ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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The Woman Whose Ass We All Should Be Kissing

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

If I had a foghorn, do you know what I'd shout?

(Besides how I'll never understand why so many people think that God is actually a compelling justification for their particular policy preferences. /rant)

What I'd really shout—what I truly believe our people desperately need to hear—is this and this alone:

The well-being of our world urgently depends on our ability to respect the time we've been given on it.

Time is only on your side until you betray her, when you no longer acknowledge the beauty of the gift she has given you, but cast it aside in favor of greed, excess & misplaced lust.

She is the equivalent of a gracefully aged, profoundly wise Turkish woman, wrapped in the richest of royal purple cloaks adorned with the most regal of ruby earrings that dangle delicately, but with intention, from her earlobes. Her piercing green eyes sparkle with determination; a reflection of her fearless, yet stubborn character.

Time is kind when you honor her.

But she will turn on you at a moment's notice.

The minute you turn your back on her.

It is then that she will become fickle.

She will become indifferent.

And unapologetic.

And her revenge will be to speed up your time on earth, so fast that your curse will be to wake up one day, and suddenly realize that your life has passed you by without so much as your participation.

And she will laugh.

Because with her, she doesn't give second chances.

She will not give the gift again.

So I say to you—I caution you—to cherish her & her generosity. Appreciate her & her offering to you.

And do not let her gift go unnoticed.

Far too often, we willingly surrender our time—our most precious of resources—without so much as a second thought, be it in the name of more money or out of some false notion of obligation.  We take its seeming endless nature for granted, assuming there'll always be time for us later.

The problem is that there is no such thing as later—”later” is an imaginary concept that's really nothing more than an optimistic hope, at best.

Now, on the other hand, is very real.

You can be certain of that.

So drop whatever you're doing—whatever nagging thing that's on your to-do list that seems important—and do something that actually is important.

That something is you.

The well-being of the world is depending on it.

Dec 20

2012

Always Do. You’ll Be Glad You Did.

Dec 20, 2012

If you walked in the door right now, I don’t know if I’d run and hug you hard, or if you’d seem like a stranger now. I’d like to think that I’d hug you. I’d like to think that I’d bury my face into your chest and you’d smell like your old cologne–which kind, I […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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May 21

2012

Fuck Shit Balls I Didn’t Finish Those Edits, Yet. And Other Stuff That Doesn’t Matter. (In Memory of Enrique.)

May 21, 2012

So I’m not sure what you did yesterday, but I, for one, witnessed somebody drown. You’re probably thinking I’m joking, because who mentions something like drowning so nonchalantly? But I am not, unfortunately, joking. And while I’m calm now, yesterday I was anything but. It was sunset, and I was with my Costa Rican girlfriends […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Mar 30

2017

When Following the Crowd is GOOD FOR YOU.

Mar 30, 2017

So the other day, it happened. There was one person stubborn enough to finally coerce me into doing the one thing I’d promised I’d never do. I’d hedged for many painful weeks. (Okay, fine, months.) I’d squirmed and I’d squithered (new favorite word) and I’d writhed and I’d wriggled. And yet, she kept asking. “Today […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Aug 30

2015

Big Things Don’t Happen in Big Ways

Aug 30, 2015

. That dot is where you are. ——–>           . This dot is where you want to be. (Which makes me sound like a woman named Bonnie with big hair in a cheesy 1985 Visa commercial, but alas, I’m just a woman named Ash with big hair in 2015.) People have […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Oct 25

2018

Be Brave, Courageous, Interesting, Crazy, Difficult, Weird, and Downright Complicated. But Don’t You Ever Be Normal.

Oct 25, 2018

You know what’s fucked up? Normal. Normal is so fucked up. For example, it’s normal for expats to drink daily in Costa Rica. This is a terrible idea, and yet, because it’s done over and over again, it’s become normalized. NO ONE WILL GIVE YOU THE STINK EYE FOR SLUGGING A BEER AT 10AM, Y’ALL. […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

Enter your email address and I’ll send you my advice column every week sharing everything I’ve learned—and so much more.

But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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