ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Evidence I Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Have a Blog (Also: Calling All Aspiring Copywriters + Wordsmith Sexpots)

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

I like lists.

Don't you like lists? I mean, who doesn't need a good list in their lives? That said, in the name of honoring their holier-than-thou nature, today is officially list day on TMFproject.

Dun dun dun DUN! Sound the alarm! Cue the horns! Signal the ponies!

There's really just one problem with list day, however, which I quickly discovered when I sat down, coffee in hand, to write aforementioned (and highly academic) list:

What to list?

A troublesome pickle to find oneself in, if you ask me, particularly on LIST DAY, when there's overwhelming pressure to have GOOD LISTS. (Don't you like how I'm just going with list day as if it were actually official? Or important? Or relevant? Or REAL?)

So I sat down to do some brainstorming, as any slightly disturbed, vodka slugging, list-making maven would do.

Oh, the lists we shall create!  *curls fake and non-existent handlebar mustache around pinky finger*

  1. Men I've recently slept with. No, no. Too slutty. And list would be frighteningly short.
  2. Embarrassing things I've done when martinis were involved. No. No one will ever talk to me again. Also, most of the first category would overlap with the second, which would ESSENTIALLY MAKE THEM THE SAME LIST. 
  3. Number of times I should have died (but didn't.) Too depressing. And will reveal actual level of intelligence.
  4. Top 10 things you should stop doing if you ever want to make any money. Too hoax-ey marketer sounding. (Who are we kidding? I'm totally going to write that post.)
  5. Four hundred and one ways to skirt the topic, change the subject and avoid any type of commitment at all, forevermore.  Apparently I'm a pro at this. Ask any of my ex boyfriends. That said, I probably don't need to blow my own cover. *curls mustache with even more zest*
  6. Ways to save the dolphins. Yeeesssssssss. Now we're onto something.

Just kidding–I don't know smack about dolphins.

Though I probably should, given that I've lived in Costa Rica off and on since, like, 1884. Roughly.

I'm pretty sure that what I'm trying to say here is that my options are limited. After men, vodka and money I apparently don't know much of anything else. Good thing I recently read an article on Yahoo about loving myself, which, despite doling out such earth-shattering advice, totally pissed me off, since Yahoo thought it would be funny to post to Facebook that I, Ashley Ambirge, read aforementioned pathetic article on at precisely 8:56pm EST, so every one of my 8,000 pretend friends would KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SORE LOSER I AM ON SUNDAY NIGHTS.

Dammit.

Yahoo is stupid.

There.

I'm over it.

I'm pretty sure that's a wrap.

 

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother's Blog.

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  I’m currently gnawing on a big, squishy, ripe red tomato. Right now. As I type this. I’m forking salty chunks into my mouth as I hope (but not pray–I’m pretty bad at that) that tomato seed juice doesn’t dribble all over my keyboard. Before my current lusty, red hot tomato affair, I was getting […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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One Big, Sexy Question for Instant Clarification On: What the Hell Do I Want to Do With My Life?

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I was reading something on the Internet yesterday that was praising this woman’s work, and I thought to myself: there’s such a difference between doing work and having work. (And yes, I italicized “such” in my mind.) To do work is to take on a task, whoever’s task it might be. To have work, though—work […]

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When Being in Control is a Disservice

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I’ve got little patience for excuses. I proactively call myself out whenever I catch myself making excuses in order to either procrastinate or invent reasons why I shouldn’t put myself out there. Why? Because sometimes, putting yourself out there is nail-bitingly, blood-curdingly, will-drive-you-to-drink, flat-out terrifying at times. It’s far easier to continue doing what we’ve […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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2018

If Somebody Told Me to Pick a Husband at Age Twenty-Three, I’d Likely Be Waking Up Next to Some Guy Who Can’t Spell “Lemon.”

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You know why we’re all unhappy and restless and jaded and depressed? LIFE IS BORING US TO TEARS. Boredom is the devil, but most people don’t realize they’re bored. They’re busy working. They’re busy running. They’re busy doing ALL THE ERRANDS and keeping up with those fucksticks, The Jones’. It doesn’t feel like they’re bored, […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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Oct 15

2010

A Conversation With An Immigrant on U.S. Life

Oct 15, 2010

I had an insightful conversation with a Mexican immigrant the other day. We also might have had a round of margaritas, which could have enhanced the perceived value of the conversation, but nevertheless, I wanted to share it with you. It went something like this: ME: So, I imagine you came here with some expectations […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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