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THANKS TO MY INDUSTRY, I say the word “magnet” far more than I’d like. It’s never not reminded me of “maggot,” so yes, I think about housefly larvae rather often. Lead maggots. Lead magnets. …I really wanna say maggot. Then again, some lead magnets really are lead maggots—as in, they are these tiny little turds […]
So the other day I’m eating a giant meat kabob (not a euphemism) at a restaurant in Central America, when the manager— a dear friend whom I happen to know have gotten drunk with in my twenties—came over to jingle all the bells (also not a euphemism), talk shop, and send me off with a proper […]
Repeat after me: You are not a bother. You are not a bother. You are not a bother. You are not a bother. You are not a bother. YOU ARE NOT A BOTHER. You’re doing me a favor by being there. You’re doing all of us a favor by bringing your work into the world. […]
What are you the poster child for? Now this is a great fucking question. I like it because it cuts straight to the meat—none of this “if you were a flying pony, what color would your saddle be?” nonsense. If you’re trying to brand yourself—or, hey, even figure out the theme of your work, your […]
“Make 50% of the population hate you.” My editor reminded me of this the other day when we were talking about the main argument of my book. (And then I immediately wanted to tongue her.) Because that’s what arguments do, after all: they stand in opposition to something. They take a stand, plant their flag, […]
Tiffany’s doesn’t try to sell diamonds to a sixteen-year-old girl. Nor are they offended, nor worried, when teens aren’t flocking to their stores. Tiffany’s knows that sixteen-year-old girls most definitely aren’t their market. And I also imagine that, were a sixteen-year-old girl to proclaim that Tiffany’s sucks absolute DONKEY BALLS, they wouldn’t take it to […]
So you know I’ve been high as a kite on books since THE BIG BOOK DEAL (which I have no shame in saying in big, obnoxious capital letters, not even a little bit) and I’ve already been having all sorts of crazy visions of book tours that, instead of taking me to all the big cities, takes me to […]
When the lottery wants to drum up business, they don’t raise the odds. They raise the jackpot. Why? Because people don’t buy odds. They buy fantasies. They buy the ability to get drunk on a dream. Which, of course, goes back that old hat argument of emotion versus logic. Time and time again, this has proven […]
I just got done doing a live video sesh with my Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends, and one author got on and was telling us that she’d recently attended a comic convention where her ideal target market was hanging out, making it much easier for her to sell her books—as opposed to getting on the giant black hole […]
One of our subscribers created this video, recently, to promote her business—and HOLY FUCK. That is all I want to say, over and over and over again. Holy. Fuck. (Which is obviously the best testament there is.) If you’ve ever doubted the fact that emotion sells, I challenge you to think again. Because anyone can start […]
