Why Not Take The Leap?

I’ve been meeting a lot of truly smart, savvy, remarkable people lately.  So many are saying to hell with the safety net, and are leaping toward their passions, and haven’t looked back since.

On the same token, however, so many of those smart, savvy, remarkable people are not.

Frankly, this makes me want to burst into tears and heave a cartful of lemon tarts at someone.

I’m dangerous like that.

Being a naturally curious person, I’m prone to asking why a lot.  Why aren’t you leaping toward your passion?  If you’re not happy where you are, then why not change it?  What’s preventing you from living the life you wish you were?

I have this annoyingly obsessive need to know the answers to these things.  We’re capable of doing so much, yet don’t take advantage of the opportunities that are available to us.  By “doing so much,” that isn’t to imply that more is better, because it’s too often the case that we’re already doing so many things that we’ve created a self-imposed prison of sorts; we’re prisoners to our own lives, and we can’t get off the treadmill.

It isn’t a matter of quantity; it’s a matter of quality.  It isn’t about doing more; it’s about reflecting on what it is we’re already doing, and assessing whether or not what we’re doing make sense in line with who we want to be.

You are the sum of the collection of things you do.

On the surface, that may sound superficial–I am not defined just what I do, but what I think and what ideas I have!

Sure thing, cowboy–ideas are great, but an idea will only take you so far without action.

If you aren’t willing to take your ideas and thoughts and turn them into something tangible, then in a tragic sort of way they become nearly useless.  Sure, there’s some value in critical thinking by itself, but there needs to be a product of that critical thought in order for it to truly become meaningful.

Ideas are magical.  They have the power to transform your entire life, if only you’ll pay attention to them and then do something with them. The only time something is “just a dream” is when you allow it to be.  In this sense, we’re not just prisoners to our own lives, but we’re volunteering to be.

Top 5 Excuses (You Make) That Zap Your Dreams

Throughout the conversations I’ve been having with folks, I’ve noticed a common theme emerging.  It seems as if the following 5 excuses are most popular on why people aren’t doing what they wish they could do:

1.  I don’t think I’m good enough.

Someone call the self-esteem police; this one is just not going to cut it.  Ever.  First of all, “good” is a relative term.  As long as you know more about a topic than someone else, then you will be filling a need.

Second, if you really aren’t very good at something you’d like to do, you’ll never become any better at it if you don’t start somewhere.  Don’t let lack of experience prevent you from doing awesome shit; start small and build from there.

2.  I don’t have the time.

Doing awesome shit is a priorities game. You’re absolutely right–there are only 24 hours in a day, and sometimes we’re limited not only by hours, but by how much creative, emotional and physical energy we have at any given time.  Sometimes you’re just not in the zone; hell, I’ve been having a hard time myself getting in the zone as we work from the car.  As I type this, I’m writing with my mac on my lap in the passenger seat, en route from Wilmington, North Carolina to Orlando, Florida.

I get that.

But here’s the thing: Nothing’s going to change if you don’t start making time.  We aren’t super heros; you can’t do everything at once.  We need to carefully pick and choose our battles.

What are you fighting for?  In other words, what do you dedicate most of your time and energy to?  Is it helping you achieve your goals, or is it standing in your way?

3.  I don’t have the money.

Money simply isn’t as important as we make it out to be.  Most people assume that in order to start a business, for example, they’ll need to come up with so much capital and then find an office and then hire employees, etc. etc. etc.  We start imagining all of the details, and we become overwhelmed by them.  Frustrated.  Intimidated.  Scared.  And we chicken out.  We make excuses.  We tell ourselves that it isn’t the best time to be starting a business right now, anyway, and that maybe our job isn’t so bad–at least there’s free coffee, right?

It’s a fine example of voluntary self-imprisionment at it’s finest.

The truth is that it doesn’t have to be that complicated.  It doesn’t have to be that big.  We can start moving toward our goals inch by inch, and readjust as necessary.  We don’t have to start out having all of the bells and whistles; maybe we just get started doing some probono work to build our reputation, in order to find some paying clients who will help fund our growth.

