Fantastic Shit Archives » The Middle Finger Project

I Googled “How to Pit an Olive” and IT BLEW MY MIND. (You Need to Know This.)

So yesterday I’m making this pathetic puddle of a salad, right? My salads are the worst. We keep TRYING to make good salads, but the salads always turn out tasting like a Greek man’s back sweat. Never tastes like a restaurant salad, which I figure should at least taste like a Greek man’s mistress. But that’s okay because I’m really here to talk about the very important matter of Kalamata olives. Man do I love me some Kalamata olives. (Even

5 Apps Every Creative Business Needs to Get Their Shit in Order (With Extra Love for Non-Planney Types)

Planning is not my strong suit, by which I mean if you come anywhere near me with a “party planning checklist,” I will immediately grab a knife. It’s instinct—you know, like the repulsion you feel when other species eat their young?—which probably also explains why, when I go to the grocery store, I end up leaving with forty-nine boxes of cherry-flavored condoms. Not on the list, but how can you not? It’s also why I’m persistently late at present-giving. I

10 Things That’ll Make You Go “Ooh, Oooh, Oooohh!” (Especially if You’re in Online Business)

SIX-HUNDRED DADDIES. That’s my shorthand for “dollars.” I don’t know why or when it started. Actually, just kidding, it just started right now. Not because I have daddy issues or anything (though clearly I do). SIX HUNDRED DADDIES was what I paid. Six-hundred! And you know why? Because I just had to import a slab of wood the weight of a small ocean liner. I just had to to send a ninety-million-hundred pound box all the way to the jungles

Category: Fantastic Shit

I Googled “How to Pit an Olive” and IT BLEW MY MIND. (You Need to Know This.)

5 Apps Every Creative Business Needs to Get Their Shit in Order (With Extra Love for Non-Planney Types)

10 Things That’ll Make You Go “Ooh, Oooh, Oooohh!” (Especially if You’re in Online Business)