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Imposter Syndrome is Robbing the F*ck Out of Us All
Are you charging less than you should like a chump???
This Couple Needed to Turn Their Blog Into a Business: Here’s How I’d Turn Their Hot Topic Into Top Dollar
HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there smokin' it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right—as well as one or two things they can do even better to make that money. 💵 Today, we’re hollering at a a REALLY fun pair of bloggers who call themself, delightfully, “The Senior Nomads”—but (!) how would they turn their catchy blog into a real revenue-generating business? The name of this
The New Salary is Here: Soon, Digital Nomads Will Out-Earn the Average Professional—And Be a Lot Happier, Too
Summer meadows.Queen Anne’s lace. Picnic blankets made of blue and white gingham. A laughing four-year-old boy (so long as the fucker is laughing). A skinny footpath leading down to the ocean. Cherry cordial. Flirty jokes. Tattooed forearms. Fresh, crisp corn on the cob.Thick farm-churned butter.And time. So much time. Life moves so much slower here, like it’s actually yours to spend. Doesn’t that sound fantastic? I think that sounds fantastic—even though I don’t have a kid nor tattooed forearms, and I’ve somehow made it to thirty-seven without
This Etiquette Consultant Needed a New About Page: Here's How I'd Make People Scream to Work With Her
HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there SMOKIN’ it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right—as well as one or two things they can do even better to make that money. 💵 Today, we’re hollering at an accomplished etiquette consultant in London who who is the QUEEN of media and PR—but (!) what happens when they get to your website and feel zero connection? The name of
This Irish Tour Company Needed to Differentiate Themselves: Here's How I'd Go From Invisible to Un-F*cking-Forgettable
HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there SMOKIN’ it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right—as well as one or two things they can do even better to make that money. 💵 Today, we’re hollering at a walking, hiking, and biking tour company in Ireland who's been around since 1994—but (!) how do you stand out from the crowd when there's gaggles of other tour companies doing
The Real Key to Earning $250,000/Year as a Creator (And Why More People Aren’t)
I’m convinced of two things in this life: I will someday be a sheep farmer in Scotland. Just because something is popular, doesn’t mean it’s good: it just means it’s popular. ✨ What am I referring to, cryptic little minx that I am? Oh, MOSTLY EVERYTHING, since marketing is the real force behind anything that’s popular. (It’s rarely a democratic consensus gone wild.) But, in particular, I think of social media this way: one of the most popular ways to
This Tattoo Artist Needed Less Overwhelm, More Money: Here's How I'd Grow the Biz Without the Burn Out
HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there SMOKIN’ it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right—as well as one or two things they can do even better to make that money. 💵 Today, we’re hollering at a fine line tattoo artist whose work makes me drool on the daily—but (!) how do you grow if you're already fully booked and overwhelmed? (It's almost like: go away, clients!
Client Weird About Your Contract? Say This and They’ll Happily Sign (While Probably Hugging You)
So you know how you get that client and literally feels like you’re prancing through a field of daffodils that have been sprayed with CK One from the year 1998? (This might sound horrifying unless you wore CK One in 1998 like every other millennial who was alive in 1998, in which case you will immediately be transported back to the time in your life when YOU STILL HAD ABS AND DREAMS.) The client is in . to . you.
This London Tour Guide Needed to Scale Her Biz: Here's How I'd Add $250K to Her Bottom Line
HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there SMOKIN’ it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right—as well as one or two things they can do even better to make that money. 💵 Today, we’re hollering at a tour guide in London who gives the cooooolest walking tours—but (!) how do you scale your business if your clients need to be in person to see you? The name
“F*ck Doing It All”: How Sharp-Toothed Maverick Grit Can Sell Your Products to Complete Strangers
When the lottery wants to boost ticket sales, they don’t raise the odds. They raise the jackpot. Why? Because people don’t buy odds, they buy dreams. HERE’S A LIST OF THINGS THAT PEOPLE DON’T WANT: Eight modules Sixty minutes of your time A course A video series A PDF Unlimited access An elephant (just kidding, I definitely want an elephant) HERE'S WHAT PEOPLE DO WANT: Excitement Elation Power Prestige Belonging Belief Hope Confidence Conviction Faith Comfort Relief Euphoria In other
This Coach Needed a Fresh New Message That Stood Out: Here’s How I Took Her from “Same” to “Fame” in 15 Minutes
HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there SMOKIN’ it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right—as well as one or two things they can do even better to make that money. 💵 Today, we’re hollering at a coach for creatives who is a delicious red-hot smoke show on Instagram—but (!) I know we can do even more to help her convert clients. The name of this game?
