking actionable steps
toward your goal and if you get too caught up in planning for each and every imaginable event
you will not make any progress toward realizing your dreams.
3) Listen to critics with a critical ear.
Some may argue that we need to ignore people who are critical of our plans.
I say listen to them but with a critical ear. Learn to distinguish between negative criticism
and constructive criticism. Ignore the negative but listen to the constructive.
It may be that they offer up valid questions that you haven’t thought of before and this would
be an opportunity to consider them. It may be that by listening to the critic we formulate a
stronger idea of what it is we really want. For me I have this glamourized notion that taking a
sabbatical will be all fun and games in an incredibly idyllic and exciting environment. That may
very well be the case at times but it’s also possible that some things the critic says could be true
as well. It’s good to listen to the other side, the critic, and clearly evaluate what it is we really
want out of life.
Don’t Just Live Your Life…Experience Your Life
We escaped that summer night from the potential madness of crazy men with guns by racing off into
the night in our car, ducking down to escape any bullets that might have been fired in our direction.
When we fear for our life we do what is necessary in order to survive.
Escaping the fear of uncertainty isn’t always that clear and yet it affects our life even more so than
isolated incidents of intense fear. We make excuses on why we are not taking steps to initiate the
change we know we need and then try and justify those excuses by rationalizing them. At some point
though you must realize that you have to take a stand and just do it if you truly want to be happy.
I’m terrified of taking this sabbatical, giving up a stable job and benefits and moving into a completely
different culture. But I’m even more terrified of not doing it. One of my favorite quotes is by Mark
Twain. It goes like this:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you
did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.”
I don’t want to wake up one day and find that I missed out on all the secret agent adventures life has to
offer and neither do you. Let’s get out there and do more than just live life.
Let’s experience life.
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