Category: When You’re Stuck

Nobody gets between me and my business. Nobody. Not even that shit bottle of wine from the night before. It could be Saturday. It could be Easter morning. It could be raining REALLY BIG MUSCLY MEN for all I care, but one thing is certain: I will be the most disciplined person in the room, and I will get it done. I’m like a military sergeant when it comes to execution. (Not that kind of execution.) I don’t tolerate excuses

So I block this girl on Facebook the other day. Actually, it wasn’t so much a block as it was a ban (if only I could do this to people in real life?) because Little Miss Hot Pants thought she would be cute and tell me how much of a shithead I am on the TMF Facebook page. Granted, I am a shithead – especially if there’s no cream for the coffee – but that doesn’t mean I need to

So yesterday I’m all, “MUST START NEW YEAR WITH GOOD HABITS,” which obviously leads to drinking an entire bottle of wine AND taking a jog, in that order, because COMPROMISE. So here’s me all decked out in black spandex, feeling like a bonafide hot chick ninja like you see in movies (except my legs are chafing, I’m sweating like a pregnant wildebeest, and my pony tail makes me look like a wet rat because despite having tried for thirty some

Once upon a time, you were young and inspired, and you knew things about the world. Things like peanut butter tastes better without jelly (fact), the height of a girl’s ponytail likely matches her socio-economic class, and best friends forever means forever, because anything that’s engraved into a half heart necklace is a SERIOUS COMMITMENT. And then? It all hit the fan. You discovered peanut butter isn’t actually sophisticated, no one will take you seriously wearing a ponytail, and stainless

Stress. If handling it well means binge pooping and frantically screaming at the furniture delivery man that he ruined your life by bringing the wrong color chaise lounge chair instead of this gorgeous one THAT I WAS SO EXCITED TO SIT ON, then I get an A+. I don’t like stressy people—they’re a bunch of jockstraps. So the fact that I was turning into one wasn’t exactly my ideal, ahem, position in life. And so last year, I made the

Know what’s a really big mistake? Letting people push you around. Letting people decide how you’ll spend your time. Guilting you into doing things you don’t want to. And generally taking a big fucking twirly straw and sucking up your energy until you’re a California raisin. Look, people are assholes, alright? They don’t mean to be assholes, but everyone’s out to get theirs. Everyone’s got an agenda, and yes, they will email you about it. They will put you on

“People need to understand what the fuck BUSINESS HOURS mean. I’m not 7-eleven, folks. I am not. If I wanted to be, I’d just run a 7-eleven. Big Gulps all the fuck around.”– Got that email from a frustrated business owner yesterday. I laughed so hard I almost spit wine on my bed. (I said almost. You know I wouldn’t be that wasteful. And yes, I DRINK WINE IN BED.)– Raise your hand if…you’re running yourself ragged trying to please

It’s easy to let the little things get the best of you. I know that every time I burn a grilled cheese, a small part of me dies inside. Which is every time, actually. But I don’t really die inside; rather I just learned to love charred bread. Mhmmmm! See how easy that was? Beyond the magical undertaking of perfecting a grilled cheese, we tend to get wrapped up in all of the here-and-now details of daily life. We become