Author, CEO & Founder

Learn More >>

The Real Value of Travel (Come Sneak Away to the Beaches of Costa Rica, If You Dare)

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

A Sexy Story With a Lesson

We sit in near silence, the only interruptions being an occasional mojito-induced outburst of nervous laughter, the sound of my silver chandelier earrings gently clinkering together, and the relentless tropical rains that steadily pelt the top of the canvas roof of the 4×4 automobile we are in.

It's shamelessly cliche, where we are and what we're doing there, parked at the edge of a cliff overlooking the warm Pacific waters at 2 o'clock in the morning, but the way his deep-set, dark brown eyes pierce my own, I suddenly understand women everywhere who have ever dared perpetuate such a cliche; it is these exact moments, right here and right now, that fill us with unexpected fervor, invigorating every hidden fantasy that we've secretly harbored, longing for a moment just like this one. For the first time in a long time, I feel alive. In more respects than one.

He slides his hand over the top of my exposed thigh, delicately running his thumb back and forth over my skin, and with the other reaches over to me, gently cupping my face and pulls me into him. It's one of those moments when you both know the kiss is about to happen, so you frantically try to lick your lips right before it happens without the other person noticing. Fortunately for the sake of my love story, he doesn't notice. As a matter of fact, after that point, I wouldn't say we noticed much of anything.

The way he kissed me that night, with a fiery intensity that would linger on my lips for days years to come, was the beginning of the end. It was in that moment that I first felt a strong connection with another human being that was different from me; it was in that moment that I first discovered the universality of human emotions. People from foreign countries had always seemed, well…foreign, but the opposite, as I was to discover, held more truth. When it comes to things like love, I learned, no one is foreign. As it turns out, everyone is exactly the same.

People Are Travel

Over the following few months that I would live in Costa Rica, I was stunned to have this same lesson sneak up on me time and time again. We weren't just the same when it came to matters of the heart, but with all of the elements that make us human. From our deepest fears, to our desire to fit in; from our need to bond with one another to our need for time alone. In many ways, we were essentially all the same, simply having been molded in sightly different ways by our respective backdrops.

And it's precisely this realization that brings all of the value to travel; without the people, travel would be nothing more than a fruitless change of scenery. A slideshow, if you will, that does nothing to engage you, but is something you simply witness from your corner of the room.

Furthermore, while many people assume that the majority of the benefits of travel lie in experiencing the differences, on the same token, it seems to me that the greatest benefit of travel actually lies–surprisingly so–not in the differences, but in the similarities.

Sure, in many respects, the differences are opportune. It's the differences that allow us to best step out of our own lives and into that of another, enabling us to more objectively reflect on our own realities and, with that reflection, be enabled to better understand ourselves and who we want to be. It's the differences that allow us to either appreciate aspects of our lives we never gave much thought to prior, or on the flip side, reject other aspects that we never much cared for in the first place. It's the differences that give a destination its character, enriching our world and, in the process, enriching us.

But as I've discovered, it's through the examination of the differences that we accidentally unearth the similarities. And it's the similarities that teach us the big lessons, when we're able to witness that quiet interconnectedness and, by extension, witness ourselves in others. Seeing ourselves in others allows us to see the possibilities in our own lives; to see that there are others who are just as content with their lives, if not more so, than we are, yet they're going about it in a whole new way. Seeing ourselves in others opens us up to new opportunities. Seeing ourselves in others expands our method of thought. It shows us that there are other ways of doing things, and that we aren't limited to just one.

Seeing ourselves in others gives us permission to be who we want to be; not merely the person we've been told we should be.

That night out on that cliff, despite the seeming frivolity of the situation, I saw a glimpse of the person I aspired to be. One who acts with intention, and lets passion dictate the course, rather than stifling logic. One who recognizes the importance of feeling alive, instead of just being alive. One who understands that play can be more important than work, and and one acknowledges that people are more important than things. This is who I want to be. This is who I have decided to be. This is who I am. This is what matters.

Wish You, Too, Had a Cliffside Latino(a) Lover & A Whole New Perspective on Life?

