Why Stereotypes Piss Me Off (And How They’re Ruining Your Life)
A Little Story From My Childhood
We were only in the 6th grade. I had been friends with Angie since I moved to the area in the 1st grade. She was my first friend, as a matter of fact, which is why when I walked into the locker room to change for gym class and I heard my new friends–the “cool” crowd–picking on Angie, taunting her and insisting she still played with unicorns, I had to defend her. Despite the fact it was only 6th grade, it didn’t make cliques any less real; I should know since I was a member. But it was in that moment that I saw how I could use that position to do good.
I rounded the corner and interrupted their catty laughter: “You should talk, Veronica–wasn’t that a Barbie collection that I saw at your house last weekend?” Their laughter halted and it was apparent that no one knew how to respond. “Lay off of Angie,” I warned. “She’s cool.”
At that time, I was one of the “popular” girls–I had a middle school romance going with Vince, after all–so they backed down without much of a struggle. It prompted me to think, however, what happens to all who don’t have someone in their corner?
Pick On Someone Your Own Size
Whether it’s an innocent young adolescent girl, or a poverty-striken family, or a member of a minority, or perhaps an new immigrant, people everyday are getting picked on–both directly and indirectly–by those in a position of power. The motivations vary, but more often than not, those people likely don’t have someone backing them up–they’re left to defend themselves against a world that can be cruel, to say the least.
Worse, oftentimes those getting marginalized are being marginalized not because of something they’ve done, but because they fit a certain stereotype. The American-born latino who gets called a wetback and is looked upon as stupid, dirty, lazy, or amoral. The Jewish person who is automatically labeled as greedy nit-pickers. The Italian who is joked with about being violent, ignorant or otherwise associated with the mafia. The African American who is perceived as a trouble-maker, drug user or gang member.
Stereotypes teach us, via implication, how we’re suppose to perceive and treat others. The problem with that, however, is that stereotypes aren’t real; they’re merely an unfortunate, overgeneralized, oversimplified association. What better way to dehumanize someone than by reducing them to a handful of traits? By using stereotypes to guide our opinions about others, whether consciously or unconsciously, we are marginalizing not only them, but ourselves. We’re alienating ourselves, via misguided logic, from the people that make up this planet–and all of the incredible relationships, new experiences and learning opportunities–because we’ve allowed stereotypes to dominate our beliefs.
Stereotypes Are Everywhere–And They’re Royally ******* Things Up
Yet, stereotypes don’t just affect human relations. While the stereotyping of humans is likely the most prominent–and most detrimental–we tend to develop stereotypes across all aspects of living. One in particular that stuck with me just the other day, as we held our meet-up in Chicago, was something that writer Nina Yao brought up:
“Growing up, I loved art, but my parents warned me not to take it on as a career, unless I wanted to end up a starving artist. Instead, I went to school for business.”
The starving artist.
Oh, how hearing her talk about her long lost dreams being put aside, all in the name of a stereotype, added such a solemn note to my day; the common belief being that if you become an artist, you will be poor.
The implications here are so, so many, namely that those who pursue creativity as a career can be typecast as economically naive, foolish or irresponsible. Imagine all of us out there who have surrendered our passions to this belief, mistrusting our instincts, and instead gone out and gotten that safe day job? Society seems to separate art and business, hence perpetuating the starving artist stereotype, as well as perpetuating the number of lonely, overworked, uninspired, dispassioned souls out there, who are merely the victim of an attempt to be responsible.
For us, responsible erroneously does not mean being responsible to ourselves (and hence following the paths that secretly make us light up inside); rather, responsible means being responsible to the arbitrary economic and social standards that have been set forth to us by society. And this seems to be exactly where we all go wrong.
Stereotypes can be damaging on multiple fronts, but when it comes to that of selecting a career–and, consequently, selecting what your life will be on a daily basis–stereotypes can be the ultimate sabotage.
