So–*sips stronger coffee than your grandfather*–The Middle Finger Project has been moving and shakin’ its ass all over the dance floor.
If she weren’t my business, I’d think she were a huge hoe. But since she is my business, I have no choice but to strap on my most siren-ey, man-eating heels, kick it into high-octane salsa mode, and GET DOWN.
That said, we have announcements today. *Cue the man in the purple tights to blow his horn*
TMF is about to bust some of her best moves, so don’t blink or you’ll miss it. Except do blink, because not blinking is dangerous. Your eyes could dry up and then you’ll crash your car, and I am not taking responsibility for that hoopdelah.
*HORN BLOW* Announcement #1:
Given the wildly flattering popularity of the 8 week TMFproject Copywriting Workshop I gave a few months back–and the subsequent (equally flattering) demand for mooooore–I’ve decided to do something I was never planning on doing. Something other than yoga, which I’m still not planning on doing. I hate yoga.
On Monday, November 19th, I’ll be releasing a self-study version of the copywriting workshop, complete with all 8 weeks worth of classroom instruction, recordings, video, and each week’s cliff notes.
Now, you can learn at your own pace, instead of waiting on me. (I hate when people are waiting on me. Especially if it’s a bad hair day and you just. can’t. seem. to get out of the bathroom.)
And yes–that will be Thanksgiving week. On purpose. Because that means you’ll have plenty of time to get a jump-start–and learn how to sell with your words better than any other motherfucker on the internet. And you don’t even need to use words like motherfucker. I just do because I’M WILDLY PROFESSIONAL LIKE THAT.
*HORN BLOW* Announcement #2
Have a question about which business name is better?
How many times/week you should send your god damn newsletter? (Hint: Do not call it a newsletter.)
Or how the hell to fold a fitted sheet? (Actually, don’t ask me that. I don’t know the answer.)
Introducing The Third Degree, by The Middle Finger Project.
The Third Degree sounds like it’s going to be something really fucking fancy, but that’s just because I have a background in PR and I’m good like that. But it’s actually nothing fancy at all–it’s just a way for you to tweet me your most pressing questions, and then wait at least 2.7 hours for me to respond because I’m probably drinking wine with a Latino man.
Seriously. Any question goes, as long as you can fit it into 140 characters on Twitter.
All you need to do is write the question in a general tweet to the world, and then add the hashtag #the3rd. Without the period. Periods are gross.
You can ask questions anytime. This isn’t a structured Twitter chat. It’s just something I’m doing because I want to interact with you more, I suck at email, and I think Twitter makes me look nerdy awesome. Clearly. That said, if I don’t respond right away, I will soon. Hang onto your panties.
In sum: Any question. Add hashtag #the3rd.
*HORN BLOW* Announcement #3
We have our new affiliate program set up! If you don’t know what an affiliate program is, don’t worry about this announcement, but if you do, and you want to help spread the word about TMFproject–and get paid for it?
Then you should probably click here.
50% commish, which could mean up to $100 in your pocket per sale.
Way better than running a lemonade stand.
*HORN BLOW* Announcement #4
I’m starting another new company. It’s called Life Hooky. I’m not telling you any more than that. Muah. Ha. But keep your eyes peeled.
*HORN BLOW* Announcement #5
You may have missed the updates on the book. If that’s the case, then you should know that the book isn’t going to be launching until Spring 2013. I’ve had a lot of people asking, so thought I’d mention it again, as I sit here trying not to get pineapple juice on my keyboard. That’s because I’m eating a pineapple. Unrelated.
Anyway, there’s a lot of reasons why it won’t be released until Spring 2013, but every single one of them relate to the fact that THE BOOK WILL BE APPROXIMATELY 281 TIMES EVEN BETTER THAN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN OTHERWISE. So it’s for the best. Sort of like the time you didn’t drink and drive. Like I said, for the best.
*HORN BLOW* Announcement #6
Just kidding. This isn’t really an announcement. It’s a way that I can end this post in a semi-elegant way. Way better than the time I went to junior prom and ripped my stupid violet satin dress. Who wears violet satin, anyway?
See this quote?
“I don’t know where I’m going from here but I promise it won’t be boring.” – David Bowie
If you agree, SHOW YOURSELF.
Click here and write “I!!!” in the comments section – and STAND THE HELL UP WITH ME.
And with every single person who’s always secretly known, deep down, that life wasn’t meant to be a test. It was meant to be a big fucking playground.
Do not sit this one out.
Thanks for listening. And for being a part of my world. And letting me be a part of yours.
WHO’S WITH ME?