Category: Book Publishing

Calling Anyone Who Wants to Write a Book!

(Like, picturing me calling you with a giant buffalo horn as I lather Vaseline in between my legs because clearly we are on the savanna and clearly my legs are chafed as we do this.) Exciting freaking news to share! We’ve just launched a brand-new product in our shop called: The Very Sweary Field Guide for Future Authors—and I think you’re going to freaking dieeeeee when you see this.     I created this for anyone who kinda sorta wishes

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I’m The Least Spiritual Fuck On the Planet

Not that you didn’t know that already. Which is why if you come at me with chakras or crystals or dildos scented with patchouli oil, I will make a face that looks pretty much like I have just swallowed a baby rhinoceros hoof. Which might be possible, if you could see the kind of soup I ate last night. I’ll tell you why I bring this up momentarily, but first… I’m still here in my hometown! The one you’ll read

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Author Keeps Time Log That Shows 182 Emotions of Writing a Book From Start to Finish

At least, that’s what I’d title this if I were writing about myself in the third person. You know, like if The New York Times were to feature this article. Or on The Onion! Except The Onion headline would be much funnier. More like: “Time Log of Plump Author Shows Exactly How She Got So Plump.” Which is not untrue. What follows is a literal and actual time log that I’ve been keeping since I signed with my literary agency

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THE BIG BOOK COVER REVEAL! See Also: The Time I Tried to Convince You to Become a Serial Killer.

So guys, I’ve finally discovered “the secret to success”—and no, it does not require Himalayan bath salts*.   *Also does not require Ben Gay, thank god.   The real secret to success is in learning how to be both a lawyer and a serial killer, and I say that with all sincerity. [Insert image of me knifing my book here.] Who wants a serial killer in their inbox? I know! But alas, you’ve got one: it’s the only way to

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Disobedient Book of the Week: Don’t Keep Your Day Job, by Cathy Heller

Omg, do you guys love how I just totally pretended I was a book critic and made it seem like I review one book a week? Who needs The New York Times when you’ve got The Middle Finger Project? Neck to neck, y’all. Neck to NECK. Here’s why I’m two-stepping into your inbox on this fine Monday afternoon: I really, really like scrappy, resourceful motherfuckers like C. Money Heller (new nickname), author of the new book, Don’t Keep Your Day

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9 Rookie Mistakes I Made When I Wrote My Very First Book Proposal (Don’t Do This!)

I’m the first to admit I love doing things trial by fire. Such a masochist! But it’s true: I love being thrown into a tank full of sharks and then yelling, “COME FOR ME!” while simultaneously trying to figure out how the flipper to get out of there. (Haha, funny/sad?) I learn best this way—and in fact, it’s one of my favorite ways to make progress faster than any other hobo out there. Don’t start before you’re ready: start before

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Answers to Your Questions About Book Deals + The Publishing Process! (Plus An Army Tank, The Nickname “Butch,” and My Favorite New Compliment: CREAMY.)

Last week I asked: what questions do you have about the publishing process? Since I’m in the thick of it, and you’re my ride-or-die crew, I thought I’d bring you along on the journey. (Picture me holding the keys to a Ferrari. Except instead of a Ferrari it’s more like a tank. Can you imagine a giant tank with “The Middle Finger Project” emblazoned on the side? WE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN.) And, omg, you had so many good

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Writing a Book? Curious About the Publishing Process? Submit Your Q’s Here!

There are approximately ELEVENTY HUNDRED SURPRISING THINGS I’ve learned about book deals and the book publishing process that I never, ever, ever, ever knew. Take the hour-long call I had with my editor at Penguin, yesterday, as we discussed my manuscript and agreed on final edits. One of the things she wants me to do? Make my chapters shorter towards the end. Why? Because psychologically, readers like to feel like they’re making progress. If the chapters get shorter as you

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The Top 10 Rookie Mistakes That Will Royally F*ck-Up Your Shot at a Book Deal, Y’all

Not being able to say what it’s about IN ONE SNAPPY “AH HA!” SENTENCE. In other words, the pitch. Oh, the pitch! I know, I know, you’re groaning already. But here’s the deal: you need to frame your work around a tight, contained hook that instantly makes sense to other people—and you have to do it in just a few words. None of this rambly, full-on paragraph shite. (Trust me, I’ve been there.) If you can’t say it in one

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Writing Books, Trusting The Fuck Out Of Yourself, And The Golden Penis of Website Builders. (In Other Words, A Total Must-Read, You Guys.)

It’s Friday and I have so many things to tell you! First of all, have you ever read Caitlin Moran? Because if you haven’t, you need to. She’s funny as fuck. And she’s smart as fuck. And she’s British as fuck. Annnnnnnnnd, the real reason I’m telling you this is because I met with my new UK editor (!!!) at Penguin Random House last week in London (!!!), and they publish Caitlin (!!!), and I got a free copy of

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