ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

Learn More >>

Evidence I Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Have a Blog (Also: Calling All Aspiring Copywriters + Wordsmith Sexpots)

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

I like lists.

Don't you like lists? I mean, who doesn't need a good list in their lives? That said, in the name of honoring their holier-than-thou nature, today is officially list day on TMFproject.

Dun dun dun DUN! Sound the alarm! Cue the horns! Signal the ponies!

There's really just one problem with list day, however, which I quickly discovered when I sat down, coffee in hand, to write aforementioned (and highly academic) list:

What to list?

A troublesome pickle to find oneself in, if you ask me, particularly on LIST DAY, when there's overwhelming pressure to have GOOD LISTS. (Don't you like how I'm just going with list day as if it were actually official? Or important? Or relevant? Or REAL?)

So I sat down to do some brainstorming, as any slightly disturbed, vodka slugging, list-making maven would do.

Oh, the lists we shall create!  *curls fake and non-existent handlebar mustache around pinky finger*

  1. Men I've recently slept with. No, no. Too slutty. And list would be frighteningly short.
  2. Embarrassing things I've done when martinis were involved. No. No one will ever talk to me again. Also, most of the first category would overlap with the second, which would ESSENTIALLY MAKE THEM THE SAME LIST. 
  3. Number of times I should have died (but didn't.) Too depressing. And will reveal actual level of intelligence.
  4. Top 10 things you should stop doing if you ever want to make any money. Too hoax-ey marketer sounding. (Who are we kidding? I'm totally going to write that post.)
  5. Four hundred and one ways to skirt the topic, change the subject and avoid any type of commitment at all, forevermore.  Apparently I'm a pro at this. Ask any of my ex boyfriends. That said, I probably don't need to blow my own cover. *curls mustache with even more zest*
  6. Ways to save the dolphins. Yeeesssssssss. Now we're onto something.

Just kidding–I don't know smack about dolphins.

Though I probably should, given that I've lived in Costa Rica off and on since, like, 1884. Roughly.

I'm pretty sure that what I'm trying to say here is that my options are limited. After men, vodka and money I apparently don't know much of anything else. Good thing I recently read an article on Yahoo about loving myself, which, despite doling out such earth-shattering advice, totally pissed me off, since Yahoo thought it would be funny to post to Facebook that I, Ashley Ambirge, read aforementioned pathetic article on at precisely 8:56pm EST, so every one of my 8,000 pretend friends would KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SORE LOSER I AM ON SUNDAY NIGHTS.

Dammit.

Yahoo is stupid.

There.

I'm over it.

I'm pretty sure that's a wrap.

 

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother's Blog.

Apr 29

2012

Need a Quick Laugh? Here You Go. (Open Me, Jerk!)

Apr 29, 2012

Before I explain the origins of this remarkable photo, I’m pretty sure we should think up some awesome captions together. I’ll go first. Anything but Donkey Kong! Too many boobs! Stop tickling me, Rudolph! Father Time eats his first pot brownie. Protesting razors since 1000 B.C. Don’t ask me why I have the need to […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

READ ME >>

Oct 25

2018

Be Brave, Courageous, Interesting, Crazy, Difficult, Weird, and Downright Complicated. But Don’t You Ever Be Normal.

Oct 25, 2018

You know what’s fucked up? Normal. Normal is so fucked up. For example, it’s normal for expats to drink daily in Costa Rica. This is a terrible idea, and yet, because it’s done over and over again, it’s become normalized. NO ONE WILL GIVE YOU THE STINK EYE FOR SLUGGING A BEER AT 10AM, Y’ALL. […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

READ ME >>

Jun 23

2010

Why Rule Breakers Run the World

Jun 23, 2010

I’ll admit it–I’m a tad embarrassed. I can’t decide if I’m embarrassed in light of the nonchalant display of nudity that is currently lounging alongside of me–quite proudly, and with reason, if I do say so myself–on this clothing optional beach, or if I’m embarrassed for another reason–perhaps at my own relative prudishness, something that […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

READ ME >>

Jul 12

2016

To the Woman With the Fake Smile: Stop It, You Fucking Pigeon

Jul 12, 2016

Can we all just stop, already? Stop apologizing. Stop saying sorry. Stop shrinking into some small little ball-less version of yourself—you know, so you don’t make all the other ball-less twats feel uncomfortable. Or risk offending somebody. Or do something controversial. Or doing all of that and then totally screwing it up and feeling stupid. […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

READ ME >>

May 29

2012

On My Red Hot, Sinfully Sexy Affair.

May 29, 2012

  I’m currently gnawing on a big, squishy, ripe red tomato. Right now. As I type this. I’m forking salty chunks into my mouth as I hope (but not pray–I’m pretty bad at that) that tomato seed juice doesn’t dribble all over my keyboard. Before my current lusty, red hot tomato affair, I was getting […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

READ ME >>

Mar 9

2012

Blow Off Work Today. That’s An Order.

Mar 9, 2012

I’ve been thinking about joy lately. I don’t particularly care for the word; every word has its own personality, and the word joy seems to conjure up an image of an old lady with dentures and pearls. The word just feels outdated. Mothballesque, if you will. Nevertheless, the concept remains. It’s stuck in my mind ever […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

READ ME >>

I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

Enter your email address and I’ll send you my advice column every week sharing everything I’ve learned—and so much more.

But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

Privacy Policy Info Here