This Cake Designer Could Be Making Millions: Here’s How She Can 10X Her Income (And Make Us All Hungry)
HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there smokin' it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right. (You know, so you can replicate that magic without banging your head against the wall.) And also what I'd love to see them do in the future. Today, we’re hollering at someone who’s got the potential to be making millions of dollar bills because of her INCREDIBLE flower bloom cakes—but who,
How to Stop Writing With a Stick Up Your Rump: A Foolproof Way to Add More Personality Without Being Unprofessional
One of the things I get asked about forty hundred times a day (besides whether or not I know there's a hair sprouting from my chin) is this: “I'm not as boring as I seem on paper, but from all those years in corporate America / Catholic school / working as a mad scientist, my writing is feeling a little…constipated.” You might even commit the crime of talking in the third person (“Jane Doe has extensive experience in creating high-level
Does Your Writing Suffer from Overthinking? 3 Signs You Need to Trust Your Voice More—And Outside Opinions Less
You know when you sit down to write and your brain sort of feels kind of…constipated? (I’m all about that classy imagery.) You finally manage to put a sentence on the screen, but then you backspace over the word “fucking”—because if you say “fucking,” no one will take you seriously—but then you retype the same word, wondering if you were to use such a word, whether it would come across as self-assured and bold, or lowball and crass? You decide to leave
This Bitch Got 600K Instagram Followers in a Year: Here’s How She's Making That Magic! 👀
HEY, KITTY CAT—welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there SMOKIN’ it—and I'm highlighting one thing I think they’re doing really, really right. (You know, so you can replicate that magic. 🫰🏻) To kick things off, I’m starting with someone who’s slaughtering on both IG and TikTok—so much so, she recently quit her job as a nurse to pursue the creator life full-time. 🔥 Meet: @biabeible What She Does Gig: Content creator &
I Made $5M Self-Publishing Books Online—Here Are 7 Things I’d Do Differently if I Were Starting From Scratch in 2022
Here’s a cliché pile of vomit to start your day 😉: “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” Despite the fact that my eyeballs just got whiplash, I gotta tell you: I used to think this was why most people had a hard time with FoLLoWinG ThEir DrEaMs (you know that’s the sarcastic way to write it, right?). I used to think most people were afraid of failure, but you know what I’ve learned in 13
Digital Creators Shouldn't Build a Team Unless They Like Babysitting……A Lot.
Got my 2021 financial package back from Bench*! (Okay, fine—they sent it to me a while ago but I’m really just reviewing in depth now.) I LOVE when they send me my end-of-year reports—balance sheet, income statement, general ledger, monthly balance sheets—which I then literally turn over to my accountant at tax time and it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done. No scrambling, no trying to figure out what I can write off, no entire weekends spent trying to categorize
Want to Earn a Damn Good Living as a Creator? Keep. It. Simple.
So, I woke up this morning and started working on…………two new books. WHO AM I?!?! The first is a non-fiction book that examines how different people around the world find joy—and how we can all get a little bit more of it in our daily lives. Which is to say: move the f**k over, Bill Bryson! I’m coming for you! (But, no, really. Wouldn’t it be great if Bill Bryson and Caitlin Moran had a literary baby? That’s what I’m
Burned Out? Doing This Daily Changed My Life
You know what the biggest cause of burn out is? BEING SMART. There, I said it! If you are smart, and you are driven, and you have actual ambitions beyond “beat Princess Beefcurtains in the next level of Fortnite” then you are likely going to suffer from a whole RAGING RIVER of problems that normal people do not have. One of those problems is overthinking something you said to the neighbor three years ago. 🤷♀️ And another is feeling like
3 Mistakes EVERYONE Makes With Their Homepage Headline (That Can Seriously Flatline Your Messaging)
Things that are hard: opening literally any package of scissors, planks, death, restraining yourself around a person who’s sniffling (my biggest pet peeve), realizing you are too fat to go indoor skydiving (legit just happened to me), and scrubbing the water rings off of your glass cooktop stove. Things that are harder: Writing your homepage headline when you have zero clarity about your brand promise, your brand positioning, and your value proposition. 😬 Ugh, did you just groan?? Was that
