ASH AMBIRGE

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Take Your Lazy Sentences And Piss Off. Politely.

In: Writing,

Lazy sentences BOTHER ME.

They bother me because it's not really the sentence being lazy–it's the person who wrote it.

And if that person happens to be a business owner who's trying to convince me to spend my hard-earned, sweat-soaked, time-drenched money with them? They better demonstrate that they actually WANT MY BUSINESS. Want it enough that they'll actually think about the message they're sending me. Through their sentences. Through their words. Through each and every carefully placed motherfucking punctuation mark.

Because people that take their business seriously, take the user experience seriously, too.

And when you don't bother to take the time to make me EXCITED to do business with you? When you don't bother to take the time to help me FEEL something? When you don't bother to take the time to WRITE A SENTENCE WORTH READING?

You tell me that you're not worth buying from.

That's what a lazy sentence says to me. Hey there, jerkoff. I didn't care enough to put any effort into this sentence, because I don't care enough about the experience you have on my website, and I don't care enough about getting your business.

Period.

And if that's the case? Then you and your lazy sentences can piss off–while me and my money do, too.

Elsewhere.

P.S.

An example of a lazy sentence might sound like this:

You can either live your life, or let it pass you by.

Yawnity yawn yawn snore. Why is that a deadbeat sentence? Because it's a tired sentence. It's a painfully cliché sentence. It's overused, overplayed, and so under impressionable. It makes me think nothing of you. In fact, it makes me not want to think about you at all. Because you must just be average. Commonplace. Run-of-the-mill. Because if you weren't? Your words would reflect it.

P.P.S. (And a Z for good measure.)

I only rant, like, once a year. This was one of those times. I'd say I'm sorry, but that would be cliché. See how that works?

Enter your email address and I'll rummage around in my bag of tricks for JUST the thing.

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12 thoughts on "Take Your Lazy Sentences And Piss Off. Politely."

  1. I can’t stand lazy either and not just with sentences. But our culture really enables suck-ass writing. I see it everywhere I go and online where that’s all you have are you words I could not believe the appalling spelling and grammar, but even worse is the lack of creativity and verve. In fact, it’s a reflection of our society. Most people are fucking boring, so when we find one who is full of life and can show it in their words, we want more. Your writing is precisely why I keep coming back to this site. And the jerkoff reference really got me this morning. Spit-out-my-hazelnut-cream funny!

  2. I can’t stand lazy either and not just with sentences. But our culture really enables suck-ass writing. I see it everywhere I go and online where that’s all you have are you words I could not believe the appalling spelling and grammar, but even worse is the lack of creativity and verve. In fact, it’s a reflection of our society. Most people are fucking boring, so when we find one who is full of life and can show it in their words, we want more. Your writing is precisely why I keep coming back to this site. And the jerkoff reference really got me this morning. Spit-out-my-hazelnut-cream funny!

  3. This rant reminded me of what Malcolm Gladwell wrote about in his book, “Blink”.

    Rapid cognition is the sort of snap decision-making performed without thinking about how one is thinking. And it does so faster and often more correctly than the logical part of the brain can manage.

    In “Blink” Gladwell sets himself three tasks: to convince the reader that these snap judgments can be as good
    or better than reasoned conclusions . . . to discover where and when rapid cognition proves a poor strategy… and to examine how the rapid cognition’s results can be improved.

    And to achieve these three tasks, Gladwell gathered anecdotes, statistics, and a little bit of theory to persuasively argue his case.

    One of my favorite examples from the book that is directly relevant to this “Lazy Sentence” post is the psychological experiment where normal people where given fifteen minutes to examine a student’s
    college dormitory and only after this brief snap shot into this stranger’s life, they were able to describe the subject’s personality more accurately
    than his or her own friends.

    We all know first impressions in person are incredibly important. But it is safe to say that first impressions in print make more of difference on the opinion that your perfect prospect has of you than you may think. And you’re lucky to have a mentor like Ashley who can point out not only where your sentences are going wrong but also what to do about it.

  4. This rant reminded me of what Malcolm Gladwell wrote about in his book, “Blink”.

    Rapid cognition is the sort of snap decision-making performed without thinking about how one is thinking. And it does so faster and often more correctly than the logical part of the brain can manage.

    In “Blink” Gladwell sets himself three tasks: to convince the reader that these snap judgments can be as good
    or better than reasoned conclusions . . . to discover where and when rapid cognition proves a poor strategy… and to examine how the rapid cognition’s results can be improved.

    And to achieve these three tasks, Gladwell gathered anecdotes, statistics, and a little bit of theory to persuasively argue his case.

    One of my favorite examples from the book that is directly relevant to this “Lazy Sentence” post is the psychological experiment where normal people where given fifteen minutes to examine a student’s
    college dormitory and only after this brief snap shot into this stranger’s life, they were able to describe the subject’s personality more accurately
    than his or her own friends.

    We all know first impressions in person are incredibly important. But it is safe to say that first impressions in print make more of difference on the opinion that your perfect prospect has of you than you may think. And you’re lucky to have a mentor like Ashley who can point out not only where your sentences are going wrong but also what to do about it.