lallal

The One Thing That Can (And Will) Mess Up Your Life…If You Let It

GRR face

Luck scares the crap out of me.

Contrary to common belief, luck is the one thing that has the power to completely, utterly mess up your life.

As much as I like the idea of getting lucky–especially while abroad, wink–the harsh truth is this:

Luck does not exist.

That’s not startling news though, is it?  Most people already know that.  Right?  Right.

So the question becomes:

Why is it that most people still place their lives in the hands of the tooth fairy’s cousin to run?

That’s why luck scares the crap out of me–despite the fact that it is make believe, and most people know that if they consciously think about it, the power it seemingly has in running people’s lives is alarming.  Many people live their lives hoping to get lucky, instead of getting out there, smearing on some eyeblack, giving life their best GRRR face, and making it happen. (I tend to be rather fond of my GRRR face, if I do say so myself.)

Fact: When it comes to achieving things, people don’t get lucky.  When we experience any type of success–however we define that for ourselves–it isn’t because we got lucky in the success lottery that day.  It isn’t because we were in the right place at the right time.  And it definitely isn’t because you were wearing a low-cut top that day.

But most importantly?

When we experience success it isn’t because we’ve worked hard.

Yeah, that’s right.  You heard me, cowboy.

Hard work might come into play later, but the real reason we experience any type of success is a simple yet often overlooked tiny little detail:

You first have to give yourself the chance.

Get out there!  Go get dirty!  Open yourself to opportunity!  TRY.

There are many dreamers in the world.  I’m certainly one of them.  And for those of you who read my Dream Zapper post over at Free Pursuits, you know how important I feel it is to protect those dreams.  However, it is far too easy to simply wish for this, and hope for that, and call those aspirations, when the fact of the matter is that is it 100% impossible to achieve those aspirations–or anything, for that matter–unless you put yourself out there first, and give it a try.

This is the simplest advice, but by far one of the best, I assure you.

Here’s an example.  I recently won an all-paid trip to Jamaica to stay in an all-inclusive resort.  Seems pretty lucky, huh?

Not lucky at all.  I did not win that trip because of luck. I won that trip because I bothered to take 2 minutes to fill out an entry form and put my name in the drawing while out dancing one night in Philadelphia.  I won because I opened myself up to the opportunity, instead of just walking by and thinking, “Oh, I’ll never win, anyway.  C’mon let’s hurry to the all-you-can-eat steak buffet before the line gets long.”

Relating this back to life goals, it seems too often to be the case that many don’t bother to “put their name in,” or simply try, because they’ve convinced themselves that there will always be someone out there who will be better, more deserving, etc.

And that kind of mindset can be devastatingly crippling to the potential that’s out there.  It’s also devastatingly false.

Luck and Lifestyle Design

In terms of lifestyle design, this becomes an especially important lesson.  The word “design” implies “deliberate intention.”  If you want the power to control your life and design the one you see fit, then…you must be deliberate and intentional. No big shocker there.  But luck?  That’s going to do you approximately zero good in this showdown.

As rad as it would be, you’re not going to get lucky and have a martini magically appear in front of you just because, you’re not going to get lucky and lose 20 pounds just because, and you most certainly will not get lucky and simply have the life of your dreams just because.

You’ve got to go out and hunt that *$&@ down!

I’ve found it useful to think not in terms of how much effort I’ve got to exert, but by how great the potential reward or benefits could be, and in that alone.  If something requires relatively little work, but offers a huge reward, this ranks high on my priority list.  If something requires more effort, but still offers an equally huge reward, this also ranks high.  However, if something requires either little or more effort and the end reward isn’t something I’m absolutely crazy about, then this ranks low in my priorities.  Voila, prioritized goals.

It’s all about examining what it is you want, assessing the various routes to take you there….and then not waiting for luck to kick in, but making it happen with a healthy dose of some sexy old elbow grease. Discard the idea that maybe if you start something, it’ll just fall into place.  It won’t!  You’ve got to make it happen, and follow through.  It’s as simple as that.

Even if you aspire to have a four hour work week (something that might rank high in your priorities), you’ve still got to put in the work now to get there later.  Sometimes the best rewards take time and effort, but that doesn’t make them any less valuable.  In fact, they’re probably more valuable, which is why you should be more willing to dedicate yourself.  But whatever you do, don’t leave anything in luck’s hands.  It’ll be the fastest road to my-life-sucks-ville.

If it’s something you really want, then the reward is always worth the risk. You want an action step?  You got it:  Go practice your GRRR face in the mirror until it’s good enough to rival those crazy dudes from the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship), and then make a phone call.  Not an email, a phone call.  Call one person who you think could offer you some good advice on whatever it is you want to pursue, and simply just ask for it.  People are often much more willing to help than you may think.  They’ll likely be flattered, and you’ll get the benefit of gaining valuable knowledge, making a potential contact, and getting you pumped.