How to Nail Your Friggin’ Message, Once and For All, Using This Trick
If there were a richter scale of “OH F**K,” you know which two questions top the charts for creators? So, what do you do? Can you send over your professional bio? kisssssesssss LAWDY, LAWD. The two worst questions in the history of working for yourself. (That and “how much money did you make last year?” which, for the record, only entitled d-bags ask.) These are the kinds of questions that can make a person do terrible, horrible things—like give up
How to Market Yourself in 2022—And Make ALL The Clients Come to Your Yard
The biggest question I get asked about starting a business: How the hell do I market myself? Usually this is accompanied by a downtrodden face of doom, and sometimes a teeny, tiny fart. For this, my friend, is the question of the times: the creator economy has made normal people who would normally only be worried about hiding from the neighbors, NEED TO WORRY ABOUT OTHER WEIRD THINGS, TOO. (As if we all needed something else to concern ourselves with
On Being DONE With Your Work: A Guilt-Free Approach to To-Do Lists
There's something to be said about being DONE. I mean, do you ever feel like anything is done? Probably not! We're living in a world where nothing is ever done. How could it be, when everything is an ongoing conversation? This is why I find it nearly impossible to text people back. Because once I do, I think I've gotten it off my to-do list, but then balls on a stick! THEN THEY TEXT BACK! And then I've got yet
16 Words That'll Help You Defeat Refund Bullies Over the Phone 💪 📞
I hate phone calls. In fact, there are fewer things I hate than when my phone rings. The first thought: WHO DARES…HAVE THE NERVE…TO CALL…UNINVITED?!? It's basically the modern equivalent of dropping in on someone unannounced—especially if it's a video call. Quick, hide the mannequin! Hide the hamburgers! Hide MY ENTIRE FACE! (Oh, you don't have mannequins and hamburgers lying around? I'M SORRY.) I know I'm not alone—at least with the phone call bit. 😉 This is hilariously one of
On Giving Refunds with Kindness (But Taking No Shit)
“Btw, I need your advice on something!” I knew instantly what she was going to ask me. It's the same thing that all my friends come to me for advice for. Not talking shit to boys, which was obviously my favorite past-time in college 🤷♀️, but rather, a different kind of talk: How to word hard emails. So we ordered a round of mango mimosas—as one does on the beach of Costa Rica at Sunday brunch—and my wedding planner friend
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Imposter Syndrome is Robbing the F*ck Out of Us All
Are you charging less than you should like a chump???
The Whole Wide World Isn’t Big Enough for You, Darling
Have you ever felt like the whole wide world would never be big enough for you? You’re so hungry for it, you eat up every square inch you can find: streets, monuments, wine bars, neighborhoods. The way the dandelion grows differently, over here. The way the people take just a little bit longer to greet you when you walk into a restaurant. You feel like you’re staring at an alternate version of yourself, had you been born French, as you
Searching for Meaning & Purpose in Your Life? The Answer Might Be Hiding in Plain Sight
We hear it all the time: FIND MEANING IN YOUR LIFE, SHITHEAD. (I'm a huge fan of elegance.) It's become the advice du jour. The magical solution to our woes. The on-call prescription for disappointment with life. In a sense, the search for meaning has become a religion of its own. We worship its ideals and bow at its implications. We're kept awake at night, hoping to form a relationship with meaning. We want to feel its presence so deeply in
How to Prove Yourself to Non-Believers (& Other Dollar Store Peanut Trolls)
Can we talk about friends for a minute? <Cue group groan.> Why is that? When did friendship become A VERY HARD THING? I’m not talking about your ride-or-dies—you know who they are—I’m talking about the very real problem of: (a) Being an adult;(b) And making friends;(c) Who kind of suck;(d) And aren’t supportive. How did we get stuck with these hambonis? Case in point: a woman emailed me the other day about “proving yourself to non-believers.” And I thought: who
Your Happiness 401(k): Are You Budgeting Enough Joy in Your Life?
