Category: Publicity

How I Got an Interview On The Today Show!!!

My first thought was: OHHHH, SHIIIITTTTTT. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! I should’ve been thrilled, but instead, I was worried about—ready for this?—the wallpaper. “They aren’t even going to see the wall,” C tried to assure me. “Just your beautiful, beaming face.” “Yeah, my beautiful, beaming face…inside what looks like a prison cell! What kind of successful person has bare walls?!” I said it with a level of disgust I usually only reserve for condensed milk and people who drive

What I Said to the Journalist, Word-for-Word (Got Me Featured in Newspaper!)

Remember yesterday when I was like, hey, let’s talk about getting exposure for your little biz? And remember yesterday when my hair looked like a wet wooly mammoth? (Oh, wait, you didn’t see that part. Well, for the record, my hair yesterday was seriously HAVING A MOMENT.) And remember yesterday when I was like, you can totally get your business, product, or services featured in the newspaper and in magazines and even on TV…for free…if you know what to say

“But How Do I Get Exposure for My Little Biz?!” <--I'm Revealing the Secret. Not THAT Secret.

I’m dying right now. DYINNGGGGG. My college friend, Andee—a (hilarious) running coach for desk-potato entrepreneurs who need to get off their ass (*raises hand sheepishly*)—just texted me a link, right? And here’s the freakin’ preview: Um, WE KNOW THAT GIRL! That was young, naive 2009 Ash—a previous version of myself that, apparently, used to look okay in red?!?!?! (I never wear red anymore because I think it exacerbates the redness around my nose. Thank you, Irish-heritage broken capillaries!) So you

#REALTALK: Here’s What Saved ~My~ Business

Her name was Karen, and Karen did NOT like me. At least, that’s how I took it the day my application came back DENIIIEDDDDD. “Consists of or includes immoral or scandalous matter under Section 2(a).” This was back in 2013. She was an examiner for the United States Patent and Trademark office. I was trying to do the responsible thing by registering the mark for The Middle Finger Project, which had been in-use since 2009. (Better late than never, homies.)

Can’t Believe I Said This to JENNY F*CKING MCCARTHY

What if I shit myself? This was exactly what I was thinking, yesterday, as I was getting ready to TALK TO A CELEBRITY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. Not because I was nervous, but because I was up the entire night with the ~worst~ waves of stomach cramps—something I blame entirely on the Acai Berry Bowl I ate in Santa Teresa, Costa Rica, the day before. (I mean, it clearly wasn’t the pizza. My body knows what to

I’m Gonna Be on The Jenny McCarthy Show—YOU GOTTA TUNE IN!

YOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! GET THIS WILD TURKEY! ON MONDAY I’M GOING TO BE LIVE on Jenny McCarthy’s Sirius XM Radio Show from 11:20 – 11:40am ET to talk about the book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS CRAZYYYYY!!! WHO AM I?!?!?! Remember when she was with Jim Motherloving Carrey?! And did you know she’s married to Mark Wahlberg’s brother, Donnie, now—who was a member of The New Kids on the Block? Like, WHAT IF A MEMBER OF THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK KNOWS MY NAME?

The Secret to Getting Yo’ Brilliant Ass Featured in a Major Magazine

Three to six months—BURN THAT INTO YOUR BRAIN. That’s how long it used to take a baby dinosaur egg to hatch (fun facts on a Wednesday), how long it takes to repair damage to your credit report, how long it’ll take until you see SEO results, the amount of money you need to save your ass in an emergency, and, most academically, how long the effect of Botox lasts—among other notable factoids, like the length of time it takes me