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So yesterday I’m making this pathetic puddle of a salad, right? My salads are the worst. We keep TRYING to make good salads, but the salads always turn out tasting like a Greek man’s back sweat. Never tastes like a restaurant salad, which I figure should at least taste like a Greek man’s mistress. But […]
Planning is not my strong suit, by which I mean if you come anywhere near me with a “party planning checklist,” I will immediately grab a knife. It’s instinct—you know, like the repulsion you feel when other species eat their young?—which probably also explains why, when I go to the grocery store, I end up […]
SIX-HUNDRED DADDIES. That’s my shorthand for “dollars.” I don’t know why or when it started. Actually, just kidding, it just started right now. Not because I have daddy issues or anything (though clearly I do). SIX HUNDRED DADDIES was what I paid. Six-hundred! And you know why? Because I just had to import a slab […]