Don’t forget to take notes.

Ready?  Set?  GRR face!  Go!

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ovidiu-Trif/1701621659 Ovidiu Trif

    GRRRR, I'm in for a GRR face contest :)

    Awsm article, I love your blog

  • TMFproject

    LITERALLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD.  I knew I could leave it to you to provide my daily dose of humor.  Ha, people…do this.  It's hysterical.

  • http://rulesoptional.com Andrew MacPherson

    For a fun experiment: Read this while replacing every instance of 'luck' with 'Jesus' or 'God' or 'magic'. Oh man… I couldn't make it past the first sentence without an LOL.

    • TMFproject

      LITERALLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD.  I knew I could leave it to you to provide my daily dose of humor.  Ha, people…do this.  It's hysterical.

  • http://wwwtravelph.blogspot.com/ Randall

    I love the line in your post about putting yourself out there!  That is where the fear is!  That is where the reward is!  If we could learn to habitualy put ourselves out there as a part of our everyday life and just follow where it leads us our life could change for the better rapildly. 

    All things in you life that have been worthwhile you have stuffed the terror and went for it!

    • TMFproject

      Yes!  It's a catch 22 because, as you said, it's the place where both fear and reward come together.  It's a matter of putting your fear in perspective and focusing in on the reward.  Usually, fear is just a psychological phantom of the mind, and as such, it's heartbreaking to see a fake phantom remove all of the power we have to go out and get what we want.

  • http://twitter.com/mike_key Michael Key

    This was a good post, I recently wrote something similar on the topic, but because I was shocked at the number of bloggers with a following, who also discuss lifestyle design promoting the idea that they themselves where lucky. It blows my mind to think people who teach others about success would even promote such an idea as luck.

    • TMFproject

      Wondering if those that you speak of actually DO believe they were lucky? 

      Excited to follow along once you launch the new site.  What's your timeline look like, Mike???

  • http://floretacui.blogspot.com floretacui

    I was talking about this exact same thing to a friend the other day. You can take this into faith/fate arguments as well. My general view is that of 50/50. Life is all about different outcomes and probabilities. You have the personal responsibility to change your life. Life doesn't happen to you. Blahblahblah. It's very existential. Nothing stays the same, nothing remains static. Which way a thing changes depends on you. My friend tied this into the randomness of life (probabilities/outcomes) and how “positive randomness” is where a small investment has the potential to pay off big. Take the example of my writing contest. The worst that can happen is I submit something and pay a fee and don't win; I go on with my life like normal. The best that can happen is I win the grand prize (money, a vacation, whatever it is). I try to do all I can to make things happen that is within my control/capacity. The other half could be called “luck” “fate” or what have you, but it's the things beyond our control; the randomness and probabilities of life. None of it can happen without your initiative though!

    • TMFproject

      I'm a huge existentialist, and 100% on board with “nothing stays the same, nothing remains static.”  With that in mind, it's easier to take risks and do what you need to do because “failures” are only, at worst, temporary.  That said, I do think that life DOES happen to you….IF you don't take that personal responsibility to go out and change it. 

      You absolutely must enter the writing contest.  You'll never have a chance if you don't.  But it sounds like you already know that.  ;) When's the deadline?!  Get on it!

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    I can't tell you how much this relates to EXACTLY what I have been thinking about lately. In my upcoming newsletter – which you should subscribe to – first edition goes out on Tuesday (the 29th) – https://app.e2ma.net/app/view:Join/signupId:140… – I address the idea that “settling” may not be such a bad thing – in fact, it might just be a part of life. Our dreams are not going to be realized overnight – and sometimes, that shitty dead end retail job might not be as bad as you make it out to be – it's a step TOWARD your dream – and until you realize that life is a series of small steps back and giant leaps forward, you won't get very far. As long as your learning, growing, getting out there and trying, you're living.

    Ash – you and I are so full of inspired thought, I bet we just pee champagne and shit out Skittles, LOL. Thanks for yet another nugget of wisdom here! Keep em' comin!

    • TMFproject

      You know what?  You're completely right: “As long as you're learning, growing, getting out there and trying, you're living.”  There are some people who simply don't have big dreams, nor do they care to pursue some big dream, but are most content simply just appreciating everyday life, and living each step, each day, surrounded by good friends and family.  And there's nothing wrong with that.  Sometimes I wish I had a little retreat to myself with a big, giant gushy couch and the comforts of home.

      • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

        Exactly. Everyone can't (and doesn't need to) have these huge life goals. There is a lot to be said for enjoying the little things and living each day to it's full potential.