Many argue that stereotypes are stereotypes because of a set of statistics that back them up, and therefore are based in truth; however, what most people fail to realize is that stereotypes don’t conclude anything about a person, nor a career. You cannot possibly know the outcome of something until you engage with it–it’s as simple as that. You can try to predict through stereotypes–sure–but in doing so, you’re more likely to do more harm to yourself by marginalizing yourself from a world of opportunity that could have otherwise existed. But you’ll never know, because instead of finding out for yourself, you listened to everyone else.
No matter what, I beg of you–please, please, please don’t do that. Stop listening to what everyone else says, and what everyone else wants you to do. Trust in yourself. Trust in your instincts. Trust in your ability to make things work, even if they do go awry. You don’t need everyone else’s validation or permission to do what it is you want to do. When it comes down to it, all you need is your own.
From the middle finger project, post Why Stereotypes Piss Me Off (And How They’re Ruining Your Life)
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Filed Under: Life Inspiration • Philosophy, baby • Society & Culture
About the Author: Ashley Ambirge is the sarcastic, brash, hot-sauce-addicted founder of The Middle Finger Project, where she gives the evil eye to mediocrity, fervently questions societal assumptions, and aims to inspire readers to flip a cordial bird to the shoulds, and live how they want.
Whiskey shots strictly optional.
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Great article Ash. I would be interested in learning about the science of stereotypes – because I realized, while working with Children, they too stereotype people, without realizing it or even knowing what “stereotype” means. The whole notion is so engrained in our society I see no end to it.
@feint
It IS fascinating–they say that a lot of it is biological, and related to our necessity to make snap judgments since we can't possibly know every detail of everything ahead of time. Check out this article that I was looking at earlier today: http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2442521&page=1
P.S. What type of work are you doing with children?!?! Is this something new??
If only we'd bring our beginner's mind to all of life's experiences. I hate stereotypes. Hate them! Yet, what is the very first, flash-of-a-thought that so often enters my mind when I encounter something or someone new? The dreaded stereotype. Blech. I'm good at catching myself and even laughing at the absurdity that such things were planted in my brain, but still, it bugs me that these things even come up in my head!
@Jean
You know, I think it's almost impossible to avoid stereotyping–at least at first glance–especially because of the reinforcement of society. But you make a great point that can help alleviate some of the detriments of stereotyping, and that's in reminding yourself of an experience you've had with that particular group of people, etc. and contrasting it to the stereotype. I think the issue comes into play when those of us who haven't had any past experiences, solely rely on stereotypes to inform their opinions….and hence we have racism, prejudice, etc. Unbiased hatred.
Hey there–welcome to the site!
Thanks for taking the time to comment–always love interacting with new visitors!
Wonderful post!
As a teenager, I was “fortunate” to be exposed to a rant from an adult in a position of authority about how musicians were bums that lived in poverty and then convinced themselves it was noble to do so. So, of course, I did the responsible thing and went to college to learn how to do a white collar job and get rich.
OOPS.
Stereotypes are pervasive, and people aren't afraid to dump them all over you – especially if you do something, or even speculate about something, outside the norm. And, it seems, especially if it's something that doesn't actually impact the one doing the dumping.
I wonder why so many people's sense of self is so low that they have to make themselves feel better at the expense of others
Brilliant as always
. It's funny because just today I was writing a post about what makes people popular and how it changes as we get older. Unlike you ,I wasn't part of the “cool” crowd. I was an angst-ridden band geek. As far as picking on people, you should do some research on Jeffrey's law. I saw this on a documentary last night and it was a really sad story about a kid who killed himself after kids at school were picking on him. So, his mom fought to actually have a law the required teachers to step in and make sure that it doesn't happen.
On the starving artist stereotype, I can totally relate to that. I was going to be a music major at USC, something my parents quickly talked me out of. Granted, I don't the professional tuba player sounds as a coold as editor of a travel blog
. Loved this post/
Well, to be fair. It can be appropriate to differentiate between artists like myself (who are an impractical breed at best) and a commercial illustrator (that being an artist who knows how to market). I know quite a few of these who make a load more money than I do in my particular niche market.
