Ashley Note:

I’ve got news!  *sips coffee*  I’ve got news!

I’m so very pleased to announce the beginning of a much-anticipated on-going guest post series that I think you’re going to love, adore & want to snuggle with every single week in your jammies–wine optional.

The series is titled Fear, Exposed, and each Tuesday I’ll be featuring a REAL person discussing their REAL struggles, obstacles and challenges–and what they’re doing to overcome them–on their journey to bust out of the mediocrity bubble and finally start living the lives they’ve envisioned.

It’s going to be incredibly sexy.  It’s going to be all sorts of inspirational.  And it’s going to be dangerous.  Because once you have proof that it CAN BE DONE, and others ARE DOING IT, you’ll have no more excuses.

All you’ll be left with is a clock that’s ticking, and a universe that’s waiting on you to do what you know you need to do.

And at that point?  All you’ve got to do is say yes.

With that, I’d like to introduce you to Nina Yau, our very first Fear, Exposed contributor.  Nina Yau is a writer, artist, and martial artist currently living in Chicago, Illinois, and she shares with others how to change the way we view and think about the world through minimalism at her blog Castles in the Air. Subscribe to the RSS reader and follow Nina on Facebook and Twitter.

“We’ve all heard that the unexamined life is not worth living, but consider too that the unlived life is not worth examining.” – Julia Cameron

Freedom does not come without a price … and pain.

Why would people not want freedom though? The freedom to choose to do what they love to do. The freedom to choose their careers and line of work. The freedom to make a difference in this world in however means they can, as unconventional as it may be. Unapologetic, pure and raw freedom.

The thing is, however, that when one really and truly wants freedom in their lives, there will almost always be a price to pay. Those who are willing to pay the price by standing firmly and boldly with the decision they’ve made in their lives are the ones who will ultimately realize this freedom. Those who deem the price too high will just have to settle.

Which will you choose?

I have experienced much pain, heartache, and sorrow due to my decision to live my life the way I need to live it in order to be happy. In order for me to realize my full potential. I am the only one holding myself back. No one else. And I need to be held accountable for my own happiness.

Before I go into the 3 obstacles one encounters on the path to freedom, let me give you some backdrop of how these 3 obstacles came to be.

I’ve quit a corporate day job once already, back in November 2008. And now, I’m quitting another corporate day job. Soon.

Can you possibly imagine the grief and confusion I’ve caused my family?

“But you’re so educated! All the years of schooling, what a waste to just quit just so you can “write” and “do art.” Those are just hobbies, not careers. Why can’t you just do that on the side and hold a respectable job at the same time?”

“Do you know the shame you’re putting on this family? What a disappointment.”

“I cannot believe you would do this again. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Are you insane? Look at the economy out there! Your cousin can’t even get a job and here you are, quitting! Why do you have to do this?”

“You were not the daughter we thought you to be.”

And the list of berating continues.

Of course, I could have completely avoided this by locking my dreams up in a box, telling it to be very, very quiet and not make a sound, while I turn my back to it and walk away, never coming back to unlock it.

I could remain in a dead-end corporate day job, in an 8×10 cubicle breathing stuffy, stale air, deadening under a fluorescent light, and gazing out the windows to where I can breathe again.

I could remain in a position where I have to maneuver my meager vacation days just so I can take a break from something in which it pains me to remain in.

I could remain in a position where I am not much different than a pig in a caged pen ambling toward its trough for what little food it gets. This, I liken to The Trough Effect.

I could do all this and thus, ensure everyone is pleased and happy. Everyone … except me.

0-

I’m Scared, But I’m Also a Believer

Truth be told, I’m scared to death. I’m scared of losing everyone that I’ve ever cared about because of a decision I’ve made that looks selfish and stupid to them. I’m scared that they are right, that this was all just a bad idea. I’m scared that I’m wrong, that I’m making the worst mistake of my life.

But I’m also a firm believer. I believe my life was meant to play out like this, that I was supposed to be thrown in the fire and figure out how to get through the burning flames alive. I believe I was meant to be extraordinary. I believe my life was meant to be more than just sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day, 50 weeks a year, 40 years of my life. I believe I was meant to do great things and to inspire and help others along the way. I believe I was meant to make a positive difference in this world, that I could somehow, someway, leave a legacy behind me when my life has come to an end. I believe.

One of the truths I’ve discovered while exiling myself from mediocrity so I can live an extraordinary life, is that one must truly want freedom in order to actually do anything about it.

If you just think “Oh, that would be nice … but I can’t. I’m too old/young/uneducated/educated/broke/rich to do that” then freedom’s path is not one for you. You must listen to yourself and what you are saying. You are the only one holding yourself back.

