ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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3 Million Dollar Biz Deals + Sex. Except There’s No Sex.

In: Online Marketing

I have a very important piece of advice for you.

When in a foreign country lookin' all sorts of sexy at the mall (read: for once, there isn't a mix of sweat, dirt and men's cologne dripping down your neck) and the ATM eats your only debit card?

Don't storm out of the bank like a crazy person.

It's not very becoming.

Particularly when it's the one day you don't have on waterproof mascara. Because then you look like even more of a crazy person. A crazy, drugged out person. Look out, here comes the crazy, drugged out, enraged American girl! She might have a knife. Or a chainsaw. Yes, definitely a chainsaw, judging by the size of her purse.

No wonder why I haven't gotten any ass here.   *nods profoundly*

So that happened.

Furthermore, I should mention that Monday will be the day I will give up vodka forever. I spent last night hobnobbing with pineapple man and some other powerful dudes in town–while witnessing a 3 million dollar biz deal go down.

You see, me and pineapple man's thing together seems to be dirty martinis. He had never had one before he met me. (See what I do to people? I'm a corrupter of the highest degree. Here! Here's a vodka-soaked olive, and some more vodka on the side! Eat it! Drink it! Do it! What are you waiting for?! DO IT!)

Too many martinis later, I'm telling pineapple man (and pineapple man's adorable, giggling dad) how I plan to revive the entire town and its economy using the internet. I might have also swore up and down that my next book was going to be all about them–the secret (and not so secret) lives + business strategies of the most powerful men in Costa Rica.

Actually, both of those things sound like pretty good plans, so perhaps I won't give up vodka after all . (Did you actually believe me, anyway?)

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother's Blog.

Jan 27

2015

You Can’t Sell Tickets to The Titanic if You’re Marketing it as a Rowboat

Jan 27, 2015

Like it or not, people do judge a book by its cover. And that cover happens to include the words on the front. There’s a palpable difference between the words, “hire me” versus “engagement fees.” There’s also a difference between “buy now” and “apply now.” (Even though those “apply now” snobs drive me insane.) And there’s a difference between, “Cost: […]

In: Online Marketing

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Nov 30

2011

Seduce Me And I’m Yours. Your Customer, That Is.

Nov 30, 2011

So, I’m a huge salsa fan. The love affair began nearly 10 years ago, when I first traveled to Costa Rica on an exchange program. His name was Alejandro, and he was the first boy to ever ask for my hand on the dance floor. He was golden tan with dark blue eyes, and long […]

In: Online Marketing

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Oct 29

2014

So, People Suck at Talking to Each Other

Oct 29, 2014

People suck at talking to each other. I’ve thought about this post for days now, and turns out? That’s my grand epiphany. My big, profound opening line. As a professional communicator & copywriter, trained linguist, PR expert and author of that filthy blog, “The Middle Finger Project” (my hooligan credentials), I get paid to say […]

In: Online Marketing

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Apr 24

2013

Tired of Being Told To “Differentiate Yourself?”

Apr 24, 2013

Everyone tells you to be unique. Find your USP. Differentiate yourself. (Meanwhile, you’re all, “Stab, stab stab, I’m the same, I’m the same, I’m the same – how am I suppose to “differentiate” life coaching?) And so you take a drink, because these are the types of things that drive people to drink, and you […]

In: Online Marketing

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May 13

2017

Let’s Get One Thing Straight: There’s Only One Way to Stand Out from the Sea of Sameness, and It’s Free

May 13, 2017

Everyone wants to stand out from the sea of sameness—a phrase I coined years ago, right here on this blog, when the Internet first started teetering toward “me, too!” syndrome. Ask most people how to stand out, and depending on their industry, they’ll tell you something different: Get a website! Learn how to write copy! […]

In: Online Marketing

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Nov 17

2017

Read This if You Need Eyeballs On Your Stuff But Have NO EFFING IDEA HOW TO GET ANYONE TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOU SO HELP YOU VODKA.

Nov 17, 2017

I just got done doing a live video sesh with my Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends, and one author got on and was telling us that she’d recently attended a comic convention where her ideal target market was hanging out, making it much easier for her to sell her books—as opposed to getting on the giant black hole […]

In: Online Marketing

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