Everyone started somewhere.  Having a lot of money isn’t necessary to do awesome shit; having the courage to take positive forward steps is. Imagine the goal, and then figure out a way to make it happen.  Don’t let a lack of funds deter you from exploring ideas that could change your life for the better.

4.  I don’t know how.

This might be the least valid excuse of all, and we need to pick it up and chuck it out the window, right into the dumpster.

If it turns out that you don’t know much about a given topic, then dammit, GO FIND OUT.  In the age of information, if you’re willing to dedicate a little time, then you can become nearly expert at almost anything.  Don’t be lazy–this is your life we’re talking about here.

5.  I don’t have a degree in X.

In the past, this argument might have been more acceptable; nowadays, however, it’s been rendered obsolete, thanks to the internet.  Degrees are nothing more than red tape; in reality, anyone can go learn the same amount of knowledge themselves through books, podcasts, forums, blogs, web searches, etc.

Let’s say tomorrow I decide I want to become a web designer.  I don’t need to go to a fancy design school and take out a ton of loans to do so; I simply need to get resourceful and start consuming information, start practicing, and start seeking feedback from those with more experience–not hard to do.  Hop on Twitter and leverage the incredible power of networking.

Then I brand myself as an expert in X, and start taking on clients.  Boom.  I’m a web designer.  Just like everything, there’s a learning curve, but it’s absolutely one worth riding on two wheels until you get your bearings. Obviously this might not work for all fields, but there’s a lot you can do on your own.  It’s about having the confidence to get started.

Whatever you do, do not let yourself become one of those “if only I had….” people.  You will never forgive yourself.

Be bold. Take chances.  Revel in the unknown.  And remember that there’s no proof that says that life was meant to be serious.  Get out there and play with it.  Engage with the world.  See what’s out there.

And always, always, always have faith in yourself.

At the end of the day, it’s all we’ve got.

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Remember our good friend the Dream Zapper (DZ)?

I first wrote about Dream Zappers in a guest post over at Corbett Barr’s Free Pursuits. (By the way, in case you’re interested, he’s just released an incredibly comprehensive course on affiliate marketing for bloggers – I know many of you are getting into blogging right now, so I thought I’d mention it.)

We’ve all encountered Dream Zappers before; they’re the ones jumping up and down to squish, squash and stomp all over your ideas & aspirations, usually accompanied by the likes of, “You’re being unrealistic,” or my personal favorite, “You’ll have to join the real world sometime.”

Big, giant menacing GRRR face.

In the post, I discussed the importance of defending your dreams, despite traditional advice that advocates not sinking to that person’s level, not taking it personally, and recognizing that it’s not you, it’s them.

And while I stand by that assertion, the truth of the matter is that it truly is them.  But even if we consciously know that, sometimes it still gets under our skin, nagging at our self-esteem and poking little holes in our confidence, because we just can’t figure out why. Why are DZ’s zapping in the first place?  What’s the deal, already?  What ever happened to live and let live, mon?  Can we get a little Bob Marley up in here?

It’s All Your Fault

I’ll tell you what happened.

What happened…was you.

To a Dream Zapper, you are actually the offending party.  Even though you aren’t outright attacking a DZ’s dreams, you’re indirectly doing so simply by existing.  The fact that you’re sitting there all inspired and hopeful with your zest for life and your bucketfuls of ambitions is nauseating to them, because it forces them to question their own realities.  And in being forced to question themselves, they may not like the conclusions that are drawn.

And that’s really freaking uncomfortable. (Tissue, anyone?)

It’s so uncomfortable, as a matter of fact, that our brains have actually adapted and developed a mechanism designed specifically to reduce any unpleasant psychological discomfort that’s experienced.  Know what that’s called?

The fine human art of rationalization.

Rationalization occurs as a necessary mental function to avoid cognitive dissonance–two conflicting ideas in our minds–in order to protect our ego and maintain our self-image.  (Dammit, Freud.)  In order to avoid anxiety, guilt, shame, anger, embarrassment or stress, people will bend over backwards and resort to irrationality and–you guessed it–ridicule.  You, with your ideas, are threatening the entire fabric of their consciousness.  And they no like-ey that.  You’re stressing them out, mon!

