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(Like, picturing me calling you with a giant buffalo horn as I lather Vaseline in between my legs because clearly we are on the savanna and clearly my legs are chafed as we do this.) Exciting freaking news to share! We’ve just launched a brand-new product in our shop called: The Very Sweary Field Guide […]
Not that you didn’t know that already. Which is why if you come at me with chakras or crystals or dildos scented with patchouli oil, I will make a face that looks pretty much like I have just swallowed a baby rhinoceros hoof. Which might be possible, if you could see the kind of soup […]
At least, that’s what I’d title this if I were writing about myself in the third person. You know, like if The New York Times were to feature this article. Or on The Onion! Except The Onion headline would be much funnier. More like: “Time Log of Plump Author Shows Exactly How She Got So […]
So guys, I’ve finally discovered “the secret to success”—and no, it does not require Himalayan bath salts*. *Also does not require Ben Gay, thank god. The real secret to success is in learning how to be both a lawyer and a serial killer, and I say that with all sincerity. [Insert image of […]
Omg, do you guys love how I just totally pretended I was a book critic and made it seem like I review one book a week? Who needs The New York Times when you’ve got The Middle Finger Project? Neck to neck, y’all. Neck to NECK. Here’s why I’m two-stepping into your inbox on this […]
I’m the first to admit I love doing things trial by fire. Such a masochist! But it’s true: I love being thrown into a tank full of sharks and then yelling, “COME FOR ME!” while simultaneously trying to figure out how the flipper to get out of there. (Haha, funny/sad?) I learn best this way—and […]
Last week I asked: what questions do you have about the publishing process? Since I’m in the thick of it, and you’re my ride-or-die crew, I thought I’d bring you along on the journey. (Picture me holding the keys to a Ferrari. Except instead of a Ferrari it’s more like a tank. Can you imagine […]
There are approximately ELEVENTY HUNDRED SURPRISING THINGS I’ve learned about book deals and the book publishing process that I never, ever, ever, ever knew. Take the hour-long call I had with my editor at Penguin, yesterday, as we discussed my manuscript and agreed on final edits. One of the things she wants me to do? […]
Not being able to say what it’s about IN ONE SNAPPY “AH HA!” SENTENCE. In other words, the pitch. Oh, the pitch! I know, I know, you’re groaning already. But here’s the deal: you need to frame your work around a tight, contained hook that instantly makes sense to other people—and you have to do […]
It’s Friday and I have so many things to tell you! First of all, have you ever read Caitlin Moran? Because if you haven’t, you need to. She’s funny as fuck. And she’s smart as fuck. And she’s British as fuck. Annnnnnnnnd, the real reason I’m telling you this is because I met with my new UK […]
