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Evidence I Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Have a Blog (Also: Calling All Aspiring Copywriters + Wordsmith Sexpots)

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

I like lists.

Don't you like lists? I mean, who doesn't need a good list in their lives? That said, in the name of honoring their holier-than-thou nature, today is officially list day on TMFproject.

Dun dun dun DUN! Sound the alarm! Cue the horns! Signal the ponies!

There's really just one problem with list day, however, which I quickly discovered when I sat down, coffee in hand, to write aforementioned (and highly academic) list:

What to list?

A troublesome pickle to find oneself in, if you ask me, particularly on LIST DAY, when there's overwhelming pressure to have GOOD LISTS. (Don't you like how I'm just going with list day as if it were actually official? Or important? Or relevant? Or REAL?)

So I sat down to do some brainstorming, as any slightly disturbed, vodka slugging, list-making maven would do.

Oh, the lists we shall create!  *curls fake and non-existent handlebar mustache around pinky finger*

  1. Men I've recently slept with. No, no. Too slutty. And list would be frighteningly short.
  2. Embarrassing things I've done when martinis were involved. No. No one will ever talk to me again. Also, most of the first category would overlap with the second, which would ESSENTIALLY MAKE THEM THE SAME LIST. 
  3. Number of times I should have died (but didn't.) Too depressing. And will reveal actual level of intelligence.
  4. Top 10 things you should stop doing if you ever want to make any money. Too hoax-ey marketer sounding. (Who are we kidding? I'm totally going to write that post.)
  5. Four hundred and one ways to skirt the topic, change the subject and avoid any type of commitment at all, forevermore.  Apparently I'm a pro at this. Ask any of my ex boyfriends. That said, I probably don't need to blow my own cover. *curls mustache with even more zest*
  6. Ways to save the dolphins. Yeeesssssssss. Now we're onto something.

Just kidding–I don't know smack about dolphins.

Though I probably should, given that I've lived in Costa Rica off and on since, like, 1884. Roughly.

I'm pretty sure that what I'm trying to say here is that my options are limited. After men, vodka and money I apparently don't know much of anything else. Good thing I recently read an article on Yahoo about loving myself, which, despite doling out such earth-shattering advice, totally pissed me off, since Yahoo thought it would be funny to post to Facebook that I, Ashley Ambirge, read aforementioned pathetic article on at precisely 8:56pm EST, so every one of my 8,000 pretend friends would KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SORE LOSER I AM ON SUNDAY NIGHTS.


Yahoo is stupid.


I'm over it.

I'm pretty sure that's a wrap.


The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother's Blog.

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Before I explain the origins of this remarkable photo, I’m pretty sure we should think up some awesome captions together. I’ll go first. Anything but Donkey Kong! Too many boobs! Stop tickling me, Rudolph! Father Time eats his first pot brownie. Protesting razors since 1000 B.C. Don’t ask me why I have the need to […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


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Big Things Don’t Happen in Big Ways

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. That dot is where you are. ——–>           . This dot is where you want to be. (Which makes me sound like a woman named Bonnie with big hair in a cheesy 1985 Visa commercial, but alas, I’m just a woman named Ash with big hair in 2015.) People have […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


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Listen: Do What You Crave Without the Guilt. Travel to Italy. Enroll in That Workshop. Make Your Art Every Afternoon. And Hurl Yourself Into the Unknown—For This Is The Best ROI That Money Can Buy.

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My almost-mother-in-law gets really fucking nervous when I travel—especially when I bomb off to South America for a month by myself to drink ALL THE WINE and celebrate ALL THE BOOK DEALS. But she doesn’t get worried in the typical way a mother might; not the way my own mother would have been worried, which would […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life


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I Hate Mantras, And YET—I Love This One for When You’re Kinda Sorta Shitting Your Pants

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I have a mantra (despite wanting to slit my throat upon hearing the word “mantra.”) Are you ready? My mantra is this: WHO CARES HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? GO ANYWAY. Which sounds really kinda wrong, right? We’re a culture based on f-e-e-e-e-e-e-l-i-n-g-s. But sometimes, you have to override the ones that I call false […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life


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When You Feel Like a Hot Mess Full of Walking Contradictions and WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT IS YOUR LIFE?

May 18, 2017

You don’t have to choose, you know. You can be intelligent…and sensual. Extroverted…and introverted. Complex…and simple. You…and someone who’s evolving into someone else. Sometimes, in an effort to finally define who the fuck we are, we start putting ourselves into the little boxes voluntarily—the same ones that we spent our earlier years trying to escape. […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life


I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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