THE NO-DRINKING CHALLENGE, or Why I’m Going To Be Bitter This Month
I’m a betting kinda gal.
It all started when I was fourteen. The local pizza shop had a pool table, and it didn’t take long for me to notice that this was where the cute high school boys hung out. With their bowl cuts and too-cool-for-school attitude, they blasted Oasis’ “Wonderwall” on the jukebox and I swooned over their varsity jackets. Oh, did I swoon.
But being fourteen, they hardly acknowledged my presence, let alone swoon in return. What’s a girl to do?
She doesn’t wear short skirts. She doesn’t bat her eyes. And she certainly doesn’t blow bubbles with her chewing gum and position herself against the wall to look more mature, sexy and innocent all at the same time.
No.
She learns how to play pool.
My middle school afternoons were filled with blue fingers, tricky bank shots and the art of trash talk. Before long, the word “English” took on a whole new meaning.
I was good. I was real good. And man did it work in my favor. Before I knew it, I was kicking ass and taking names with the big boys. So, what does this long, drawn out story that I could have summed up in one sentence have to do with anything at all? Not a whole lot, except I wanted to tell it. That and…challenges.
I seem to have a thing for them.
Challenges are fun, especially when you’re in favor to win. So that’s why when Kristin Norris of Instigationology decided to publicly challenge me to one month of no drinking, I scrunched my nose, took a deep breath, and immediately accepted. Except this time, winning might not be in my favor. And, instead of winking at boys and making sarcastic remarks about sinking the 8-ball, I will likely be moping in the corner, making sarcastic remarks about her. (Love you, Kristin!)
A month of no drinking–not even my favorite Cab? This calls for a factory-sized vat of sparkling grape juice and one of those stress balls that you squeeze. Make it two.
THE CHALLENGE
So, here’s the deal. Kristin’s challenge was designed to serve three purposes:
Number One.
Make a statement for pushing one’s self outside of his/her comfort zone. This month, Kristin & I are going to be engaging ourselves in a number of crazy, funky, nontraditional activities that one might wish for a shot of Jack Daniels before doing. But alas, that’s the beauty of it–whether we feel like fools or not, it’s ON. And there will be videos. Enough said.
Conveniently, the initiative corresponds beautifully with my original intent for Operation: Get Excited, in which I videotape myself trying out one new activity per month, with the goal of inspiring people to get out there and get engaged in the world around us. As I stated before, living an excitement-filled, passionate lifestyle doesn’t always have to mean running off to Cuba, adorned in a Zorro mask and armed with nothing more than a leap of faith, in search of exotic cigars and cheap rum. (Although, if there’s a Zorro mask involved, I would definitely give it some thought.) There’s plenty of cool things you can do right here at home.
Number Two
Take the money that would have been spent on alcohol while socializing, and put it toward a plane ticket to ____________? We may or may not be covertly planning to hijack Sean Ogle in Thailand. And we may or may not be using this entire thing as a cover to do so. But in any event, it seems like a practical way to shift priorities a bit, and make finances work in our favor. Go big or go home, right?
Number Three
Kristin needs an excuse to take a burlesque class.
So there you have it. Whether it’s genius or disastrous remains to be seen. At the very least, maybe it’ll help me fit into my pants again since my little adventure in Central America. Apparently living in other countries justifies forgetting all about the basic principles of caloric consumption. Whoops!
To see the video Kristin made of us discussing the challenge, click here. But don’t say I didn’t warn you–we are out of control.
Cheers!
Oh, wait. I should probably refrain from saying that. Damn it all. I’m in so much trouble.
From the middle finger project, post THE NO-DRINKING CHALLENGE, or Why I’m Going To Be Bitter This Month
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Filed Under: Humor
About the Author: Ashley Ambirge is the sarcastic, brash, hot-sauce-addicted founder of The Middle Finger Project, where she gives the evil eye to mediocrity, fervently questions societal assumptions, and aims to inspire readers to flip a cordial bird to the shoulds, and live how they want.
Whiskey shots strictly optional.
