Comments on: Get Your Own Picket Fence (Or Don’t) : A Note on Relationships

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By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:10:15 +0000

@Barb
What beautiful prose–thanks for sharing that here. That's exactly the point, isn't it? (Just put much more eloquently than I could have ever said it!)

Too often, we get so wrapped up in one another, that we become one. To some, that seems like it should be the goal. To the wise, it's clear that that's the first mistake. But we only learn though trial and error, right?

By: Barbara Jamelli

Barbara Jamelli — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:02:22 +0000

From the words of “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran:
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

In other words, love and being your own person (operative words: YOUR OWN PERSON) can and should mutually co-exist

By: Trece

Trece — Fri, 28 May 2010 22:59:11 +0000

Would I pick the same way? Absolutely NOT!! I'd probably stay single. And happy. Sigh…

By: Joshua Best

Joshua Best — Wed, 26 May 2010 18:18:06 +0000

If you do – you can't give me credit – I heard it somewhere… I'm just not sure where.

By: TJ_The_Bartender

TJ_The_Bartender — Wed, 26 May 2010 11:16:09 +0000

Totally agreed. If you get a chance to hear the stories of what happened in my last 3 “flings” you'd be surprised how shitty things got.

P.S. Already signed up and pushing of the 7 cities of Southern Virginia!

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:50:43 +0000

@Floreta
Damn girl, we need to get you a talk show, STAT. I'm not even kidding. You're absolutely brilliant.

I really loved your distinction between knowing something intellectually and knowing something emotionally. As human beings, we always act on emotion (that's what sales copy is geared toward, for example), and then justify with logic later. So you're right when you say we can't control our emotions–sometimes, the only thing we can do is ride them out.

What a conundrum!

YOU'RE the one who has me thinking today!!!

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:47:39 +0000

@Dave
Yes, I agree! Except I think that it's less common to find than it sounds, which is disheartening. I always promote human connection as one of the greatest forces that can bring us so much happiness, energy, vitality and spirit….but it does raise the question, where's the line to be drawn between not enough connection and too much connection? On the same token, I've found myself at times taxed by the numbers of people that are in my life–having to keep up with everyone is exhausting alone–yet at the same time, I am so grateful for their existence.

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:45:01 +0000

@MarenKate
Clawfeet! Right? Ha.

I've never been to France, but perhaps I should take a little jaunt on over there ASAP………;)

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:43:41 +0000

@TJ the Bartender
You know, I've done the whole “I don't date” thing myself. I might still sort of be there. In my past experience, relationships have served to hold me back rather than push me forward, and I shutter at the thought. Though, I've got to remind myself that it's probably just because I haven't been in the right ones.

P.S. Go to http://www.waybelowstatusquo.com, sign up to visit us when we come to a city near you & I will gladly wear a cape and a bikini. Mostly because that'd be hilarious. :p

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:41:21 +0000

@Ben Moreno
Ah, I giggle at the thought of soul mates. There are certainly many, many people that might semi-qualify, but to assert that there is one person among the billions seems a bit kooky, no? Nice, heart-warming idea…realistic? Not so much.

Good to see you here, my friend!

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:40:18 +0000

@Chris
I wonder how much of that expectation is socially constructed, rather than biologically hard-wired into us….I would have to guess a large percentage.

Thanks for the kind words!

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:39:12 +0000

@Srinivas
I once dated someone who told me that without me, he'd be completely lost. That was when I knew that it needed to end, because I couldn't imagine having the burden of being someone's everything....nor couldn't imagine what he was going through himself if that were the case.

I think the grand conclusion here is this:

Relationships are weird.

The end.

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:37:56 +0000

@Nate
Buddy, can you set up a course on this and then administer it to me and all my gal pals? Seriously, what awesome insight. Being overly dependent on yourself is, too, a flaw–you're right–we have to be open just as much as we have to remain distant. Interesting to ponder….

By: TMFproject

TMFproject — Wed, 26 May 2010 04:34:47 +0000

@Cori
I think you've identified why long-term relationships aren't my game right now–”to work long term, you need to want the same things out of life.” It's rare that I find the guy willing to haphazardly traverse the globe and take all of the risk along with the exhilaration that accompanies it.

Too often, we make choices in mates because of chemistry, which is great, but inevitably will have an expiration date. So to that end, I suppose it depends on one's goals.

Thank you for leaving such a lovely, well-thought out comment. Much appreciated!!!