ASH AMBIRGE

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This is What I Pray for, More Than Anything: The Courage to Decline

In: Finding Your Voice

Today’s my birthday!

And on my birthday, I pray. (Which is hilarious to imagine, if you know me.)

I pray for my well-being, and I pray for bliss; I pray for fulfillment, and I pray for rapture.

I pray for meaning and I pray for pleasure; I pray for substance and I pray for intellect.

I pray that every day I’ll yearn for the world more, not less, and that every choice I make will make me cutthroat ravenous. How do I decide on a project? A path? A direction?

Savage ambition.

Do you smell it? Crave it? Need it, like a bloodthirsty wolf? And, more importantly: if you don’t, do you have the courage to let it go?

This is what I pray for, more than anything: the courage to decline. It is never easy to murder your comforts, but it is necessary. A comfortable life is an irrelevant goal; only a fool would want to live life as she pleases.

I want the fight.

It is an insult, to any human alive, to have life turn you away as if you're not worth the effort. Why bother getting in the ring if you know it’s going to be an automatic knockout?

I pray that life will keep on respecting me enough to give me the situations I need to grow—as a fighter, as a creator, as a writer, as a woman. I pray that I will not live a comfortable life, but a full one. I want a permanent license on audacity—and I don’t want there to be any take backs.

I want to take no mercy when it comes to my own fulfillment, my own satisfaction, my own legacy.

Which means that after I’m done praying?

I get to work.

Life is but one ruthless murder after another, if you’re doing it right.

Sep 30

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Sometimes, the shit hits the fan. Sometimes, you find yourself living out of your car, storing all of your toiletries in an oversize red purse, lodging sweatshirts in between head rests and sunroof panels to block the windows so you can sleep, explaining to unsympathetic credit card companies that you can’t pay your $41 minimum […]

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2016

When You Feel Worthy of Being Seen…It Shows

  Let me tell you what: American women may have Victoria’s Secret, but Italian women have another secret altogether. You know it by the way she holds her head a little higher than yours, eyes on fire, gliding down the god damn sidewalk as if her and Mother Nature were tag teaming. It is not just […]

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Oct 8

2015

Look, We’ve All Got Our Faults. *Stomps Cigar*

Look, we’ve all got our faults. I, for one, have a wrinkly ass neck. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know when it happened. But all the sudden there are lines as deep as the Panama Canal cutting across my trachea. Fortunately, all the resveratrol I’ve consumed over the years seems to have […]

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May 27

2014

Do You Have Chickenshititis?

I have a friend named Melissa. (Yes, I have friends.) Melissa doesn’t have a job. She spent her twenties and thirties working for other people as a professional headhunter–(am I obligated to make a Headless Horseman joke here?)–before finally going back to school to pursue an advanced certification in Human Resources. And then she waited. And she […]

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Aug 25

2017

The Competition Doesn’t Have Sh*t On You

There’s never been a person who went to school for accounting and said: BUT WAIT, I CAN’T BECOME AN ACCOUNTANT BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE ARE ALREADY DOINGGGGG THATTTTTTTTTTT. There are plenty of people out there doing exactly what you want to do—times eleventy thousand. “But there are already so many writers / designers / candlestick makers” […]

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Nov 22

2017

There’s No Such Thing As An Idea That *Isn’t* Offensive

You know what I’m grateful for? Fucking. NOT LIKE THAT, SICKO. Although, I mean, I guess…wait. Let me start again. I like the word fucking because it’s representative of something so much bigger than that, which is the real thing I’m grateful for: freedom of expression. Remember that cute little First Amendment? It says that the […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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