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My first thought was: OHHHH, SHIIIITTTTTT. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! I should’ve been thrilled, but instead, I was worried about—ready for this?—the wallpaper. “They aren’t even going to see the wall,” C tried to assure me. “Just your beautiful, beaming face.” “Yeah, my beautiful, beaming face…inside what looks like a prison cell! What kind […]
Remember yesterday when I was like, hey, let’s talk about getting exposure for your little biz? And remember yesterday when my hair looked like a wet wooly mammoth? (Oh, wait, you didn’t see that part. Well, for the record, my hair yesterday was seriously HAVING A MOMENT.) And remember yesterday when I was like, you […]
I’m dying right now. DYINNGGGGG. My college friend, Andee—a (hilarious) running coach for desk-potato entrepreneurs who need to get off their ass (*raises hand sheepishly*)—just texted me a link, right? And here’s the freakin’ preview: Um, WE KNOW THAT GIRL! That was young, naive 2009 Ash—a previous version of myself that, apparently, used to look […]
THANKS TO MY INDUSTRY, I say the word “magnet” far more than I’d like. It’s never not reminded me of “maggot,” so yes, I think about housefly larvae rather often. Lead maggots. Lead magnets. …I really wanna say maggot. Then again, some lead magnets really are lead maggots—as in, they are these tiny little turds […]
So the other day I’m eating a giant meat kabob (not a euphemism) at a restaurant in Central America, when the manager— a dear friend whom I happen to know have gotten drunk with in my twenties—came over to jingle all the bells (also not a euphemism), talk shop, and send me off with a proper […]
Repeat after me: You are not a bother. You are not a bother. You are not a bother. You are not a bother. You are not a bother. YOU ARE NOT A BOTHER. You’re doing me a favor by being there. You’re doing all of us a favor by bringing your work into the world. […]
What are you the poster child for? Now this is a great fucking question. I like it because it cuts straight to the meat—none of this “if you were a flying pony, what color would your saddle be?” nonsense. If you’re trying to brand yourself—or, hey, even figure out the theme of your work, your […]
“Make 50% of the population hate you.” My editor reminded me of this the other day when we were talking about the main argument of my book. (And then I immediately wanted to tongue her.) Because that’s what arguments do, after all: they stand in opposition to something. They take a stand, plant their flag, […]
Tiffany’s doesn’t try to sell diamonds to a sixteen-year-old girl. Nor are they offended, nor worried, when teens aren’t flocking to their stores. Tiffany’s knows that sixteen-year-old girls most definitely aren’t their market. And I also imagine that, were a sixteen-year-old girl to proclaim that Tiffany’s sucks absolute DONKEY BALLS, they wouldn’t take it to […]
So you know I’ve been high as a kite on books since THE BIG BOOK DEAL (which I have no shame in saying in big, obnoxious capital letters, not even a little bit) and I’ve already been having all sorts of crazy visions of book tours that, instead of taking me to all the big cities, takes me to […]
