ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Your Marketing Isn’t Working Because It’s an Arrogant, Selfish Blowhard.

In: Online Marketing

If you feel like no one's paying attention to you, go hang out at any sports stadium.

Because if you go to the stadium, you'll know what it's like to be smashed up against 100,000 assholes in blue face paint chanting olé! olé! olé! olé! And you'll instantly know what the main attraction is.

Not the game. The experience of being at the game.

And with that experience comes my favorite person of all: The beer guy.

As soon as you sit down, you're tripping over yourself to frantically flag down the beer guy for a wiener and a couple of cold ones. (For double fisting and other classy acts, of course.) The beer guy is the most sought after dude in the entire stadium. You know what kind of leg cramps that guy probably gets, running up and down those steps?

Now, contrast that with some blowhard in aisle 5 who suddenly gets up and starts yelling, “Hey everybody, pay attention to me! PAY! ATTENTION! TO! ME!” He might get an annoying stare or two before people ignore him altogether. Nobody wants to listen to that guy. And he certainly won't command the attention of the entire stadium.

The difference between these two folks is simple: One has something you want. The other just thinks he does.

And that's just common sense. Yet, it's not always common sense when it comes to business.

When most people market themselves, they put up a website and act like the guy in aisle five, screaming for the world to pay attention to them. “Buy my stuff!” “Sign up for my newsletter!” “Like my Facebook page!” But they haven't earned the right to be paid attention to.

You don't want to be that guy. That guy has daddy issues.

Rather, you want to be the beer guy. The guy everybody's clamoring over. The guy in demand. The guy who doesn't need to scream and shout for attention, because he's already got it. Why?

Because he's got something people want.

When you do anything for your business, consider: Is this something people actually want?

If you're sending out hundreds of old-school postcard mailers, are you doing that because that's what people want? Or because that's what you want? (Likely because you don't know what else to do, so at least this makes you feel like you're doing something, right?)

If you're shoving “newsletter updates” down people's throats, is that something people actually want? “Newsletter updates?”

If you're writing a blog post, is it information people will actually want?

In other words, WHAT'S IN IT FOR THEM?

If the privilege of doing business with you is all you've got, that's not good enough.

Start imagining the internet like a big giant stadium, and continually ask yourself whether what you're doing is something people will actually want, or if you're being guy in aisle 5 about it.

Because even the people chanting olé at least are entertaining.

But the only person paying attention to the guy in aisle five?

Is the security guard.

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So I buy these B12 supplements the other day—BECAUSE APPARENTLY MY BODY IS ALL, OH, VITAMIN B, HAHA, THAT’S CUTE—and it comes in this sturdy little bottle that feels very important, and I’m all excited because obviously I think that I’m doing a good deed slash being a responsible adult. So I go to open […]

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Last night, I bought three tubes of something called Butt Paste.  You’re probably thinking the same thing that the 19 year old male cashier was. Try making that transaction with a straight face. But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, after all. And this girl is headed to The Bahamas tomorrow with […]

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2011

A Non-Cheesy Approach to Trusting Yourself More + Sucking Less

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If I could identify one statement that you’re bound to roll your eyes at, it’s “Trust yourself.”– Because here’s the thing: Most of us, including myself at times, don’t know how to trust ourselves. We see that advice, and automatically file it away into the “cheesy, fluffy, woo-woo” category, the same as we might, “Just be […]

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Feb 19

2014

Are You Peeing In The Sea of Sameness?

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I was disgusted. She was the 11th person to pass by trying to peddle the same exact selection of sunglasses that ten other people had peddled just seconds before. “Senorita?” she said, tapping me on the shoulder from behind my table once more. I ignored her once more. She circled around me in case I […]

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Jan 19

2012

I Want You. Now.

Jan 19, 2012

…yeah, you. Not so much in the, take-me-to-bed-tiger kind of way (that’s tomorrow. really. just wait.), but in a I-want-to-know-what-you-think kind of way. Not about the ozone. Or how much profanity I use. Or the fact that I apparently suck at responding to emails. (Shhhhhhhhh. I’m getting better!) I want to know what you think […]

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Oct 29

2012

Sexy Matters. Whether You Like It Or Not.

Oct 29, 2012

Sexy matters. We hate to think that’s true. We look at the girl strutting down the sidewalk, who’s obviously “trying too hard,” and we silently disapprove. But it’s not because she’s trying too hard. It’s because she makes us feel inferior.  To soothe our egos, we immediately start telling ourselves the story that we’re “better,” […]

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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