The dark side of the creative at times can be this. We lose all our inspiration when trying to create something for economic return. Art for arts sake is, and has always been, truly impractical. It doesn't stop us from merrily going down that rabbit hole, but its true all the same. Even the great masters of history tended to find someone who would be willing to fund their self indulgence in return for a few pieces of art.
Peter B. Impractical Artist In Residence.
Well, to be fair. It can be appropriate to differentiate between artists like myself (who are an impractical breed at best) and a commercial illustrator (that being an artist who knows how to market). I know quite a few of these who make a load more money than I do in my particular niche market.
The dark side of the creative at times can be this. We lose all our inspiration when trying to create something for economic return. Art for arts sake is, and has always been, truly impractical. It doesn't stop us from merrily going down that rabbit hole, but its true all the same. Even the great masters of history tended to find someone who would be willing to fund their self indulgence in return for a few pieces of art.
Peter B. Impractical Artist In Residence.
nah not something new. I used to work in a Preschool (Children aged 4-5)
All generalizations are bad.
It scares me today how much programming I am still overcoming of various things. I thought I was open-minded, but there are things I still come to and see in a different light. I like the level of information available nowadays, that we can learn things at a much faster rate, as well as get so many different views on things. Growing up in any one area of the world or family can give people a bias for or towards many things.
Right in the money, as usual.
We all have stereotypes. Some of them are disgusting, some might seem less harmful, but all of them are bad because they just restrain us from seeing reality. Even those we have about hating neckties or the New Kids on the Block.
The problem is that they are very hard to notice when are hidden inside ourselves, and the reason for this is that stereotypes come from our fears.
We can’t bear fear so we built concepts, ideologies and mystic stuff to explain things nicely, so we won’t fear.
Those concepts later built our conception of live, and we see reality through these new lenses. And then, we can’t see reality as it is, again.
We just don’t see. We live our life based in this internal diagram, and we fight to others defending our diagram (generating violence and reinforcing fear), totally unaware of reality. And then one day we stop and see the real thing and…
A lot of the science has to do with the fact that humans are neurologically wired to be pattern recognizers. Spot a saber tooth moving in the Savannah, live another day. Spot a heard of mammoth, eat for a month. We also recognize social patterns at a every young age: submitting to the alpha (until you're strong enough to overthrow her), recognizing allies, etc. is all transmitted merely though social queues. In fact most primates (unsurprisingly) also operate this way. The only way to abolish stereotypes is for those sub conscience social messages to no longer exist. I feel it gets a little better with each generation, and while we may never see complete abolition, exposure to other cultures via our new global network will certainly put a dent in the problem.
I really liked this one. I too was, and still am, a bully bullier if the need arises. Nothing quite like using my powers of evil for good.
I agree with your outlook on stereotypes! They are wrong on so many levels! One of the stereotypes I find myself dealing with now is that of being old. Since I am over the age of forty, I am not much use in some people's eyes. If you aren't twenty and cute, you are washed up. Hell I'm sixty and cute, doesn't that count for something?
My wife and I were just talking last night about how I wanted to be a Doctor when I was young, but “everybody” told me it was too expensive and too long in school, I would never make it. What bullshit! I would have been a great Doctor. Instead, I had to be a bunch of other things that most people told me I couldn't be. Hmmm, maybe I won after all!
Great post Ashley … You continually tell people what's UP, and are completely real about life. I think that our society demands us to “know” what we are talking about so much that sometimes people just follow the stereotype because it's easier than knowing about everything. LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU and this post!
Ash…..a “bleeping” brilliant post.
Stereotypes give us less things to think about. And as we know, thinking is hard work. Stereotypes breed like rabbits in a society that rewards sameness and punishes “thinking outside the box.” At best, stereotypes are a coping mechanism. At worst, stereotypes are a form of mental illness.
