The Blog

Sep 4

2017

Should You Offer a Payment Plan?

Sep 4, 2017

Yes—but only as a last resort. Put yourself in the buyer’s shoes: that $2,000 course you’re thinking about taking is COSTS APPROXIMATELY THE SAME AS A SMALL HORSE, however—that’s not to say you wouldn’t purchase a small horse (neiiiighhh!) if you could, say, put $97 a month toward the beast in all its glory. Which […]

In: How to Sell Yourself

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Aug 30

2017

$5 Discount or $5 Surcharge?

Aug 30, 2017

Would you rather get a $5 discount or receive a $5 surcharge? It’s the same change in price, just framed differently—and yet, I bet even the word “surcharge” just had you up in arms. LISTEN HERE, AT&T!!!!!!!!!!! That’s because humans are reeeeepulsed by the idea of losing something we already have. It makes us hangry. […]

In: How to Sell Yourself

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Aug 28

2017

“Hire Me” versus “Listen To Me”

Aug 28, 2017

If you’re a freelancer, there are two different power dynamics: Hire me! Please hire me! I’m shitting my pants, over here, because I’m depending on you entirely and I’ll do anything it takes, even work for peanuts, because I need you to take mercyyyyy onnnnn meeeeee. Listen to me. I’m great at what I do, […]

In: How to Sell Yourself

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Jul 28

2017

If You Don’t Feel Comfortable Saying, “Step Right Up and Try My Milkshake, Folks!” There Might Be a Problem With Your Product—Not Your Confidence

Jul 28, 2017

Small soft chocolate lady was my favorite. She’d arrive in a sand-colored pick-up truck; a small one, I’d say, for a pick-up truck in Susquehanna County. She’d dismount as if she were in a rush, though I knew she was only going back to the grocery store she owned. I’d have her cone ready by […]

In: How to Sell Yourself

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[{"code":"Omg
[{"code":"Omg
yes
yes
quit tomorrow before your brain shrivels into a sausage"
quit tomorrow before your brain shrivels into a sausage"
"label":"Fortune #1"
"label":"Fortune #1"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Don't be ridiculous
{"code":"Don't be ridiculous
you SO already know the answer "
you SO already know the answer "
"label":"Fortune #2"
"label":"Fortune #2"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"If you have to ask
{"code":"If you have to ask
the answer is yes. Now buy my f*cking book."
the answer is yes. Now buy my f*cking book."
"label":"Fortune #3"
"label":"Fortune #3"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"YES
{"code":"YES
you're not that horrible of a person that no one else will hire you if things go wrong"
you're not that horrible of a person that no one else will hire you if things go wrong"
"label":"Fortune #4"
"label":"Fortune #4"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"You're a smart f*cking human and you're wasting your potential working for some fleabag named Dirk. BYE."
{"code":"You're a smart f*cking human and you're wasting your potential working for some fleabag named Dirk. BYE."
"label":"Fortune #5"
"label":"Fortune #5"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Leave your stupid husband and *then* quit your job"
{"code":"Leave your stupid husband and *then* quit your job"
"label":"Fortune #6"
"label":"Fortune #6"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Depends on how much you like working under a guy who can't spell urethra. The Middle Finger Project book can help you figure it out though! "
{"code":"Depends on how much you like working under a guy who can't spell urethra. The Middle Finger Project book can help you figure it out though! "
"label":"Fortune #7"
"label":"Fortune #7"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Go
{"code":"Go
go
go
go! It's painful watching you completely underestimate the fuck out of yourself"
go! It's painful watching you completely underestimate the fuck out of yourself"
"label":"Fortune #8"
"label":"Fortune #8"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Yes and tell your family who doesn't understand jack sh*t to go barbeque some weiners and come talk to you once you're a bazillionaire"
{"code":"Yes and tell your family who doesn't understand jack sh*t to go barbeque some weiners and come talk to you once you're a bazillionaire"
"label":"Fortune #9"
"label":"Fortune #9"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"YES
{"code":"YES
being responsible is overrated when it costs you the rest of your life"
being responsible is overrated when it costs you the rest of your life"
"label":"Fortune #10"
"label":"Fortune #10"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"UM
{"code":"UM
YES. thank you
YES. thank you
next"
next"
"label":"Fortune #11"
"label":"Fortune #11"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"If you don't quit
{"code":"If you don't quit
I'm going to call your boss FOR you and then how embarrassing will that be?"
I'm going to call your boss FOR you and then how embarrassing will that be?"
"label":"Fortune #12"
"label":"Fortune #12"
"win":true}]
"win":true}]