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The Art of (Online) Seduction (And Why You Need It To Make Money)

See that incredibly sexy banner up there?  Yeah, that one.

No, I don’t have those kind of skills, so stop picking on me.  However, someone who does is the one & only Mars Dorian, who spearheaded the Striking Six Blog Series that involves 6 online mavericks sharing knowledge on how to craft an inspirational and powerful online presence.  However, the catch is that each maverick isn’t revealed until the day s/he is slated to publish their post–mysterious, I know.  And I love it.

The first two installments ran last week, with Mars himself kicking off the series with The Guerilla’s Guide to Attracting the Right Audience, followed by a post from the ever-sassy Francisco Rosales of SocialMouths, titled “Less Followers” is the New “More Followers.”

And so here I am today (curtsy), honored to be presenting the THIRD installment of the series (on a MONDAY…I know), giving you a whole lotta lovin’ on how to  craft sensational, just-got-punched-in-the-stomach, I-can’t-get-that-post-out-of-my-mind kind of kill-ah content.

The best part?

Not only do I get to participate in the series, but you also get a little sneak preview on just one of the many topics I discuss in my upcoming book on creating online businesses by doing what you love–LAUNCHING THIS WEDNESDAY!–called You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts:  Combining Passion + Self + Business Through Digital Entrepreneurship.

So without further ado, I’ll stop rambling like a 87 year old grandmother and get talkin’ some content.

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Think of a time when you’ve been doe-eyed & dazzled, blissfully swept off of your feet & helplessly lulled into the warm embrace of a whirlwind romance.

Was it the way they first looked at you?

The way they tenderly removed your wine glass from your hand, before caressing the side of your face?

The way they suddenly, desperately, hungrily pulled you in close for that first intense, painfully passionate kiss, your lips trembling against one another’s with an eager tension like you’ve never felt before?

Or maybe it was when they whispered in your ear that you were their soul-mate.

It was steamy.  It was hot.  It kept you guessing and on your toes.  It was a rollercoaster of emotions that kept you coming back for more.

You felt ALIVE.  Inspired.  Exhilarated.  Empowered.  Ready to take on the world.  Free.

It felt good, right?

Well this, friends, doesn’t just happen in romance.

This, friends, happens to be the exact same way readers feel when you produce compelling content for your blog.  Just like an exciting, passionate, whirlwind romance, compelling content draws them in, hooks them with charm, whispers all the right things in their ear, and leaves them breathless, pleading for more.

And why do you want need them pleading for more?

Well, besides the fact that it’s an incredible ego boost, you want them pleading for more because when they want more of you, that’s what’s called (ready?) a business opportunity.

*cue megaphone*

A business op-por-tun-i-ty.


An opportunity for them to breathlessly plead,

“I just can’t get enough of you,

what else do you have that I can possibly get my hands on?!?!”


When you say—while ever-so-nonchalantly exhaling a puff of smoke from your cigar, and slowly standing up to meet their eyes—

Well, dah-ling, I do happen to have this other bit of wisdom over here,

but it’s reserved only for the real game-changers, so it’ll cost ya.”


And they say,

“Whatever it takes.  I want what you’ve got.”

And that’s when you direct them straight to your Paypal shopping cart.

Cha-ching.

Did you hear that? I want what you’ve got.

This is an important concept for anyone trying to launch their own digital business to grasp.

So CONTENT = Really important.  In short:

You’ve got to seduce your audience.  And you’ve got to make it goooood.

When it comes to blogs, readers don’t just read for informational purposes—there are Wikipedias for that.  Readers read because they want the information, but they also expect to be entertained.  They like hearing stories, listening to perspectives, and gaining validation for their own ideas and thoughts, through yours.  Above all, they like connecting to other human beings who represent who they want to be.

That said, successful blogs don’t just provide information – they’ve provide an experience for the reader. (See my last post on 67 Emotions for an example of this.)

A seduction experience, if you will.

The experience doesn’t have to include dark hotel rooms, red lipstick, Cuban cigars & a bottle of scotch, but it’s got to produce the same effect as if you were to alluringly catch a reader’s eye, point directly at him/her, and then slowly motion with your finger to come hither…before smacking them across the face with your bare hand, and then sitting them down for a nice chat.

That’s right–you heard correctly.

Those are actually the steps to producing killer content.  Let’s break it on down:

1.  CATCH A READER’S EYE

When someone catches our eye in real life, they catch our attention.  You’ve got to catch the eye of your reader—their attention—by crafting a killer headline.  Most people will decide almost instantaneously if they want to read what you have to say based on the headline alone.  So even if the rest of your content is the most enthralling shit in the world, no one will ever know—UNLESS they care enough to click past the headline.