Virtually every kid suffers from the sickness of stereotypes that their “village of parents” and the media have imprinted on them. They don't stand a chance, do they? But at their best, kids are also great teachers on how to tear down those barriers and break the rules on what we imagine relationships should be. They have great and uncluttered insight into human nature and the human condition.
BTW, I don't know why your emails arrive with the tag of “Crazy Rants from Ash” when your writing is some of the most sane and insightful thinking I've encountered in a long time.
I hope you never lose your inner voice…
Rock on with the additional explanation, Kyle – you rock.
Isn't that terrible? My mom convinced me not to go into Anthropology because anthropologists would have to be traveling 100% of the time and I'd never be able to settle down. OOPS.
Haha – if I didn't know you personally, I'd wonder if you were a spam bot. :p
Srini I bet you can absolutely relate with this, given your cultural background and a lot of the pressures that you've mentioned were placed on you as a result. Will absolutely check out Jeffrey's Law–I think that's an excellent move, though I wonder how often it's actually carried out on the behalf of the teachers. Interesting.
Let me know when you pub the post on what makes people popular–would be really interested to read.
See you soon in LA!
Peter, this comment is highly valued–thanks so much for taking the time to write it. You're absolutely right–there is a difference between commercial artists and the alternative…though I wonder how many of those artists became commercial artists as a result of the fear of becoming a starving one.
Great point – thankfully, the internet has made knowledge far more accessible, helping to reduce biases organically. It was so great to meet you in Orlando–wish we could have stayed longer!
Awesome, awesome insight. Stereotypes ARE easy. It's far easier for us to believe in a stereotype, than go to the lengths to actually find out the truth. But regardless, as you mentioned, all do limit our reality, because there are certain things we avoid because of a stereotype…and who knows where that might have led us?
Viva la bigger bully!
Wow, wow and wow. I can only imagine what it's like, being treated differently as a function of age. On the flip side, I experienced this all of the time when I first started out in the corporate world. Being young, I was called all sorts of cutsie names like “hun,” which drove me nuts, and had to work especially hard to be taken seriously–even though I knew far more about what I was doing than they did. I can relate.
Why don't you hit up med school now? Why not?
Love love love you and your point about having pressure to know everything…and as such…we just listen to others in order to gain an opinion so we sound like we're intelligent. Unfortunately, sometimes this works in the exact opposite direction. So great seeing you in Ann Arbor, my dear!
Thank you so, so much for the kind words. Maybe it's time I change up that email headline, eh?
You're absolutely right – put a group of children together from different ethnic backgrounds, and at best, it'll be a mere afterthought, if an issue at all. Refreshing, isn't it? Interesting how as adults, we're suppose to be the knowledgeable ones, but so often it turns out that we know far, far less. But it's comfortable that way, right?
I can imagine having the stereotype the other way around, especially being a woman. You aren't supposed to be smart and all that, just cute and sexy. Being young just compounds it. I never was cute and sexy so it was never a problem, even when young.
Naw, med school sounds like too much work now. I'd rather blog and earn my Mercedes that way!
Well, I can't speak for all artists, but the folks I know, and have worked with, who are the more practical sort were able to get past the love of the profession, and make some bucks at it. They ended up with the best of both worlds. Course, they are highly talented.
Although I have met the not so talented, who are just brilliant at marketing. Its quite a mix out there.
Pete
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I found your entry interesting so I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog
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What is the difference between Stereotype and Prejudice? Is there a difference?
Ha! My parents gave me that whole, “If you go to school for music you won't have a stable job right out of school.” Not only did I go to college for opera, I also went to grad school for singing and started working at a hedge fund the week after graduating while being involved in many small opera companies in NYC in the evening. See….I can eat my cake and have the money to pay for it too! lol Now if they would have only warned me about the student loans….I feel like I'm in La Boheme.
Glad to have stumbled upon your blog. It's great!