  • http://www.forty2fifty.com Jason

    I really like what you said about “design”.  I totally agree that one has to put themselves out there in order to even have the opportunity to succeed.  That's the first step.  Having the right “design” will propel one to success once they've taken the initiative to put themselves out.

    Awesome post and something I will definitely be considering in 2010

    • TMFproject

      2010 awaits your GRRR face! 

      Thanks, Jason.  The term “life” seems to imply that it's beyond our control, as in, “That's just the way life goes,” but with “lifestyle design,” it explicitly requires you to TAKE control, and do so with deliberation.  For some, that might be scary because it also means that if you fail, the blame lies on you, versus if you fail in regular life, it's just chalked up to “bad luck.”  But the flip side is that if you succeed, the success also lies on you….and you have a much higher chance of doing so if you're deliberating trying.  :)

  • http://www.thelifething.com/ Jonny | thelifething,com

    Holly crap, I want in on the Jamaican trip, Some people have all the luck.

    • TMFproject

      Smart ass.

  • Austin_Yoder

    And she certainly has a wonderful way with words.
    Of her writing: a delicious white-knuckled truth sandwich.

    Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

    • TMFproject

      That may have been the coolest compliment I've received – I might have to steal that line from you, Austin. 

      I appreciate the feedback – keep reading and GRRR face it up!

      • Austin_Yoder

        I'll happily give it to you, no need to steal :)

  • http://findyourselflost.com kristin norris

    The one thought I got out of this post:

    “Kristin, stop thinking Ashley wouldn't want to take you to Jamaica. She's not just going to come out and ask you to be her plus one…you have to open yourself up to opportunity!”

    That said….plus one?

    Also: great post! I practice my GRRRRR face daily. Admittedly it looks a little like a monkey. But definitely one of the fierce ones that might throw poop at you.

    • TMFproject

      Good way to put the concept into practice!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Actually, I'd hate to go to Jamaica with you because you'd make me look like a whale in a bikini.  Other than that, though, we'd have a blast.  ;) In all seriousness, though, the chick who is coming with is a friend who happened to be out dancing with me that night.  She also put her name in, and we promised we'd take one another if we were to win.  And look!  We won!  :)

      I'd love to see your GRR face.  I think we need a tweet on that.  Everyone follow @findurself lost and put the pressure on.

  • http://www.nomadicneil.com/ NomadicNeil

    I'm a big believer of the idea that you don't make your own luck but that you can set your self up to take advantage of luck. And it's even easier is put yourself in situations where lucky things are more likely to happen.

    That's what I find so funny about people who refer to hooking up as 'getting lucky'. Yup, I sure was lucky to get dressed, go out to the shopping mall / bar / club / gig, approach that beautiful girl, ask her to sit for a drink with me… etc. etc.  I mean what could I have possibly done to move things in the direction I wanted to go? LOL

    I remember how at my last job my colleagues used to play the lottery every Friday. I joined in once but I noticed a nasty little feeling that it created in me. A feeling that said: 'Wow, if only I could win the lottery then I'd be free to do whatever I want!' Euurghhh!!!

    So that was the first and the last time I played the lottery because that is an insidious little thought that could have resulted in some disempowering beliefs. A much better belief to cultivate is that I'll save up some money, learn how to work for myself and realise that I am already free to do whatever I want. Results speak for themselves.

    • http://www.nomadicneil.com/ NomadicNeil

      First line should read:

      “I'm a big believer in the idea that you don't make your own luck but that you can set your self up to take advantage of luck when it does happen. And it's even easier to put yourself in situations where lucky things are more likely to happen”.

    • TMFproject

      Your comment made me laugh out loud.  “What could I have possibly done to move things in the direction I wanted to go?”  That's what I'm talking about.  Luck simply doesn't exist.  It is an illusion as the product of either hard work, a lot of guts, or both.  And people see the illusion reflecting off of others – “Oh, wow, what a lucky guy,” and I imagine that it creates a lot of unnecessary disappointment in one's self, manifesting the thought process of, “Man, I wish I were that lucky……butttt since I'm not I've just got to suck it up.”  False.  EHH!  Ring the buzzer, someone.  I refuse to suck anything up – if you're not happy, do something about it.  Or, more appropriate to this example, if you're not getting ass, do something about it.  :)

      P.S. 
      You pointed out another really insane thought process: “If only.”  No “if onlys.”  I prefer “if when.”  Sounds like you do, too.

  • katiekasz

    Yet another post with an insightful and inspiring message right when I needed it. Thanks, mon! (might want to practice that accent for your *next* trip, “lucky” girl! (Get it, lucky girl?! okay, I'm a dork…)

    I fully agree with what you have stated here; about three months ago I found myself getting angry with my own dad for telling me I was 'lucky.' What he didn't realize is I wasn't lucky, but rather pro-active in every opportunity I created for myself. As I sit here now, writing resume after resume, I find myself feeling stuck–but knowing I need to keep working hard to create more of what everyone else calls “luck.”