In my twenties I hated routine—but that’s because I confused it for stagnancy. Anything that whiffed of repetition was automatically on my shit list: schedules, affirmations, habits, recurring obligations, things that put a vise on my freedom. I never wanted to live feeling beholden to a calendar, letting it rule my days more than I did. To me, routines were for the weak: people who weren’t disciplined enough to get it done without force. When I’d get on interviews and
Burned Out? Doing This Daily Changed My Life
You know what the biggest cause of burn out is? BEING SMART. There, I said it! If you are smart, and you are driven, and you have actual ambitions beyond “beat Princess Beefcurtains in the next level of Fortnite” then you are likely going to suffer from a whole RAGING RIVER of problems that normal people do not have. One of those problems is overthinking something you said to the neighbor three years ago. 🤷♀️ And another is feeling like
“I Want More Adventure & Whimsy In My Life”—And the Worst Advice I Ever Read On Getting It
There’s terrible advice, and then there’s the type of advice that makes you want to fake your death and ride bareback on a donkey through Cleveland. Until today, I thought that the Cosmo advice to “apply a little Ben Gay to his privates for an unexpected treat” was that kind of advice. (Do not try that at home, or in any grocery store parking lots, ever.) Turns out, though, there is at least ONE ARTICLE doling out even more questionable
It’s Okay to Be Done With Good Things
Well, that’s certainly a crowbar to the face, isn’t it? It’s okay to be done with good things. I’ve been obsessed with this idea lately: that maybe good situations can keep you just as trapped as bad situations, sometimes. (If you’ve ever had an entire plate of cheese fries in front of you, you get where I’m going.) How many things are you holding onto just because it would be a shame to give them up? Because you invested the
The Courage to Ask: “What Do I Really Want?”
Oh, look! I made it to 2022 without committing suicide. That is a pretty terrible thing to say, but if you know me, then you also know I am a pretty terrible person—at least, when it comes to: (a) Dealing with most people; (b) Pot roasts; and (c) Matching my underwear to my bra. (Though bonus points for really wanting to be that person. Do you know how many times I’ve bought matching sets, only to completely and totally rebel
Listen: Do What You Crave Without the Guilt. Travel to Italy. Enroll in That Workshop. Make Your Art Every Afternoon. And Hurl Yourself Into the Unknown—For This Is The Best ROI That Money Can Buy.
My almost-mother-in-law gets really fucking nervous when I travel—especially when I bomb off to South America for a month by myself to drink ALL THE WINE and celebrate ALL THE BOOK DEALS. But she doesn't get worried in the typical way a mother might; not the way my own mother would have been worried, which would have sounded something like: “Oh Jesus Mary and Joseph, Ashley, you think they won't kidnap you and rape you and leave you for dead?
Bake a Cake and Shut Your Mouth: Or, How to Be Unhappy, Unfulfilled, and a Martyr to Your Own Life
I am a fickle bitch, and it's one of my greatest qualities. In fact, I wish the word “fickle” were more attractive—it sounds too much like “pickle,” and one time in college I read a book called “Tickle His Pickle,” so I think it's clear that (a) I am a true academic, and (b) Using the word “fickle” makes my mind wander. But if the word weren't so ugly, I'd use it to describe myself all the time. Fickle (adj):
Writing, Houses & Hot Dogs: A Love Story
There were greasy hot dogs on the counter. Four of them. Naked and un-bunned, flopping around inside a glass Tupperware dish for all the world to see. I had many questions, including “are these for sale” and also “where are the onions,” but perhaps the biggest question I had was: WHO PUTS HOT DOGS IN THE FRAME WHEN TAKING A PHOTO FOR ZILLOW? Zillow, as in, the real estate website where other people look at photos and decide if they
On Not Thinking With Your Cultural Crotch
I fantasize about pugs. Not the way other people fantasize about pugs, mind you—nuzzling them and squeezing them and squealing “oooohhhhhhh!!!!” before scooping them up in their arms for a welcoming, wet kiss (what is wrong with people). Rather, I want to put their tiny little gargoyle heads straight into a vise. (I thought about writing “meat grinder,” but that seems a bit much.) So far in life, I have had not one, but two pug sworn enemies, and I
You Can't Be One Thing Forever, My Darling
Things I've learned to be wary of in life: Oklahoma. Normal people. People who say, “you like fish, you just haven't tried it cooked THIS WAY!” (Oh yeah, Satan? Did you want to cut up my chicken for me, too?) Self-important narcissists who just like to hear themselves talk, and talk, and talk. (One time, in Dublin, I literally got up and took my drink into the bathroom—FOR AN HOUR.) People you can't get off the phone (see number 4).
Welp, Finland's #1 AGAIN for World Happiness, Those Clever Bastards—Here's Why
Happiness is an elusive little shit. This is why, when the annual United Nations World Happiness Report comes out each year, I rip that thing open with my fangs. (Note to self: say”fangs” more often.) The report lists, in perfect sequential order, the happiest countries in the world down to the least happy countries in the world—in other words, the most miserable victims on the planet—and then tells you a whole bunch of sciencey-stuff about how they came to that
“Fuck It, Not Voting, Doesn't Matter”—And the Surprising Reason Why It Actually Does
It’s fahking freezing here in Philly today—forty-five degrees, which we all know is basically thirty-two degrees, because there’s no rounding up when it comes to the weather. You ever notice that? NO ROUNDING UP IN THE WEATHER. Forty-five is not close to sixty, it’s close to death. But I’m not here to talk about the weather. That would be the cheapest thing one could write about before Election Day…ever. But I was thinking about the weather, because I was thinking
Right Now, Someone Out There is Admiring You, Greatly.