How do you craft a compelling headline?

The most important piece of advice I can give is to be INTRIGUING.  There are many copywriters who rely on proven formulas, such as starting with, “The Secret of…” or “Little Known Ways to….” or “Get Rid of {insert problem} Once and For All” or to simply pose a question that you think your readers will want the answers to.

To me, that all spells intrigue.

Readers will click to read more if they’re curious about what you might have to say.  When writing your headlines, imagine if you, yourself, would be inclined to click on your headline. If you aren’t, don’t just throw something up–rework it.  Don’t be lazy with this step.

2.  POINT DIRECTLY AT HIM/HER

This is a metaphor for your first couple of paragraphs—pointing directly at them is another way of making the reader feel like you’re talking RIGHT TO THEM.  This is probably one of the most important elements, beyond headlines.  You must first know who you’re writing your blog for—what target audience are you trying to attract?  And then you’ve got to think like them.

Put yourself in their shoes.  Or, if you’ve been in their shoes before, put yourself back there and try to remember exactly how you felt at the time.  Then, communicate those feelings in writing, by either asking readers if they feel this way, or have this same problem…or starting off with a story talking about the problem.

Make them feel like you know the situation they’re in.  You can relate.  You’ve been there.

This is how you earn their trust, and encourage them to read more.  Once they feel you can relate, they’ll want to know more about the solutions you’re offering—or whatever your main point is.  And that’s a goal of yours—to continually be convincing the reader to read the next sentence.  And the next.  And the next.

Point directly at them.  Call them out.  Make them feel like you know exactly what they’re thinking.  This has been one of my factors of success with my writing—one of the most common comments I get is, “I feel like you were reading my mind!” This is what you want.  They’ll listen to you afterward.

3.  SLOWLY MOTION WITH YOUR FINGER TO COME HITHER

This is where you lead up to your argument, or your story, and provide some background.  You build your credibility.  It’s where you draw them in, nice and close, whispering sweet nothings in their ear, and position your viewpoint that way you like it. You frame things for them, so they have some idea of where you’re going with all of this.  You paint a picture. Metaphors & similies are good for this, because it can help to make your concept more clear.

If you couldn’t tell, I seem to be a fan.

4.  SMACK THEM ACROSS THE FACE WITH YOUR BARE HAND

And boom– after you’ve got them licking their lips, you go in for the kill, and make your main point – ideally, you want this to be bold, refreshing, insightful, unexpected & unapologetic.  Some shock value is good (but be careful not to make false claims.)

You want them to FEEL something from your words—just like a smack across the face.

It doesn’t have to sting, though; you can aim to make them feel any range of emotion, as long as it makes your point.

This is what you set out to communicate in the post–this is where the fireworks come in, baby.  This is where you say what you mean, and you damn well better mean what you say.

5.  SITTING THEM DOWN FOR A NICE CHAT

This is the equivalent of tying everything together, drawing some conclusions, and wrapping up the post—it’s important, because the very last sentences can serve to really hammer home your point & make the post memorable….or leave it waving in the wind as just so-so.

What do you want to leave your reader with?  A question to ponder?  A statement?  An action item?  A surprise?  A smart-ass remark?

While that shebang of a metaphor can help guide you through crafting a post, there are some overall elements that can help, too:

  • For God’s sake, lighten up.  Use some humor, man. Everyone’s so afraid they won’t be taken seriously if they don’t sound “professional.” The internet is so saturated with the same old, same old everywhere you turn, that readers are absolutely delighted when they come across a real personality.  Do not be afraid to inject your voice.  Actually, scratch that—you MUST inject your voice if you want compelling anything.  Just ask Mars—he’s the king of that, and clearly, it works.
  • Take a stand, dammit. Oftentimes, bloggers are scared to alientate their audience, and so instead of saying what they really think, they beat around the bush and waffle on both sides. They’re afraid of criticism.  Don’t be that guy.  People will find you interesting—and someone worth listening to—if you actually have an opinion on something. Voice it.
  • Be brutally honest. It’s refreshing.  Refreshing = appealing.  This is a seduction, after all.
  • Don’t be afraid to be an authority.  A lot of new writers are afraid that their readers are going to see through them, and figure out that maybe they don’t know what they’re talking about.  So instead of saying things with intention, and making statements, they use sentences like, “In my opinion,” “it seems to me that,” “some of you might not agree, but…” “maybe I’m the only one who thinks this, but…” Instead of sounding like an authority with something to say, you end up sounding like a child asking permission to have his own thoughts.  It’s your website.  Say what you mean, and don’t apologize for it.
  • Do not.  Do not.  Do not.  Do not.  Do not.  Do not.  Do NOT have a bunch of typos. Consciously or not, it reduces your credibility, and makes it seem as if you didn’t care enough to edit.  And your audience wants you to care.  They need to feel cared about.
  • But on that same note, don’t be afraid to break conventional grammar rules either, if it helps make your point come alive. Notice what I did in number 5?  Those are some mad fragments, people.  But, it probably got your attention and probably made my point a little more salient than if! I! Had! Just! Said! It! Once!  Look—I just did it again.
  • Carry a mini-notebook with you at all times. Some of the best ideas for content come up at the least expected moments, and you MUST capture them.  Don’t tell yourself that you’ll remember later—you won’t.

