Philly, represent!

Fate vs. Reality

I don’t believe in fate.  I don’t believe in destiny.  And as much as I want to imagine that somewhere in the world, there’s one lucky* special person out there who would make the perfect gouda to complement my oversized glass of Merlot, I think that’s a bunch of happy horseshit, too.

It’s certainly a nice idea, me skipping off into the sunset with my new hot pink Brazilian thong rammed properly up my Hawaiian Tropics buns, sipping a piña colada with some stupid little flower in it, accompanied by a tall, dark, semi-scruffy (what can I say, I dig a 5 o’clock shadow) picture of perfection with an unnaturally white smile who just happens to share the same passions as I do, including global travel, entrepreneurship, reading, writing, philosophizing and Donkey Kong.

While this is certainly not an unrealistic or unattainable scenario, the fact of the matter is that if this were the case, my Hawaiian Tropics buns Pennsylvanian winter cellulite and his well-defined biceps did not find one another as the result of any divine intervention.  Regrettably (fortunately?), Hasselhoff is not my soul mate after all.

Soul mates do not exist.  Fate does not exist.  And destiny sure as hell is on par.

Cynical, aren’t I?

Before plummeting into a fit of despair, allow me to qualify my claims and explain why this perspective is a good thing, and how being a little cynical can increase your quality of life exponentially.

Here are the standard definitions of fate, kindly copied and pasted, courtesy of dictionary.com:

1. Something that unavoidably befalls a person; fortune; lot.

2. The universal principle or ultimate agency by which the order of things is presumably prescribed.

3. That which is inevitably predetermined; destiny.

4. A prophetic declaration of what must be.

5. Death, destruction, or ruin.

Now, is it just me, or did anyone else notice that the same word by which people often refer to with affection — “It was fate that we met that night!” — also means “death, destruction or ruin?” That should have been a big red flag right there.

Here’s the deal: Pie-in-the-sky constructs like fate and destiny imply that we have no choice in the matter.  All systems are a go, and you’re essentially just a pawn. A marionette. A puppet. You might as well be Bert or Ernie. You’d be just about as productive. You’ve got no control.

I don’t know about you, but the only time I’ve truly lost control involved me, a London tapas bar, and a Spaniard.  That aside, the rest of the time, I, like you, are continually making conscious decisions about how I choose to spend my time and, ultimately, my life.

• Did you drag yourself out of bed this morning, force yourself to sit through rush hour traffic and then miserably sit through work today, relying on 24 oz. cups of coffee to make you look like you care?  That’s was a choice you made.
  
• Do you wish you could travel but complain you don’t have the money?  Did you go out and lease a new car this year?  That was a choice you made.
  
• Are you stuck in an unfulfilling relationship, and have resorted to becoming a bitter, old maid because you’ve been together for so long, that it would just be too difficult to start anew?  That was a choice you made. (That you should really, really remedy right away.)

As a matter of fact, every single thing you did today was a choice that you made. Even attending that pointless, let’s-congregate-in-the-conference-room-so-we-feel-like-we’re-being-productive staff meeting.

You’re probably thinking, “Ashley, you piece of *@&$, I have to go to work because I have to make money.”  Technically, no, you don’t have to go to work at all.  No one is making you.  No one has a gun to your head.  You’re making yourself because you want what’s offered in exchange: Money.  But what if you wanted something more than just money? (I should hope you do.) Can dragging yourself to your job tomorrow morning give you what it is you want beyond a paycheck?  If the answer is no, I’d seriously urge you to reevaluate what choices you’re making, and where you might be able to make better ones in the future in order to balance things out a little.

Too many people rely on the “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be,” or my personal favorite, “everything happens for a reason.”  That is the biggest bunch of absolute @*%$! I’ve ever heard.

NOTHING happens for a reason.  Things happen because you make them happen (or don’t).

Why am I raining on the parade?

Because too often, people use these nonsensical, feel-good mottos to dictate the course of their lives.  When things go wrong, it’s much easier to take a deep breath and convince yourself that it wasn’t you who made a bad choice.  No, conscience, it wasn’t my fault; everything happens for a reason.  Whew.  Good, I was beginning to worry there for a second.

This is nothing more than a lazy avoidance of responsibility for your actions, and a justification for that avoidance.

Now for the good news: Once you start acknowledging the fact that your entire life is within your control, you don’t just reap the negative consequences of having made a poor choice, you also reap the limitless positive benefits of recognizing your power and then using that power to create the life you want.  You are not a marionette.  You are a human being with opinions and emotions and likes and dislikes, and you’re also a human being who is entitled to what it is they want out of life.  All you’ve got to do is choose it.

I was fortunate to come to this realization years ago, and since I credit it as having been my most valuable and effective life tool.  Many people ask me how I am able to travel the way that I do.  Really, there’s no secret involved.  I am not more capable, more intelligent or more savvy than any of you. What it comes down to is simply the fact that I choose to find opportunities for myself.  I actively seek them out.  I do not travel because it was in my cards, or this was my destiny.  I travel because I choose to, and I make it happen because it’s important to me.

Once you realize the world is your playground, and you can choose to live any reality you’d like, then it simply becomes a matter of prioritizing.  If you want to go hit the town tonight and spend $100 on overpriced cocktails and cover charges into clubs full of sweaty, questionable people wearing sparkly lycra, go ahead.  Alternatively, you could skip tonight’s meat market and put that $100 toward a plane ticket fund, and then mingle with sweaty, questionable people WITH ACCENTS in Spain 6 months from now. Is there even really a question?

I guess I should probably wrap this up with some well-thought out, clever closing, but to be honest, I don’t feel like it.  So I’m choosing not to.  See how easy that was?

*Disclaimer:  All funny cross-out words are the stylistical trademark of Andrew MacPherson, and I blatantly stole it for this post.  You want to see someone who puts this principle into action and really chooses their lifestyle, on their terms?  He’s your man.  I’d encourage you to go see what he’s up to, but be careful. He’s addicting.

Thoughts?  Agree?  Disagree?  Think I’m evil?  Would love to hear any stories about making conscious choices to improve your life, and what the results were!