I gained immeasurable wisdom from that first trip to Costa Rica, as with every subsequent trip I've taken and time I've lived there. Most notably, I've learned how to be the person I am, in a world that promotes being the person society wants you to be. I've learned to take big leaps, and how to land gracefully no matter where I land. I've learned that risk is never as risky as it seems, and that only good can come from playing with it. I've learned that important careers aren't important unless you're happy doing them, and sometimes, the best career choice is the one we were most afraid of. And I've learned that living is as you define it.

Over the past year, I've seen many readers struggle with the same types of life questions, leading them to wonder “what if?” a whole lot. I've seen many become proactive and take chances, but I've also seen others want to be proactive, but just not know how.

Most of all, I've seen people who want to change, but are still paralyzed by fear.

The real question then becomes: you know you what you want. What are you going to do to go after it?

Jul 20


Stay Foolish. Stay Wise. Have CONFIDENCE.

Jul 20, 2012

Rules–particularly the dogmatic variety–are most useful for those who aren’t confident enough to make their own damn decisions.   For the rest of us, there’s vodka–so we can cope with the decisions we were foolishly wise enough to make.   So help us, Grey Goose.   Amen. -Excerpt from my forthcoming book, The Middle Finger […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


Jun 8


How to Start a Revolution (Or 3 Ways to Change the World)

Jun 8, 2010

See that baby face up there?  That’s my friend Karol–pronounced like Carl–who is a writer, traveler, & all around adventure-seeking bad ass over at Ridiculously Extraordinary.  Right now he’s living in Poland, but before that he was downing noodles in Thailand, dodging kangaroos in Australia, and doing the zen thing in India, to name a […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


Mar 9


Blow Off Work Today. That’s An Order.

Mar 9, 2012

I’ve been thinking about joy lately. I don’t particularly care for the word; every word has its own personality, and the word joy seems to conjure up an image of an old lady with dentures and pearls. The word just feels outdated. Mothballesque, if you will. Nevertheless, the concept remains. It’s stuck in my mind ever […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


Oct 26


I Need Help. (Not That Kind of Help, Jerk.)

Oct 26, 2012

In preparation for my upcoming trip to Costa Rica, Panama & Colombia, I spent $258.92 at Zara Chile yesterday. I walked out with three new pairs of daisy dukes that I will inevitably think look better on me than they actually do, as well as a ripped up white-washed jean skirt, and a top or […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


May 21


Fuck Shit Balls I Didn’t Finish Those Edits, Yet. And Other Stuff That Doesn’t Matter. (In Memory of Enrique.)

May 21, 2012

So I’m not sure what you did yesterday, but I, for one, witnessed somebody drown. You’re probably thinking I’m joking, because who mentions something like drowning so nonchalantly? But I am not, unfortunately, joking. And while I’m calm now, yesterday I was anything but. It was sunset, and I was with my Costa Rican girlfriends […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


Oct 22


You Think The Stakes Are High Now? Please.

Oct 22, 2013

I wonder about people. Specifically about the 50-something woman speaking softly at the table next to me, telling another woman how she desperately wants to go abroad—because, verbatim, it would be the opportunity of a lifetime—but… And her words trail off. JUST LIKE HER DREAMS. Kidding. Dramatic doesn’t look good on me. But, really. What […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


Nov 18


The Woman Whose Ass We All Should Be Kissing

Nov 18, 2010

If I had a foghorn, do you know what I’d shout? (Besides how I’ll never understand why so many people think that God is actually a compelling justification for their particular policy preferences. /rant) What I’d really shout—what I truly believe our people desperately need to hear—is this and this alone: The well-being of our […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


Aug 30


Big Things Don’t Happen in Big Ways

Aug 30, 2015

. That dot is where you are. ——–>           . This dot is where you want to be. (Which makes me sound like a woman named Bonnie with big hair in a cheesy 1985 Visa commercial, but alas, I’m just a woman named Ash with big hair in 2015.) People have […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

Enter your email address and I’ll send you my advice column every week sharing everything I’ve learned—and so much more.

But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

Privacy Policy Info Here