Work Archives

3 Mistakes EVERYONE Makes With Their Homepage Headline (That Can Seriously Flatline Your Messaging)

Things that are hard: opening literally any package of scissors, planks, death, restraining yourself around a person who’s sniffling (my biggest pet peeve), realizing you are too fat to go indoor skydiving (legit just happened to me), and scrubbing the water rings off of your glass cooktop stove. Things that are harder: Writing your homepage headline when you have zero clarity about your brand promise, your brand positioning, and your value proposition. 😬 Ugh, did you just groan?? Was that

Mar 11, 2022

How to Nail Your Friggin’ Message, Once and For All, Using This Trick

If there were a richter scale of “OH F**K,” you know which two questions top the charts for creators? So, what do you do? Can you send over your professional bio? kisssssesssss LAWDY, LAWD. The two worst questions in the history of working for yourself. (That and “how much money did you make last year?” which, for the record, only entitled d-bags ask.) These are the kinds of questions that can make a person do terrible, horrible things—like give up

Mar 10, 2022

The Magic Message Bootcamp x Ukraine—NOW OPEN

Okay, IMPORTANT NEWS. We have a long-time Middle Finger Project reader, Lisa, who is currently in western Ukraine, having made the decision to stay and help local families fleeing from the east. See email below: As soon as I got the email, I remembered that her and I had chatted in August of last year about her enjoying life in western Ukraine. 🤯 So, of course, when I got Lisa’s email about her family’s brave decision to stay in western

Mar 8, 2022

How to Market Yourself in 2022—And Make ALL The Clients Come to Your Yard

The biggest question I get asked about starting a business: How the hell do I market myself? Usually this is accompanied by a downtrodden face of doom, and sometimes a teeny, tiny fart. For this, my friend, is the question of the times: the creator economy has made normal people who would normally only be worried about hiding from the neighbors, NEED TO WORRY ABOUT OTHER WEIRD THINGS, TOO. (As if we all needed something else to concern ourselves with

Feb 24, 2022

On Being DONE With Your Work: A Guilt-Free Approach to To-Do Lists

There’s something to be said about being DONE. I mean, do you ever feel like anything is done? Probably not! We’re living in a world where nothing is ever done. How could it be, when everything is an ongoing conversation? This is why I find it nearly impossible to text people back. Because once I do, I think I’ve gotten it off my to-do list, but then balls on a stick! THEN THEY TEXT BACK! And then I’ve got yet

Apr 20, 2021

16 Words That’ll Help You Defeat Refund Bullies Over the Phone 💪 📞

I hate phone calls. In fact, there are fewer things I hate than when my phone rings. The first thought: WHO DARES…HAVE THE NERVE…TO CALL…UNINVITED?!? It’s basically the modern equivalent of dropping in on someone unannounced—especially if it’s a video call. Quick, hide the mannequin! Hide the hamburgers! Hide MY ENTIRE FACE! (Oh, you don’t have mannequins and hamburgers lying around? I’M SORRY.) I know I’m not alone—at least with the phone call bit. 😉 This is hilariously one of

Apr 16, 2021

On Giving Refunds with Kindness (But Taking No Shit)

“Btw, I need your advice on something!” I knew instantly what she was going to ask me. It’s the same thing that all my friends come to me for advice for. Not talking shit to boys, which was obviously my favorite past-time in college 🤷‍♀️, but rather, a different kind of talk: How to word hard emails. So we ordered a round of mango mimosas—as one does on the beach of Costa Rica at Sunday brunch—and my wedding planner friend

Apr 13, 2021

How I Got an Interview On The Today Show!!!

My first thought was: OHHHH, SHIIIITTTTTT. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! I should’ve been thrilled, but instead, I was worried about—ready for this?—the wallpaper. “They aren’t even going to see the wall,” C tried to assure me. “Just your beautiful, beaming face.” “Yeah, my beautiful, beaming face…inside what looks like a prison cell! What kind of successful person has bare walls?!” I said it with a level of disgust I usually only reserve for condensed milk and people who drive

Mar 24, 2021

What I Said to the Journalist, Word-for-Word (Got Me Featured in Newspaper!)

Remember yesterday when I was like, hey, let’s talk about getting exposure for your little biz? And remember yesterday when my hair looked like a wet wooly mammoth? (Oh, wait, you didn’t see that part. Well, for the record, my hair yesterday was seriously HAVING A MOMENT.) And remember yesterday when I was like, you can totally get your business, product, or services featured in the newspaper and in magazines and even on TV…for free…if you know what to say

Mar 23, 2021

“But How Do I Get Exposure for My Little Biz?!” <--I'm Revealing the Secret. Not THAT Secret.

I’m dying right now. DYINNGGGGG. My college friend, Andee—a (hilarious) running coach for desk-potato entrepreneurs who need to get off their ass (*raises hand sheepishly*)—just texted me a link, right? And here’s the freakin’ preview: Um, WE KNOW THAT GIRL! That was young, naive 2009 Ash—a previous version of myself that, apparently, used to look okay in red?!?!?! (I never wear red anymore because I think it exacerbates the redness around my nose. Thank you, Irish-heritage broken capillaries!) So you

Mar 22, 2021

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