At the end of the day, just as if they have just had the night of their lives with a devilishly sexy French woman wearing nothing but fishnets & a pair of smokey eyes, you want your post to be the one thing they can’t get off their mind.

Demanding?

Maybe.

Will you accomplish it in every post?

No.

Should you at least pull out your eyeshadow and give it a try?

You must.

You have no choice.

If you don’t, your words will be drowned by others who understand the importance of the art of seduction.

The real art of seduction, that is—the one that’s been seducing us all for centuries.

That of the written word.

P.S.  If you haven’t had ever had a whirlwind romance like the one described in the intro, I encourage you to drop everything right away, and hop the next plane to Barcelona.  Just do it.

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Who’s next ?

The next secret member in the series has build two successful blog and a thriving digital business in less than two years.

He’s a master when it comes to attracting audiences that want to do business with you.

Stay tuned for secret number #4 in the Series, publishing the magic on Wednesday, the 9th of December!

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The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story

Yesterday, a reader emailed me this:

Ok. I’ve added you to my “HEROS” list on Twitter because you’re absolutely one of the people I’ve come across that I want to emulate in some form or fashion (sans the dress and overseas love affairs with men).

Anyway, I’ve combed through your blog quite extensively (a literary masterpiece) and I can’t seem to really round up your story.

I guess, if you have just a moment, I’d love to hear who you are and how you started.

Well, I took that suggestion to heart, because I realized that I haven’t really told my story in full, because I always try & keep my focus on the reader.

But maybe it’s time.

I hope you can take something from it.

And when you’re tempted to send me hate mail for publishing such an obnoxiously long post, you’ve got the guy who sent me that email to thank.  ;)  While you’re at it, you should also probably tell him that overseas love affairs are so worth it.

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OBLIVIOUS

When tears silently fell from her cheek upon finding the note from her lover, 3 days before their daughter was born that read:  ”I’m sorry.  I can’t do this.”

ASHAMED

When classmates asked me what my daddy did for a living.  I lied & told them he was Crocodile Dundee, and had to be in Australia to tame the outback.

CONFUSED

When we used different money than everyone else to buy bread & milk.

BITTER

When I was 14 and stood waiting in the hospital for my step dad to come out of the doctor’s office. He handed me a phamplet. It read, “Helping Your Family Cope with Terminal Cancer.”

NOSTALGIC

When I would hear Puff Daddy’s “I’ll Be Missing You” come on the radio after he died, just a few short months later, after tearfully asking me to call him “dad” instead of “Jimmy,” like I always had. I got to call him it twice.

MORTIFIED

When it was just me & my mom after that, and all of the other 15 year olds had basements underneath their houses. We had wheels.

FRUSTRATED

When my mother’s debilitating anxiety & social disorder prevented her from ever coming to watch me play volleyball more than once in 4 years. We were almost state champions.

RELIEVED

When the founder of Monster.com thought I was worthy enough to be awarded a 4-year, all-expense paid scholarship to a private, liberal arts school—room & board included. The scholarship was based on financial need & demonstrated entrepreneurial spirit. My mom cried.

GUILTY

When I took the scholarship and left her all alone.

SADDENED

When an unexpected card would arrive with $50 that she didn’t have inside, telling me to go buy myself something pretty.

ANNOYED

When, 6 years later, I found myself in that same hospital waiting room. But this time, it was my mother I was waiting for to come out of the doctor’s office.

SCARED

When I realized the seriousness of the matter.

PATIENT

When she taught me how to pay all of the bills, as I wrote out check after check from her hospital bedside, as nurses came in and out to take her blood.

LIVID

When the doctor’s arrogant insensivity to her pain one day made her weep.

VENGEFUL

When I let him have a piece of my 20 year old mind.

FRUSTRATED

When college friends ragged on me for not going out that weekend to party.