They might not have said it. In fact, they probably kept it to themselves—“don’t want to seem like a creepy ass stalker.” But no matter who you are, you have changed things for someone. You have made them rethink their career. Rethink their stance. Rethink their makeup. (Because, hey, Urban Decay is a religion.) You have made them bolder. Brighter. Less afraid to use their voice. You have made them hopeful. Hungry. Reinvigorated. You have shown them what's possible, simply
You Don't Exist to Please Dipshits
You know how when you meet someone, and they give you this snotty little look like, “you’re a fucking freak,” and then you start wondering, “AM I A FUCKING FREAK?! IS THAT WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?” And you’re so quick to second guess yourself instead of second guessing the constipated stuck up instead? I hate moments like those. When I was young, I thought that any person who looked at me sideways was looking at me sideways because something about
[New Podcast 🎤] Abortion, Guns, God & Pussies—And Is Civil War Inevitable?
Okay, so I have SO MUCH TO TELL YOU. So, so much. (Besides the fact that “Abortion, Gods, Gun & Pussies” is definitely going to be my new personal tagline.) Right now I’m on the ground in the Appalachian mountains, driving (with extremely careful COVID precautions) through a series of rural southern towns in an effort to investigate small-town America and the narratives driving conservative voters and how it all fits into the greater…fabric of things. (See the gram for
Decide What Really Fucking Matters to You
Good ideas require a courageous host. Oh god, did I just introduce a virus analogy? Please forgive me, but it’s true. There are so many ideas floating around out there, half of which are definitely in your shower at 7 o’clock in the morning (they’re always in the fucking shower, aren’t they?), and the other half happen just as you’re falling asleep at night—but you don’t want to wake yourself up, because you know if you grab your phone you’re
Can You Be Educated and Ignorant?
“What is education?” Sounds like a simple question. You think of education and you automatically think of a four-year college degree from someplace with a statue of a man on top of a 200-year-old building, shielding his eyes from the sun as if we are on the horizon of something really remarkable, here. (Namely a contentious game of flip cup, where anyone can go home a wiinnnneeeer!) When we think of education, we think of school—because that’s where education is
Talking Trash: How It Helped Elect the World's Most Dangerous President
“There’s your dad.” It was ~the line~ growing up. We’d race to see who could whisper it first: an elderly man jogging by with a wedgie; a New Yorker passing through with a gold medallion necklace; a guy down at the gas station missing too many front teeth; the bank teller who was just a little too stern. My go-to response was always: “Probably—want me to ask him out for ya?” This kind of banter was par for the course;
Why Donald Trump’s Crude Messaging Lands With Rural Voters—Despite Notorious Christian Values
Alright, well: prepare your stomach for this one. Several friends from my hometown in Northeast Pennsylvania have forwarded me these images from the ground, and I’m forwarding them to you here in an effort to showcase what’s really happening in some places in rural America. This particular gem hails from Scranton, PA—ironically the hometown of Joe Biden—and it’s moving around the neighboring counties. This photo was taken in Hallstead, PA. I will say: this is just one guy
Can Americans Ever Like Each Other Again?
72.14% That's a good chunk, right? Say, if I were to eat 72.14% of a Domino's pizza, we'd all be like, “WHOA, ASH IS MURDERING THAT THING.” Similarly, if you were to drink 72.14% of the wine, I might murder you. This is an equal opportunity kitchen, thank you very much. Because 72.14% is pretty basically three-fourths of a whole, which is otherwise known as “most of it!” And in the year 2016, most of the people! in the rural
A Note on Writing, Politics & What the Hell We're Doing Now
Hey. I really wanted to send you a personal note (wait, who am I kidding, they’re all my personal notes) to say thank you. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being here. Thanks for sticking with me through a launch like we just completed. (I know sometimes my emails are…a lot. You should see how excitable I am in person.) I’m going to work even harder moving forward to get you what you need—whether it’s finding your voice, inspiration & ideas
Read
this book
if you're reinventing yourself…
Enter your email to download the first chapter—free!—and laugh along with Ash on a journey that teaches you how to reinvent yourself + your career, one middle finger at a time.
Or, buy from any retailer below
Listen to a
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search the blog archives
Unpopular Ideas for Living a Happier Life