ASH AMBIRGE

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The Greatest Form of Suffering of All: Inaction

In: Finding Your Voice

Once upon a time, I was feeling stuck.

If my suspicions are correct, many of you reading this might feel the same way right now.

You can't get motivated.

You aren't excited about anything.

You're tired all of the time.

Lifeless. Indifferent. Apathetic.

You've stopped caring—about yourself, about your goals, about the things you used to.

You weren't always this way; at one time, you were optimistic, driven, determined, confident and generally happy with the direction your life was going.

And then it happened.

One minute you were doing pirouettes all over life's dance floor; the next, you're plopped on the sidelines, watching with bitter remorse as you witness others have the spotlight.

You know that all you have to do is hoist yourself up off of the wooden floor, strap on your ballet shoes and force yourself back onto the floor.

But you can't.

You don't know why, but you feel weighed down by something.

It's as if there's a secret ball and chain attached to your tailbone, and every time you try to get up, the force of gravity is too much for you to bear.

And so you sit on the floor.

Wondering if you'll ever get back up. Wondering if you'll ever dance like you used to. And thinking that maybe, just maybe, if someone were to give you a helping hand, you might be able to at least stand.

But no one comes to your rescue, which disheartens you even more.

You realize that it's all up to you.

You just don't know if you're up for the fight.

So you sit on the floor some more.

And maybe you cry. And maybe you get mad. And maybe you try to forget about it altogether, and just make peace with a life sitting on the floor.

Not everybody dances, you tell yourself.  As a matter of fact, most people don't dance—most people sit on the floor.

This comforts you. You decide that if everyone's sitting out, then sitting out can't be that bad.  It is easier, after all.  You expend so much less energy.  And—look on the bright side—now you'll never have blisters again, you muse.

There's just one eensy, weensy problem with sitting out the rest of your life:

You want to dance.

May 27

2017

The Anti-Trump Bar: The Way You Stand Out is By Standing UP

May 27, 2017

There’s an AWESOME new creative cocktail lounge in New York City called Coup. All of the profits are being donated to organizations being threatened or defunded by the current administration. Tips are donated, too. Guest bartenders are flying in from all over the world, no charge, to donate their services. And guess what? There are lines […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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May 27

2014

Do You Have Chickenshititis?

May 27, 2014

I have a friend named Melissa. (Yes, I have friends.) Melissa doesn’t have a job. She spent her twenties and thirties working for other people as a professional headhunter–(am I obligated to make a Headless Horseman joke here?)–before finally going back to school to pursue an advanced certification in Human Resources. And then she waited. And she […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Oct 29

2015

“I don’t feel confident in my work.”

Oct 29, 2015

Are you squinting your eyes at the screen trying to decide if this describes you or not? (Of course you are, you’re probably reading this on an iPhone the size of my elbow.) It’s kind of an ugly characterization—nobody wants to admit to feeling less than confident in what you’re doing. And yet, I’ve got […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Aug 12

2017

A Note of Support for All My Dreamers Getting Their Ideas Pooh-Poohed By Their Family, Their Friends, Their Spouses, and Their Neighbors (Fucking Neighbors, Am I Right?)

Aug 12, 2017

In the year 2010, friends would call and say: “So, how’s your blooooooooggggggg?” The tone was obvious: How’s your cute little imaginary friend that you think is going to save you from the real world that the rest of us have to suffer through? The year 2011, I made $103,000 with that blog—a far cry […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Dec 30

2015

On Becoming Unfuckwithable

Dec 30, 2015

Unfuckwithable. If you’re contemplating themes for the New Year, I highly recommend borrowing this one. Rolls right off the tongue and deep dives directly into your ovaries. But more importantly? We need this. We need this because there are always going to be days—weeks, months, years—where everything feels hard. There are always going to be […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Sep 1

2017

The World’s Funniest Fucking Soaps, Uh, Ever

Sep 1, 2017

You should know that I have officially discovered THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER BEEN MADE (after Cards Against Humanity, of course) and I had to share with you because I don’t keep anything from you (except for that one thing) and because we could all use some inspiration and also because CAN WE JUST LIGHTEN […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Sep 15

2015

Plan On Being Nervous, Brilliantly

Sep 15, 2015

Being nervous sucks. Your pulse races. Your brain blanks. Your hands shake like little assholes. You tell yourself to take deep breaths, but the minute you do, you then worry that the entire room can see the fact that your heart is, in fact, doing the electric slide up and down your rib cage. (God […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Nov 22

2017

There’s No Such Thing As An Idea That *Isn’t* Offensive

Nov 22, 2017

You know what I’m grateful for? Fucking. NOT LIKE THAT, SICKO. Although, I mean, I guess…wait. Let me start again. I like the word fucking because it’s representative of something so much bigger than that, which is the real thing I’m grateful for: freedom of expression. Remember that cute little First Amendment? It says that the […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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Jun 8

2017

A Tiger Doesn’t Ask Permission of the Gazelles to Sprint

Jun 8, 2017

Stop giving a shit about the stats. So you don’t have any subscribers? Who cares—you don’t need subscribers to put your best work out into the world. You don’t even need a website. Just start. Surprise—I’ve had a few thousand people unsubscribe since I started doing daily emails. Guess what? I’m doing it, anyway, full […]

In: Finding Your Voice

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