Tag: Work

13 Reasons Why That Crafty D-Bag is Making More Money Than You

“You got your freaking Christmas tree ONLINE?” My best friend from high school roared, slapping her leg. She is not an internet person, like me. Then again, I don’t suppose there are many people who buy so much as their groceries online, let alone entire houses, and this is the moment when I’m just going to place this emoji 🤷‍♀🤷‍♀🤷‍♀ riiiiiiiight here—because I am guilty of both. All three, in fact. The only thing I haven’t ordered online, yet, is

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Psst—Here’s an Original, Thoughtful, Fun-Loving Holiday Script to Send Your Clients TODAY (So It Doesn’t Look Like You Forgot!)

So it’s the Friday before Christmas and you’ve PROBABLY JUST REALIZED THAT YOU ARE OUT OF TIME. I know, happens so quickly, doesn’t it? I’ve got a whole list of people that I intended to send presents to, but didn’t. Because I am an excellent planner. But at least my shriveled little heart was in the right place! If this is you…and if you’re like, oh booby tassel on a stick, I probably should have sent my clients ~something~, fear

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A Hot Sales Tip, A Hot Marketing Tip, and a Hot Book Tip Walk Into a Bar

Well hello there! A few fun tidbits on this fabulous Tuesday: Today I’m in studio recording DAY TWO of THE MIDDLE FINGER PROJECT audiobook for Audible—and my god, is this a blast! I’m documenting it all on my Insta-stories, in case you want to come behind the scenes with me. 🙂 There’s candy and drinks and take out and all sorts of hyper cool people walking around, wearing beanies and looking like they’ve just stepped off the cover of a

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A Handy F*cking Checklist of Everything You Can Write Off as an Online Business Owner Before the End of the Year (LIKE UNPAID INVOICES, WHAT!)

So, first of all: last night was hilarious. If you didn’t see my Insta stories, go watch now before they’re gone. The short version: my favorite company on the planet, Bench, sent me a RIDICULOUSLY GIGANTIC FUN SURPRISE, and I filmed myself running out into the rain to get the box and open the whole damn thing, only to laugh and laugh and laugh once I opened it. I miiiiiight have dropped about 400 f-bombs while recording, though, so you

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Author Keeps Time Log That Shows 182 Emotions of Writing a Book From Start to Finish

At least, that’s what I’d title this if I were writing about myself in the third person. You know, like if The New York Times were to feature this article. Or on The Onion! Except The Onion headline would be much funnier. More like: “Time Log of Plump Author Shows Exactly How She Got So Plump.” Which is not untrue. What follows is a literal and actual time log that I’ve been keeping since I signed with my literary agency

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The Secret to Getting Yo’ Brilliant Ass Featured in a Major Magazine

Three to six months—BURN THAT INTO YOUR BRAIN. That’s how long it used to take a baby dinosaur egg to hatch (fun facts on a Wednesday), how long it takes to repair damage to your credit report, how long it’ll take until you see SEO results, the amount of money you need to save your ass in an emergency, and, most academically, how long the effect of Botox lasts—among other notable factoids, like the length of time it takes me

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Percentage Off or Flat Rate? Memorize This Bomb-Ass Trick 🙌

I hate rules. No swimming after eating. Let him call you. Sorry, our video library can only be watched from within The United States. (Stab. Stab. Stab.) But there is one rule, however, that I think is pretty nifty. It’s called, “The 100 Rule.” And if you’re running a business and intend on running a sale—even on your undies? You absolutely need to know it.   The 100 rule is this:   If what you’re selling costs less than $100,

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Pricing Your Stuff: THE DEEP, DARK SECRET YOU NEVER KNEW

Isn’t pricing a GROAN? Like, you physically groan when it’s time to “figure out your pricing,” because WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE THE MOST ARBITRARY THING ON EARTH? How do I know if it’s right? Is it too high? Too low? Will anyone buy it? Am I selling myself short? Does the price match the value? Do I seem self-important? What if people are like, “bitch crazy.” [?] What if I ~ am ~ crazy? And how am I supposed

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The Four Paragraph Email You ~Need~ to Memorize For When Clients Owe You Money (But You Aren’t Sure What to SAY)

Recently, my friend S called and said: “Shit, balls, fuck, I’m running out of cash flow—my clients owe me money but they haven’t paid yet and I don’t know what to…say?” Okay, so maybe I added the “shit, balls, fuck” bit, but you know it’s exactly what’s going through your mind unless you’re a Mormon. Not that I have anything against Mormons, but let’s all stick to our strengths here, shall we? (Yes, my strengths are li-ter-ary.) So I told

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The Halloween Email Your Clients Will LOVE (Hint: It’s a Promo ~In Disguise~)

It’s Halloween: and that doesn’t only mean gluing a bunch of paint samples to your shirt and showing up to parties as “50 Shades of Gray” (ACE), it also means it’s a killer opportunity to run a fun promo and become even more memorable in the minds of your clients. Every holiday is a chance to make ‘em fall in love with you a little bit more, and if you do it right? You can even double down on your

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