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Paper In Your Coffee

this entry has 13 Comments/ in Lessons + Stories from the Road, Shit That Matters / by Ash

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There are some people who don’t get the whole concept of an assembly line. You know who I’m talking about – those hanyacks at the Starbucks who come up beside you at the milk station, their panties in a bunch, tapping their foot, doing the hokey pokey at 8 o’clock in the morning because they are trying! to get around you! to use! the creamer!

And then the pressure’s on. Oh is it on! You start to get flustered. They’re staring at you. You’re holding them up. You’re holding everybody up. You drop your keys. Put the elbow of your suit jacket right in the puddle of non-dairy soy. Say “shit” out loud instead of under your breath. And just as you’re about to finish up—just one last packet of sugar to go!—it happens.

The corner of the sugar packet goes-a-floatin’ right into your coffee. It does that wet paper thing and then sinks, so now you’ve got to take your hand, make the universal stop sign to the feral dogs behind you like you’re some construction worker on I-95, and reach over to grab one of those bullshit little red wannabe straws, all so you can try and fish out this ridiculous piece of paper before they start a mob scene behind you and Starbucks burns to the ground.

There’s always going to be somebody on your ass, pushing, pleading, demanding, needing—whether you’re in Starbucks, in a business meeting, at a family reunion, or on a first date. (Though after that third bottle of wine, it might be you who’s doing the pleading.)

What matters isn’t who they are or what they’re doing—what matters is how much you let them distract you. You might just be making coffee, but you also might (finally) be writing that book, chasing those dreams, taking those steps, or doing what you’ve always secretly wanted to.

In other words, don’t let the hanyacks of the world step on your toes.

Because every chance they get, they will.

And every time you let them?

You won’t.

 

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← Take Off Your Girdle And Show A Little Leg: On Giving Your Business Some Personality, Already (previous entry)
(next entry) How Not to Feel Like an Asshole (Two Loud-Mouthed Audio Interviews) →
  • http://twitter.com/fairgamehunting Mariska Anderson

    I have hanyacks on my friggin’ shoulders, one on each devil/angel style, telling me what I also have to do, how I didn’t prioritise properly and therefore what I should be doing instead, hurrying me along, making me flusteredly (is a word. now.) kack everything up. Foot-tapping away, Tut-Tutting too. Feckers. Their names are ‘Should’ and ‘Ought’ and I’m doing my best to conquer the little bastards… your post encourages me not only to NOT put up with bullshit from others, but also bullshit from myself!

    • http://curvesnangles.wordpress.com/ Karen J

      @Mariska – would that I could 1^ your comment about a thousand times! :)

  • Pingback: Link Love 2/8/13 | Cordelia Calls It Quits

  • http://www.facebook.com/bloodedge89 Charles Ochoa

    Amazing + funny post. You’re a genius at this! My dad says the same “there will always be idiots around you, doesn’t mean you should actually listen to them or let them bring you down”.

  • http://twitter.com/MichelleMStev Michelle M. Stevens

    Thank you! I live with one of those “hanyacks.” I’m not letting that screw me up anymore cuz damn it! I’m awesome!

  • Anita

    Love this Ash! I’m dealing with some of this stuff right now. This pos reminds of the Mary Oliver poem (The Journey) which has the line “Mend my life!” each voice cried.

  • DrRona

    and because i wasn’t logged in bfore. i am posting again w my link i hope? HEY ORANGE and TURQUOISE :) looks spiffy. xo love the new POPs http://www.RonaThau.com

    • http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/ Ash Ambirge

      No, no – those colors aren’t staying. Due to a new development we’re going to be rebranding the TMF site – what you see now was just a test. :)

  • dr rona thau

    yo “lippy hub” lub it! color change. i’m thinkin i should be flattered but i’ll just drink my coffee and get outta here. LOVE YOU. (and coffee) no paper. swearing perfectly fine. psssssst. i put up a new blog post…week 1 :)

  • http://www.robinhallett.com/ Robin Hallett

    Are you reading my mind??!! You SO captured that crazy panic that comes from completely irrelevant-to-our-purpose crap!!! LOVE this and LOVE you!

  • http://www.learntocatchcatfish.com Chad Ferguson @CatchCatfish

    My wise father said, “Son, somebody’s always fucking with you. There will always be someone fucking with you. You can’t let it bother you because most people are assholes.”

    I wouldn’t type that on 99.99% of the other websites out there but I feel totally comfortable using what would otherwise be considered wildly inappropriate language with you.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1626880084 Cheri Sundra

    Just wanted to say “Awesome post”……My first real laugh of the day! Love your blog…..

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