(Like, picturing me calling you with a giant buffalo horn as I lather Vaseline in between my legs because clearly we are on the savanna and clearly my legs are chafed as we do this.)
Exciting freaking news to share! We've just launched a brand-new product in our shop called: The Very Sweary Field Guide for Future Authors—and I think you're going to freaking dieeeeee when you see this.
I created this for anyone who kinda sorta wishes they could sneak me into a back alley and shove a bottle of booze in my hand and then ask me everything I learned while writing, pitching and publishing THE MIDDLE FINGER PROJECT—and working with agents and editors and publishing people day in and out for the last two years behind the scenes. What worked? What didn't? What things do most people not know—like, at all? And how can what I know help YOU?
Inside There Are Things Like:
- The trick for figuring out what the FRICK your message is when you've got tons of content but no clear direction (I know, we're all having seizures over this!)
- How do you know if your idea is any good? (Hint: if nobody would disagree with it, it is not the book's idea.)
- High concept versus low concept—and why high concept will up your odds by a trillion fold
- The one surprising mistake we're all tempted to make at first (that I deeeeeefinitely made)
- Is your book a challenge or an affirmation? Knowing this changes how you approach everything
- How to reverse engineer the writing of your book so you know exactly what to include and what NOT to so you end up with a tight manuscript and no saggy middles
- Pitching literary agents and how (and what you absolutely must have in your hand before you get to this step)
- Getting representation and what that means (because your agent is NOT your editor, dahling)
- The type of proposal you'll want to write, depending on what you're writing (and the confusing gray area that is “narrative non-fiction” since it's technically non-fiction but it's also a story so do you write the proposal or the manuscript first?)
- First meetings with publishing houses (and what I recommend you do NOT do—trust me on this one)
- The #1 thing I had that not everybody else did (and how it massively set my proposal apart)
- A magical technique I learned for writing your book's synopsis / overview—after struggling with this FOR-EVERRRRR, since it's the hardest thing you'll have to write. (Also, you know I don't use the word “magical” unless I mean it.)
- How to nail a succinct, powerful elevator pitch that doesn't make you look like a stammery 12-year-old. (You will want to slice your aorta attempting this on your own.)
- The “BIG YES!” factor that really sold my book to Portfolio /Penguin Random House (And the #1 thing the publisher needed from me in order to green-light the project—what was it?)
- How to deal with self-doubt and wondering if a ham sandwich can write a better book than you
- And so many more things that I won't include here because it will totally be obnoxious if I keep listing bullet points
Allow me to say: the field guide is sensational. It's a great product. You are going to LOVE it if you're thinking about writing a book now or someday in the future—especially because most of us civilians do not have access to this kind of insider experience. I remember Googling endlessly, all those years ago, and basically only finding things like how much of an advance superstars like J.K. Rowling got, or some disgruntled children's book writer from Kansas in 1994. It was surprising how exclusive this information felt, and how hard it was to find any info about other people's experiences within the industry itself. So don't worry: we'll talk ALLLLLLL about money and advances and royalties and whether or not you can make a real living writing books, too. 🙂
And here's the kicker: if you buy it right now? You will ALSO get….a shiny new car! A fast-action bonus worth MILLIONS! Yet another Facebook group! A thousand group calls with strangers you don't even like!
Just kidding. You won't get any of those. [Insert sly smirk here.] But you know what you do get if you buy it right now? A massive motherf*cking head start. That little hint of hope when you buy something BRILLIANT that you know is going to help you get to where you want to go. The energized feeling that comes with trusting yourself to pull it off. A really fun learning experience that you'll enjoy—this weekend? Next week at home cozied under the covers? During your lunch break at work? As a time-out from all of the other obligations and stressors you've got going on that keep getting in your way of doing what matters to you?
I got you boo.
And for that reason, it's one of the most accessible products we've ever offered. Ideas are a great equalizer and it doesn't matter where you come from or what you've been through or who you are, if you can put your ideas onto the page? You've got something of value.
You've got yourself.
GO, GO, GO.