RESENTFUL

When I couldn’t.

SHOCKED

When I got the phone call while driving to my first day at my internship at a local TV station.

DEVASTATED

When, by the time I got to our house, the coroner had taken her body & simply left a note on the door.

BITTERSWEET

When, 4 months later, I walked across the graduation stage & got my college degree, not even bothering to look out into the crowd for a familiar face, knowing there wouldn’t be one.

INDIFFERENT

When I hastily auctioned off all of our things.

LOST

When I sold our house & moved to Costa Rica—mostly because I didn’t know what else to do.

DISTRAUGHT

When I loved it there, but still felt the pressing need to “live up to my potential” & become a CEO.

HOPEFUL

When I flew back to the United States several months later to interview for my first real job.

WORRIED

When I realized that I didn’t have a home to return to.

GRATEFUL

When the job went so well, I received a promotion to head up marketing efforts.

DISHEARTENED

When I’d see planes pass by my office window, and longed to be one of the passengers on board.

DISAPPOINTED

When the realization came that I could only be one of those passengers for up to two weeks a year, from now until the day I retired.

DISILLUSIONED

When I discovered that my dreams of corporate success were never worthy of my time.

DESPAIRED

When others told me I was naïve, and that I just had to suck it up.

LONELY

When those same people spent Thanksgiving & Christmas with their families.

ARROGANT

When I quit my job in 2007 & decided to become a freelance copywriter instead.

FOOLISH

When I actually thought that spending my time developing corporate communications materials that didn’t interest me would be any better.

EXCITED

When that same year, Escape Artist gave me a contract to write an eBook on visiting Costa Rica.

SMART

When I realized they didn’t have exclusive rights, and I could develop my own site & sell the book there, too.

DETERMINED

When I laboriously tried to learn HTML.

ELATED

When I saw my very first sale come through Clickbank.

INTRIGUED

When I discovered the world of Google Adwords.

ADDICTED

When it became apparent that you really can make money online.

CONFIDENT

When I painstakingly slaved over a book proposal to write a non-fiction narrative titled, “The Truth About Mangoes.”

TORN

When I repeatedly received the infamous rejection letter (after rejection letter after rejection letter after rejection letter).

DESPERATE

When I wasn’t making as much money online as I thought I would, and had to borrow money from a boyfriend to pay my $1,000 a month rent.

HOPELESS

When I caved to pressure & agreed to take a job as an advertising account executive in order to pay the bills.

ENCOURAGED

When I got contract after contract signed on the spot.

UNCERTAIN

When, in my heart, I knew I needed more than signatures & commissions.

PETRIFIED

When, despite that knowledge, I was too scared to make any bold moves, knowing that I had no one in the world to back me up if I failed.

INCENSED

When I stood by and watched that fear get the best of me.

OPTIMISTIC

When I returned to school for my master’s degree in Teaching English as a Second Language.

ANXIOUS

When I imagined that my degree would allow me to indefinitely travel the world, and make anywhere I pleased my home.

IRRITATED

When loan applications were denied without a parent co-signer.

STUBBORN

When I decided that I would teach English online as a way to make up for it.

HEARTBROKEN

When, at a time when I was just barely making ends meet with $26 in my checking account, a good friend told me I needed to find a new place to live so her boyfriend could move in.

DEFEATED

When I had no choice but to go stay with a mysterious new guy I had been seeing.

DESTROYED

When, a few weeks later, I fought for my life as the mysterious new guy almost strangled me to death, and physically threw me outside onto the pavement because I was late.

HOPELESS

When I was alone & scared in the middle of the night, with everything I owned and no place to go.

ANGUISHED

When a friend told me it was my own fault, and that if I had only just played by the rules & had continued to go to work everyday like everyone else, I would have had had a savings & would have never have been in that situation.

OBSTINATE

When I decided to start The Middle Finger Project as a way to find people who GOT IT. Who got ME, and this NEED to seek MORE out of life…despite the consequences.

DILIGENT

When I taught myself everything I needed to know about blogging via endless Google searches.

VALIDATED

When my ideas were well-received, and I began to grow an audience.

COURAGEOUS

When I remembered how good my online success felt in 2007, and decided to learn as much as I could about affiliate marketing.

AMAZED

When some months I was making > $1000+ as a result.

EXHILARATED

When I found myself up until the wee hours of the night writing for the blog, which told me I was finally on the right path.

DEDICATED

When I decided I wanted to make it my full-time gig.

INSPIRED

When I continued on with TMF, and began plotting & executing some other online projects as well.

PEACEFUL

When my influence online grew & grew, and I began making more & more money.