    The timing of this post was great for me–pretty 'lucky' I found it–took the chance, opened your page hoping for a new post and–bam! inspiration at my fingertips! Gotta' love the internet!

    AND–ps–If you and Rich work out a Grr face facebook competition, can I please be a judge?!!!

    AND–hey–Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, prosperous 2010! I'm here in PA dreaming of a white Christmas and you're in Costa Rica dreaming of a white-sand-beached Christmas! Hope you're enjoying! Looking forward to seeing you upon return provided “luck” doesn't find me a job somewhere else…  :-)

    • TMFproject

      Lucky stripe!  You clever dawg, you.  I happen to love Lucky Stripe.  Thanks, Katie, now I'm in the mood to drink beer.  (It's only 10:41am.)

      What you said here resonates with me as well.  That's a bit of why I wrote it.  I'm constantly told I'm “lucky” for this reason or the other.  In fact, it's not luck at all.  I've identified things I want to happen, and I'm making them happen.  It takes a lot of hard work.  Pro-activity.  Just like you said. 

      Keep hammering away at those resumes, and if that doesn't work out…I'd highly consider entrepreneurialism. ;)

      Happy holidays to you, too!

  • http://www.cornonthejob.com/ Rich DeMatteo

    This is me, daring you to sponsor a “Grrr Face Contest”. 

    Hit me up on Facebook to discuss

    • TMFproject

      I'm liking the way you're thinking!

  • http://www.thewaythatyouwander.com/ Nate

    I totally agree, you need to put yourself in a situation to get something out of it. You can't just wait for your lucky day. When I don't feel like working on my projects and would prefer watching TV all night, I just keep in mind my goal of quitting my job in May. I realize that if that's going to happen it's 100% because I made it happen. It usually gets my butt in gear. Nice post! And congrats on the Jamaica trip, that's just sweet.

    • TMFproject

      That keeps me going, too – when I'm feeling a bit sluggish, or would rather be at the beach instead of in my apartment (ahem), I have to consciously ask myself, “If I don't do this, will I reach my goals like I had hoped?”  Usually the answer is no, and so it keeps me in my seat.  Not only that, it keeps me from not resenting that I'm “working” instead, because I know that the end goal is so, so worth it.  Not that this is working – I'm obsessed with what I'm doing.  Not having an internet connection 100% of the time has probably been good for my health!  :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/christophercarruth Chris Carruth

    Apropos:

    “Luck is the residue of design – Branch Rikey”

    • TMFproject

      New favorite quote.  That one quote embodies what I was trying to say in the entire post.  :) Thanks for that!

  • http://twitter.com/lamiki Laura Kimball

    Hi Ashley, I recently discovered your blog (with thanks to Matt Chevy). I really enjoyed this post, though, this really threw me for a loop:

    “When we experience success it isn’t because we’ve worked hard…You first have to give yourself the chance.”

    I'm the kind of person who believes in *making* my life happen for me, not waiting for it to happen. But you're right, it's all about opening yourself up to possibility and trying for it, otherwise you're just left dreaming. Thanks for saying it like that.

    • TMFproject

      Yes, absolutely – *making* life happen for you is what I'm all about.  Well said.  With the statement you quoted above, what I meant was really just that the very first step in achieving success is just that….taking the first step.  All of the work comes later, but if you don't take that first step, you won't even have the chance to work at it.  Furthermore, it could be also taken as: You can work as long and hard as you want, but if you aren't working at the right things (based on what you desire from life), then you're not going to experience the “right” type of success, either (again, based on what you desire from life.)

      Glad you stopped by!  It's always a pleasure to connect with new readers!  Cheers!

  • http://exilelifestyle.com/ Colin Wright

    GRRR!

    Really good advice, and a good formula for life in general.

    You don't exactly make your own luck, but you very much do put yourself in the position to take advantage of it when it strikes. And if it doesn't? Well then you'll be in a much better position, anyway, so you won't even miss it. Joy of joys!

    • TMFproject

      GRRR! 

      Embrace the opportunities when they come, and if they don't…make your own!  Right on, Wright.  :)

  • http://www.reachourdreams.com/ jen

    Ash! Brilliant as always and a grrrreat message! We gotta do something, if we want to achieve anything….it's easy to sit round and complain life's not going your way … we gotta get off our butts and make things happen! :)

    • TMFproject

      It's easy to fall into a state of despair, but really the only way out of it is to do just that.  Gain traction.  Keep on going.  Make things happen.  Drink lots of caffeine if need be.  ;)

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