So in order to reduce that stress, they resort to rationalizing and justifying their own behavior, declaring it smarter, wiser, more realistic than yours.  Conflicting ideas cause people to self justify–not necessarily rationally–in order to regain psychological balance.

In other words, they’re Dream Zapping you in order to maintain their own sanity.

Rationalizations In Action

Normally, we tend to assume that a person’s actions (minimizing your ideas) are guided by their opinions (you’re wrong and are doomed to fail), but in actuality, a person’s actions are guided more by his/her rationalizations that take place in order to preserve his/her integrity, self-image and world view.

Want proof?

A study of people who were processing conflicting information about a favorite politician showed that the reasoning areas of the brain actually shut down.  Their brains simply stopped processing information that was inconsistent with the views they held about the politician.

Wild, eh?

To give an everyday example that you can likely relate to, if we believe ourselves to be fundamentally good people, the few times when we are hurtful to another person will cause dissonance, or tension, in our minds because good people don’t hurt other people.

In order to relieve the stress that this mental conflict causes, we rationalize the hurtful behavior by deciding that the other person deserved it or somehow forced us into that hurtful behavior.  And we’ve all been guilty of this little mental game, haven’t we?

Relative to what I discuss here at TMFproject, if someone has gone through their entire life up to this point believing that the standard American work-life model is the ideal–go to school, go to college, get a job, get a mate, get a house with a yard, get kids, etc.–and then someone comes along and says, “Pshhh!  That’s ludicrous! I’m going to do things this other way,“ that person’s mind will do everything it can to prove you wrong.

In the name of self-image and personal integrity, they won’t want to believe that.  So instead, they rationalize their own decisions and beliefs in any way they can to avoid that mental discomfort–even if that includes putting you down for yours.

We avoid mental anguish at all costs; our convictions about who we are and what we believe carry us through life, and we constantly interpret things that happen to us through the filter of those core beliefs.

When they are violated–for example, by you and your ideas–it causes anxiety that must. be. reduced.

Conclusion

See what I mean?  Told you it was them.  What’s one to do?  Frankly, there’s not a whole lot that can be done, except understand that the reason you’re getting zapped is independent of the validity of your decisions; the issue is not whether your decisions are sound, but rather how those decisions impact others’ egos.  And, wouldn’t it be a little silly to make decisions based on someone elses’ psyche?  You’ve got to look out for your own.

It also never hurts to gain validation and reassert your sanity by reading about others who have taken the unconventional path, and have been successful at doing so.

My personal recommendation would be to check out the work of:

Karol Gajda – A Polish born vegan athiest whose goal is to help 100 people receive ridiculously extraordinary freedom in life via online business & travel.  He’s cute, too.

Nomadic Matt – Another good-looking 20-something who has been traveling since 2005, and makes over $3,000 a month travel blogging.  He certainly didn’t let the Dream Zappers make any headway.

Adam Baker - A young family man with a wife & child who set off to sell all of their crap, find financial freedom and be able to go, live, work, play, WHATEVER…wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted.

Everett Bogue – The guy who decided he didn’t want a job anymore, so he quit…and then made one himself, blogging about the minimalist lifestyle.  He often talks about how great it feels to drop your TV off of your roof.  I like this guy.

So the next time a Dream Zapper shows up in your ‘hood, shaking their fists and showing their fangs, take heart in knowing that by letting them grumble, you’re saving them from a potential mental breakdown, in which case…

…that makes you a hero.

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Do people tell you that you should be more realistic?  That you’ll need to join the real world someday?  That your ideas will never work out because of x, y and z?

Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

They are Dream Zappers (DZ) and they’re coming to an aspiration near you.

Before you deliver a swift karate chop to their jugular, click here to check out my guest post over at Corbett Barr’s Free Pursuits:  Unconventional Lifestyle Designs for Adventurous People. If you haven’t come across Corbett’s site in the past, do yourself a favor and spend a few minutes on it.  It’s worth it. He’ll challenge you to answer two pressing questions: “Why do most of us work in jobs we don’t really love? Why do we give up the best years of our lives in support of someone else’s vision while living for the weekends?”

Awesome.  Check it out.

Peace!