ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Take Your Lazy Sentences And Piss Off. Politely.

In: Creative Writing for the Internet

Lazy sentences BOTHER ME.

They bother me because it's not really the sentence being lazy–it's the person who wrote it.

And if that person happens to be a business owner who's trying to convince me to spend my hard-earned, sweat-soaked, time-drenched money with them? They better demonstrate that they actually WANT MY BUSINESS. Want it enough that they'll actually think about the message they're sending me. Through their sentences. Through their words. Through each and every carefully placed motherfucking punctuation mark.

Because people that take their business seriously, take the user experience seriously, too.

And when you don't bother to take the time to make me EXCITED to do business with you? When you don't bother to take the time to help me FEEL something? When you don't bother to take the time to WRITE A SENTENCE WORTH READING?

You tell me that you're not worth buying from.

That's what a lazy sentence says to me. Hey there, jerkoff. I didn't care enough to put any effort into this sentence, because I don't care enough about the experience you have on my website, and I don't care enough about getting your business.

Period.

And if that's the case? Then you and your lazy sentences can piss off–while me and my money do, too.

Elsewhere.

P.S.

An example of a lazy sentence might sound like this:

You can either live your life, or let it pass you by.

Yawnity yawn yawn snore. Why is that a deadbeat sentence? Because it's a tired sentence. It's a painfully cliché sentence. It's overused, overplayed, and so under impressionable. It makes me think nothing of you. In fact, it makes me not want to think about you at all. Because you must just be average. Commonplace. Run-of-the-mill. Because if you weren't? Your words would reflect it.

P.P.S. (And a Z for good measure.)

I only rant, like, once a year. This was one of those times. I'd say I'm sorry, but that would be cliché. See how that works?

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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