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Gossip About Me

The F*cking Middle Finger Project? Is This Girl for Real?

I know! It's entirely outlandish that I am, in fact, a very real person. Equally outlandish are the squishy little armpit rolls that stick out from my tank top—feel free to marvel at those, too. (Why couldn't I just get bunions? At least those don't make you pretend to *really* love cap sleeves.)

Then again, all of this is probably the reason why, ten years ago, a girl like me would start an edgy, foul-mouthed lifestyle blog called The Middle Finger Project® in the first place: because, for the love of vodka, life is HARD. It's hard and overwhelming and confusing and absolutely BRIMMING with a-holes trying to sell you boogers from the Dead Sea. But that doesn't mean you have to turn into someone who feels exactly like a mediocre midwestern white man who peaked during high school football.

You can (still) become whoever you want to. You can reinvent yourself entirely. You can become a woman who disobeys. And you can become 100% happier for all of it. #VIVALARESISTANCE)

I should know: I grew up crawling underneath our trailer, heating the pipes with a blow dryer and trying not to get my 1994 Spray Net bangs ruined. This was supposed to be my destiny: the daughter of a single mother with a clinically debilitating anxiety disorder.

I wasn't suppose to: (a) Go to college; (b) Get a master's degree; (c) Land a good-paying job in magazine advertising in the city; (d) Leave it all to go become a freelance writer; (e) Have my first $100K year; (f) Move to Santiago, Chile; (g) Make my first million UNITED STATES FRIGGIN' DOLLARS *faint*; (h) Get a book deal from the Leonardo DiCaprio of publishers, Penguin Random House—both in the U.S. and the U.K; (i) Design a dream home in Costa Rica; (j) Buy a brownstone in Philadelphia (in progress!); (k) Run confidence retreats for women in London; (l) Become a creative writing teacher; (m) Spend summers in Europe; (n) Take silversmithing classes in Scotland; (o) Support hundreds of thousands of women around the world in their creative journeys; (p) Write so many goddamn bullet points.

But I did. And I also started my own online column (hi!) and started writing about how the hell I did it—and how you can, too. Because straight up: we need more creatives to *create*. We need you to show up with your ideas. We need you to become a person you actually LIKE BEING.

The Middle Finger Project is about radical reinvention.

The Middle Finger Project is about choosing *you*.

An Inappropriate List of Mildly Relevant Facts About Me That May Or May Not Make You Wish You Had a Beer

  1. My biggest fear in life is a greasy keyboard. Ergo, I wash my hands like I’m strung-out on Dial, and if you shook my hand, you’d think I were AN ACTUAL LUMBERJACK. 
  2. I firmly believe that Frank’s Hot Sauce is a vitamin. I take it daily. 
  3. Favorite smell? Tomato plant. 
  4. Writing takes me forever, but apparently, some people like it. This is nice. 
  5. Fish can go to hell. 
  6. The very first time I ever met with my literary agency in NYC? I thought the Flat Iron Building was a steakhouse. (I really regaled them with my intellectual prowess.) 
  7. This is what happens when you grow up in a rural Pennsylvania trailer park. Got me there! 
  8. But you also get really, really good at being scrappy. I once went faced off in federal court on a matter of principle—despite one million dollars in lawyer fees. (Fortunately I knew what The Flat Iron Building was, then.) 
  9. I’m not married.
  10. I don’t want kids. 
  11. I LOVE both of these things about myself. 
  12. I live part-time in Costa Rica with my darling hunk, C. It is hot as balls. 
  13. I believe that everyone should live abroad at least twice—the first time, you’ll be too drunk to remember. 
  14. Some favorite obsessions? Georgian architecture, interior design, real estate, macro photography, style + fashion, silversmithing, the color turquoise, and having the most interesting conversations with locals in cozy little pubs around the world.
  15. I also really like Outlander. THAT SHOW, THO! 
  16. What I meant to say was, “Jamie Fraser.” 
  17. I can’t go to bed without washing my feet. 
  18. I have secret fantasies of learning special effects makeup. Mostly just so I can pretend to be a monster and then walk straight over to the neighbors when they are being too loud and FREAK THEM THE FUCK OUT. 
  19. I was born in Philly and it is the only city in the United States that really feels like me. 
  20. Must be the pretzels. 
  21. The Internet is my superpower. 
  22. Teaching creative writing is my lover. 
  23. I also really like teaching about the modern art of making really great f*cking money
  24. Earplugs. That is all. 
  25. If you’re talking to me, I am undoubtedly wondering, “does the face that I’m making look weird?” 
  26. My best friends in the whole wide world live in Chile. 
  27. I used to live there, too. 
  28. I instantly fall in love with people who have big, loud, happy laughs. 
  29. Having hair and makeup come in and make me glam before a photoshoot is probably my favorite guilty pleasure in the world. 
  30. CONFIDENCE IS EVERYTHING—and it helps when your eyelids are on fire. 
  31. I hope to meet you!
  32. I hope you subscribe to my weekly letter! 
  33. I hope you are gifted an amazing tee-shirt this week! 
  34. I hope you know that you are fucking fantastic—and can’t nobody hold you down, oh no, you’ve got to keep on MOOOVIN’.