You may think it is your parents, your significant other, your relatives, your friends, your colleagues, and your peers that are holding you back from your dreams. But they are not.

You are your own person and so you must live your life the way you see fit. If that means upsetting a few folks along the way, it is the price you have to be willing to pay in order to realize true freedom.

-

The 3 Obstacles

Obstacle #1: Society

Society has led us to believe certain things about the way the world works and how we are to live our lives.

“Get good grades, and go to a good college.”

“Find a respectable job.”

“Get married and have kids.”

“Buy a house.”

“Now buy stuff to fill your big house with.”

“Work 40 years in a job so you can have enough in your 401(k) to retire comfortably. Then you can travel and have a good time.”

Is this all there is to life? Going by the books while each of us has cookie-cutter versions of one another’s lives? Whatever happened to living life radically, extraordinarily, passionately?

This doesn’t mean those who do lead such radical lives are all traveling nomads who live out of a backpack, have not a care in the world, and are in their 20s and 30s.

Those who do want to lead such lives can be at any age, any race, any religion, any country. Because when it comes down to it, it is your life and society be damned. They don’t know a single thing about what is innately good and best for you. Only you do.

Now go with your gut instinct, follow your heart, and never look back to the status quo. That’s where society wants you to be in. Resist.

Obstacle #2: Fear

Fears can be extremely debilitating. They can have us fail before we’ve even started anything.

Fears of the unknown, the ambiguous, the extreme. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of abandonment. These are all legitimate, and oftentimes, very real fears.

We must first acknowledge these fears. Ignoring them won’t do us any good but to prolong the agony and anxiety.

Then, and only then, can we start to take proactive measures to address these fears.

Say you wanted to quit your soul-deadening day job where you were absolutely miserable in. You wanted to follow your dreams of becoming a professional chef. You were always a foodie and loved cooking. At any given time, you were found in your kitchen, creating delicious concoctions, and if you weren’t there, you were at your day job, doing something you hated but because you had to in order to be a good little worker bee and please others.

But you had fears. You didn’t want everyone you loved to abandon you, to not support you. You didn’t want to fail horribly and come crawling back, now with your head hung low in shame while others jeer at you saying “Told you so! Idiot.” You felt you couldn’t handle these rejections. So you stayed where you were at. Unhappy but at least you didn’t ruffle any feathers.

These fears are real and must be battled fiercely. If you don’t, self-doubt and negativity will envelope you and slowly suffocate the creative self you were meant to be until nothing remains but the empty shell of your former self.

Obstacle #3: You

We give a thousand and one excuses as to why we can’t do something when that same energy could have been channeled towards finding ways we can.

Such excuses include:

“I’m too old to start my own marketing business. Don’t you see? I don’t have youth on my side.”

“I’m too broke to fund myself if I branch out on my own. I don’t have enough saved and I have too much debt to pay off still.”

“I’m too young and inexperienced. No one would want to hire me as their consultant when they’re twice my age.”

“I’m not tech-savvy and just can’t understand what all this “social media” is. How am I supposed to connect with my customers if I can barely use my Outlook?”

“I’m comfortable where I’m at. I may not be totally happy but at least I have my retirement taken care of, insurance, profit-sharing, and other nice benefits.”

You must realize the underlying true reason of why you feel you can’t do something. There’s a common thread to such excuses:  you.

You, and only you, need to decide what’s best for you and what makes you truly happy. Not your family, not your parents, not your peers, not anyone should tell you how you are to live your life. Their standard of happiness is not the same as yours.

If going to a 9-to-5 job every single day for 40 years of your life sounds like a really bad plan and way of living, then it probably is. Do something about it. Though you may upset many folks who think this is the proper way to make a living and take care of yourself and your family, realize that if you never even tried, you will never have known whether or not following your dreams was worth every risk, every rejection, every negative response. You could be living an extraordinary life rather than just dreaming about one.

-

The Realization of These 3 Obstacles

Realize that all 3 obstacles are inherently deep-rooted fears. They won’t just go away and they won’t be dealt with in just one day.

It is a continuous battle one must fight in order to realize true freedom and happiness. Is it worth the price you have to pay? You must decide whether or not it is indeed worth it.

And once you’ve decided, go. Go all the way, through and through. And never look back. Those who have done it before you – and have made it – are waiting on the other side for you.

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

• Fear, Exposed – Featuring Monica O’Brien
• Fear, Exposed – Featuring Illana Burk
• Fear, Exposed – Featuring Susan Finch
• Fear, Exposed – Featuring Danny Mannina
• Fear, Exposed – Featuring Steve Thomas