ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

Learn More >>

Take Your Lazy Sentences And Piss Off. Politely.

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

Lazy sentences BOTHER ME.

They bother me because it's not really the sentence being lazy–it's the person who wrote it.

And if that person happens to be a business owner who's trying to convince me to spend my hard-earned, sweat-soaked, time-drenched money with them? They better demonstrate that they actually WANT MY BUSINESS. Want it enough that they'll actually think about the message they're sending me. Through their sentences. Through their words. Through each and every carefully placed motherfucking punctuation mark.

Because people that take their business seriously, take the user experience seriously, too.

And when you don't bother to take the time to make me EXCITED to do business with you? When you don't bother to take the time to help me FEEL something? When you don't bother to take the time to WRITE A SENTENCE WORTH READING?

You tell me that you're not worth buying from.

That's what a lazy sentence says to me. Hey there, jerkoff. I didn't care enough to put any effort into this sentence, because I don't care enough about the experience you have on my website, and I don't care enough about getting your business.

Period.

And if that's the case? Then you and your lazy sentences can piss off–while me and my money do, too.

Elsewhere.

P.S.

An example of a lazy sentence might sound like this:

You can either live your life, or let it pass you by.

Yawnity yawn yawn snore. Why is that a deadbeat sentence? Because it's a tired sentence. It's a painfully cliché sentence. It's overused, overplayed, and so under impressionable. It makes me think nothing of you. In fact, it makes me not want to think about you at all. Because you must just be average. Commonplace. Run-of-the-mill. Because if you weren't? Your words would reflect it.

P.P.S. (And a Z for good measure.)

I only rant, like, once a year. This was one of those times. I'd say I'm sorry, but that would be cliché. See how that works?

Jan 30

2014

Why Screaming Won’t Get You Heard.

Jan 30, 2014

You know when you’re in a group of people… …and you start telling a story, and that one jerkoff starts talking over you, hollering at the waitress mid-sentence, or answering the phone, or by turning to say something to somebody else, and then all of the sudden you don’t really know if you’re suppose to […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

READ ME >>

Jun 28

2016

How to Be Interesting As Hell On Paper

Jun 28, 2016

Agency. It was one of the first things my book editor said to me. “These parts need more agency.” And I obviously said: Like the CIA? And she said: Shoot me. And I said: Is that a CIA joke? So while furiously drinking wine and researching this new writing foe—agency—I had been delighted to discover […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

READ ME >>

Nov 16

2018

The Three-Word Trick for Giving Your Content an Insta-Boner (Ooohhh, She Said The B Word!)

Nov 16, 2018

By “insta-boner,” of course I mean something much more polite, like “oomph.” But who uses the word “oomph” these days? It’s completely out of the question. So, I thought I’d go with boner. There we have it, I’ve officially topped myself in the vulgar department. But, hey, this is how you write for the Internet: you […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

READ ME >>

May 17

2016

Poets & Killers Get Rich

May 17, 2016

There are two groups of people: Poets & killers. The poets are running around with their heart placed firmly on their sleeve, hoping that if they do authentic work, it’ll sell itself. The killers, on the other hand, are running around selling everything, none of which is actually authentic, nor genuine, nor useful. (We call […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

READ ME >>

Jan 20

2015

Clear vs Clever Copywriting is a Big, Fat, Bloated Myth (And a Scapegoat for Subpar Writers)

Jan 20, 2015

I’m a very dirty writer. Not Fifty Shades of Grey dirty, but dirty in the way that I put sentences, thoughts, ideas together. My process is wild. Sexy. Free. Undomesticated. And while I wish the reason were because I’m just such a clay-faced, crochet-bra-top-wearing, sun-worshipping bohemian soul (I am laughably not), rather, it’s because I […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet, Online Marketing

READ ME >>

Dec 14

2012

Take Your Lazy Sentences And Piss Off. Politely.

Dec 14, 2012

Lazy sentences BOTHER ME. They bother me because it’s not really the sentence being lazy–it’s the person who wrote it. And if that person happens to be a business owner who’s trying to convince me to spend my hard-earned, sweat-soaked, time-drenched money with them? They better demonstrate that they actually WANT MY BUSINESS. Want it […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

READ ME >>

Mar 4

2016

How to Stop Writing With a Stick Up Your Ass

Mar 4, 2016

One of the things I get asked about forty hundred times a day (besides whether or not I know there’s a hair sprouting from my chin) is this: Where’s the line between personality and unprofessional? Because apparently I’m known for walking the line between mental inspiration and mental institution—as every writer worth their weight should. […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

READ ME >>

I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

Enter your email address and I’ll send you my advice column every week sharing everything I’ve learned—and so much more.

But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

Privacy Policy Info Here