ASH AMBIRGE

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A Beautiful Mess: A Personal Manifesto of The Human Experience

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

I need my life to feel meaningful.

I must work toward something I believe in.

I want to create value.

I want to be bold.

I want to live up to my own expectations.

And never settle unless I choose to.

I want to be exhilarated by every single day.

And be in awe of life.

And the world.

And my part in it.

I want to trip.

I want to fall.

And I want to get back up.

Look the world in the eye.

And do it again.

Because I've realized something throughout this life.

And it's that we prosper through adversity.

I am more wealthy for having had nothing.

I am more anchored from not having had a home.

I am more connected from being alone.

I am more present from having been lost.

I am more encouraged from having been disappointed.

I am more determined from having been defeated.

I am more resolute from having succumbed.

And I am more me now, from having been less me in the past.

But most of all.

I am more successful for having failed.

Because had my failures not existed

I would not have gained the wisdom that I have now.

And that wisdom is precious.

And integral to my future success.

So I will take that wisdom. I will take my failures. And I will try my best to succeed.

But if it does not work out.

If I fall again.

I will not be upset.

Because I know that I will always get back up.

And after the rain storm.

I will be proud.

Not just content.

To be who I am.

However, if instead of falling.

It turns out that I fly…

Well, then, I'll be even more humbled.

And appeased to soar.

Until the moment in which I fall once again.

Because if nothing else.

Nothing is permanent.

It's all a cycle.

Life is a series of successes & failures, wins and losses.

And learning how to use both to your advantage.

And since I know.

That no matter what.

I'll always experience one & the other alike.

…Then in the meantime.

All that I can do.

Is be sure that I'm skinny dipping in possibility.

Every single day.

Because at the very least I'll know that I've lived.

And didn't just go through the motions of life.

Authentically.

Shamelessly.

Without abandon.

Embracing the raw vulnerabilities

That truly make us human.

Because it's that which makes this world worth experiencing.

And it is only through doing so

That I can truly be me.

A beautiful mess.

But alive.

“The successful do not pursue what's probable; the best pursue the heart-pounding, exciting, really big, difference-making dreams.”  John Eliot


Jul 13

2010

Is It Your Own Fault?

I’ve been meeting a lot of truly smart, savvy, remarkable people lately. So many are saying to hell with the safety net, and are leaping toward their passions, and haven’t looked back since. On the same token, however, so many of those smart, savvy, remarkable people are not. Frankly, this makes me want to burst […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Nov 13

2013

You Know You Need a Change When…

The year I tried to juggle 1,407 balls in the air and still be nice to strangers in the super market taught me an important lesson: Busy isn’t a synonym for happy. Full doesn’t mean fulfilled. And people are pushy assholes in line at the deli counter. All of us are busying ourselves to death—sometimes […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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May 21

2012

Fuck Shit Balls I Didn’t Finish Those Edits, Yet. And Other Stuff That Doesn’t Matter. (In Memory of Enrique.)

So I’m not sure what you did yesterday, but I, for one, witnessed somebody drown. You’re probably thinking I’m joking, because who mentions something like drowning so nonchalantly? But I am not, unfortunately, joking. And while I’m calm now, yesterday I was anything but. It was sunset, and I was with my Costa Rican girlfriends […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Nov 28

2012

Marilyn Monroe Wouldn’t Give a Damn.

Remember earlier this year… …when I sauntered over to Ecuador and had a twelve year old pierce my nose, as well as agreed to having a random Ecuadorian man sit on top of me on the beach to doodle all over my back with a mysterious black, sticky ink? Maybe we didn’t know each other […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Apr 30

2018

If You Feel Like a Big, Fat Imposter Who Doesn’t Deserve Anything and Worries About EVERYTHING, Read This. It’s a GOOD Thing.

I’m writing this from a place that could almost be mistaken for the Italian countryside, were I not surrounded by lizards and toucans and bullfrogs the size of a fucking dinosaur. Rather, I am high up in the hills of Central America overlooking the Costa Rican valley from my squishy, pancake lounger—it sort of reminds me of […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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