I don’t have a good title for this shit, but it’ll help you get clients. Rah. Rah.
Remember when I said that I’d have more details on February’s Costa Rica trip for today?
Total lie.
Well, not really. But I’m still waiting on some places to get back to us on accommodation costs and discounts and exactly how many pina coladas a monkey can drink in one sitting, because obviously I plan on spending approximately 79% of my free time feeding monkeys things I shouldn’t.
The other 21% of my free time, when not retreating it up, will be divided equally between watching surfers, pretending not to watch surfers, and feeding pina coladas to surfers.
And no. I refuse to take the extra step to click into my character map and actually copy/insert the “n” with the squiggly thing on top to produce the correct “pina” in “pina colada.”
What do you think this is, a real blog?
Demanding bunch of jerks.
Just kidding. You’re my demanding bunch of jerks. And by jerks I of course mean “best, most wonderful group of people on the face of the planet, next to my kindergarden class of 1989, because those cats were mad cool.”
So. The retreat. Wait, let me rephrase that. THE retreat. As in, the official TMFproject Biz + Beach retreat. The one where we’re going to kick your biz into high gear while we chill out and drink mojitos in our private bungalows after a sun-filled day frolicking on the beach and playing in the rainforest.
We’re still in the process of comparing some accommodation options to see what makes the most sense. I’ll be back in a flash with more details as soon as I have them, so you can decide if you’d like to join us! (Clearly, you must. It’s going to be amazing. Just imagine what a scavenger hunt put on by ME would look like, and that’s only the beginning.)
By the way, allow me to introduce you to Jose.
Jose is my friend and Costa Rican empanada man who wakes up at 5am each morning, and then proceeds to make homemade empanadas with his wife, before loading them into coolers, and then spending the day from dusk ’til dawn hiking the beach and neighboring towns, selling his beef, chicken and cheese heaven (complete with homemade spicy sauce that will trump Frank’s, and you KNOW I don’t ever, ever diss Frank’s).
I met Jose when I lived there in 2004. We became friends. We did not make out. Shut up.
When I got a contract to write an eBook on visiting Costa Rica in 2007, I mentioned Jose in the eBook. Now he tells me that people from all over the world see him on the beach and shout out his name, and say that they saw him in the guidebook. Amazing.
The point of this incredibly touching Hallmark story is that if you join us, you WILL be meeting Jose, too, so you should probably get excited. Empanadas on me, baby!
Next on the agenda: Clients + Cash: Never Hunt For Your Next Gig Again
I’ll be re-launching my kick ass online program to the public for the first time since August, Monday, November 28st, at 12pm EST.
Cue the kazoos. Actually, stop kazooing, because that’s fucking annoying.
If you’re a service provider and your biggest challenge is getting more clients, this is the course for you! (Insert hugely superficial male infomercial sales voice! Except don’t really.)
The premise behind the program is that it teaches how to make clients come knock down your door–rather than you having to go knocking on theirs.
These are the same principles that have allowed me to currently be copywriting for Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, and Adrian Peterson of ze Minnesota Vikings. (I thought once our professional relationship was over we could totally date, but, of course, there’s a wife and baby in the way. Freaking stable families getting in the way of my romances. Psh.)
Other clients have included movie producers, big ass Silicon Valley start-ups, the head astrologer at Cosmo, and many other high-profile clients. I was actually approached by that chick from the new Bravo TV show, The Headhuntress, since that seems relevant right now. (I think the pilot just aired this week.)
But guess what?
The point is that I didn’t have to approach a single of one them. (Thank goodness. That would have been scary.) Every single one of them approached me, as do all of my clients. Because I’ve engineered it that way. And that’s what the course is really all about–leveraging the internet in ways that allow you to get a steady stream of clients rollin’ in the door…so you get a steady stream of cha-ching in your bank.
(Except it’s not really a cha-ching sound, because that would imply that you make coins, when in reality, it’ll be more like STACKS O’ PAPER, making the sound much more like, “shwsh shwsh shwsh.”)
I have to admit, I regularly turn away new projects because I just don’t have the bandwidth. (Braggity brag about your first world problems, Ash.) While I’m really not trying to brag (if I was trying to do that, I’d brag about how much fun we’re going to have on the beaches of Costa Rica in February), I AM trying to demonstrate that it’s more than possible.
So. Monday’s the day.
All you need to know is that it’s re-launching then, and that I’m going to be making some sexy offers you probably won’t want to miss, unless you or your wife are going into labor or something, in which case you should probably tend to that.
There are also screencasts that involve obnoxious amounts of dance party breaks. Obviously a huge selling point.
Now. If you don’t mind, I’m off to go make a hilarious video about it all, which I’ll be posting–oh–SOON.
THE END.
No, really. This is the end of the post.
I know you don’t believe me, since I usually go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on.
And on.
See I’m doing it again.
Okay, for real. This is the end.
Somebody.
Pull.
Me.
Away.
From.
This.
God.
Forsaken.
Macbook.
Wait, if I were Buddhist, could I still say, “god forsaken,” or would I totally have to give that one up?
Shit.
Yet another first world problem to solve.
But fortunately I’m not Buddhist, so I’ll try not to let it keep me awake at night.
Instead I’ll be wondering whether or not Jose from Costa Rica would make me a special jumbo sized empanada for our welcome cocktail party.
Obviously he will.
He and I are buds.
Okay.
Really. This is the end.
TWIZZLERS!
Unrelated. Don’t ask.
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