INVIGORATED

When I decided to move to Chile, simply because I wanted to, and I can, since I no longer have to be in any one physical location, thanks to the internet. And later, Spain. And later, Costa Rica. And now, back in the U.S.A. for a jaunt in a sexy loft apartment I made my own.

HAPPY

When I looked around me yesterday, took a sip of my wine, and finally felt like I was doing what I was meant to do, and being what I was meant to be…despite the long road it took to get here.

That said, I have a message.

For everyone out there thinking to yourself that it’s unrealistic, YOU ARE WRONG.

For everyone out there shackled by fear, telling yourself that you could lose everything, YOU ARE RIGHT.

And for everyone out there that, despite that knowledge, is still willing to risk it by fighting for something more out of this fleeting speck of time we’re granted here on earth, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO WILL TRULY SUCCEED.

Because at the very least, you know that you did everything you could.

Not many people can say the same.

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On Authority: The Blogosphere/Real World Divide

While I’m wildly extroverted now, as an adolescent I was a surefire leg grabber; anytime anyone attempted to engage me with their phony, high-pitched cooing, my eyes would dart from side to side, as I ever-so-coolly began my retreat behind the nearest adult leg that would shield me from their artificiality–usually to the delight of my Uncle Jimmy.  He was one of the only ones I trusted; I saw how adults interacted with other adults, and it was different from how they interacted with me.   I was suspicious.   I was skeptical.  I was insulted.  I viewed their change of register as an assault on my intelligence.

And so the faintest hints of cynicism toward authority saw it’s early beginnings.

There’s been a lot of talk, lately, surrounding this notion of authority.   Just a few days ago, Problogger guest writer Kelly Diels wrote on the topic of authority in blogging, and what, exactly, that even means.  She did an excellent job of unpacking how authority is created, even delving into the role of gender in the meanwhile.  There were many definitions thrown about, including credibility, trust, rapport, reputation and experience, and, to a large extent, there seemed to be collective agreement.  That is, in terms of the blogosphere, anyway.

But . . . what about outside of the blogosphere? What about in the world we live in away from the computer screen?  Do the same rules apply?  Is authority granted, perpetuated, and respected based on the same qualities?

Take a police officer, for example.   What makes him an authority figure?  Is it because he’s credible, trustworthy, reputable and has lots of experience?  Or is it because we’ve internalized the proposed hierarchy, and have learned to regard police officers as authority figures because we’ve been taught that that’s what we should do?  Social order supposedly relies on governing authorities to maintain just that–order–and this is usually understood to be a positive thing.  On the flip side, however, it seems that maintaining order, in many cases, is a synonym for maintaining the status quo.   For maintaining the power structure.  For maintaining the interests of those in power.

That said, the question I really want to get at is whether or not this type of authority is actually authority.  Is authority synonymous with power?  Is authority nothing more than manufactured status in a uniform?  Initially, my first thought was that authority as such, based on power and control, is not what I’d naturally associate with credibility, trust or rapport, hence separating the real-world authority versus blogging authority in my mind.  (Although the two categories aren’t mutually exclusive.)  However, later it occurred to me that if the blogger’s goal is to gain credibility, trust, rapport and, ultimately, authority. . . isn’t the reason that authority is desired is so power and control can be gained?

To me, this reads as a converse relationship between the real world and the blogosphere; in the real world, one gains authority by first having power and control, and in the blogosphere, one gains power and control by first having authority.

Regardless of the circumstances, in either case authority is nothing more than a perception, as it’s been said.  It means being perceived as having power and control or, in the case of bloggers, being perceived as credible & trustworthy.  But, all in all, if authority is just a perception, and a perception is nothing more than an individual’s interpretation . . . then does actual authority actually exist?  More importantly, should we be abiding by, obeying, & living within the dimensions of something that doesn’t exist?  Or do we continue to play along, and for whose sake?

Certainly I’m not encouraging anyone to engage in a high-speed car chase when a police officer is attempting to pull you over for a traffic violation–that example was used because it made it easy to illustrate the point.  (As a matter of fact, please don’t.)

But what about authority in terms of your own life?   Do you live by your own rules, or someone else’s?  In other words, do you have power and control over your life, or does someone else?

What if you were to become your own authority on your life? Shouldn’t you be better qualified, given that you actually are an expert on you, versus someone who is just perceived to be?

I’m going to steal a quote from the email signature of a reader who recently wrote me, because I thought it was fantastic:

“They must find it difficult … those who have taken authority as truth rather than truth as authority.” ~ Gerald Massey

And with that, I digress.

What are your thoughts?  Is authority real?

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