Lather up.
Choose the perfume-scented body lotion.
Put every last hair into place.
Rock your most exquisite piece of clothing.
Wink at yourself in the mirror.
Pull out the stops.
Look fucking smashing.
And then get to work.
“THAT’S GENIUS!” said a lot of really sweet people really big brown nosers after the launch of Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends last week. Except they weren’t giving me the compliment because of what it contained, but rather, because of what it didn’t. “You mean you aren’t inundating everyone with another Facebook group? No forums? No Google […]
I want to find a way to say wanker in this post, but since I’m not British, it feels a little unethical. Like I’m stealing words that don’t belong to me. I’m not sure why I want to say wanker; I’m not angry in the least. But now that I think of it, a few things […]
1. The first thing on the No B.S. Business Blacklist? Putting up an auto-responder that tells all of your customers that “in the name of productivity” you’re only checking your email at 7am, 12pm and 4pm. Can everybody that’s doing this go fuck themselves, please? I don’t care about your personal time tables, and you’re wasting […]
You can smell the desperation. You see folks running sideways all over the internet trying to get noticed, be bigger, get heard. But there’s a simple truth that a lot of people forget: If your message is weak, no one’s going to care, no matter how loudly you parade yourself around. Have you ever had […]
So you started a business and before you knew it you were regularly lip syncing to Gaga while kicking ass, taking orders, AND taking names—which, for the record, I hear is a mafia term. Isn’t that delightful? Suddenly, you found yourself with an extra $5 and immediately shouted to no one in particular, “I’m going to reinvest […]
“Good afternoon, ma’am!” he cheerfully exclaims. I look up from my menu at the outdoor cafe, and I’m greeted by the eager, smiling face of a young boy. One of his front teeth is noticeably chipped in half, but that doesn’t stop him from beaming with uninhibited enthusiasm as he carefully lays down 5 sheets […]
Alright, it’s time we had a talk about your goodies. I’ve seen free goodies being offered all over the internet for year after (painful) year, and I really have to wonder: Are they honestly as good as Ciara’s? Kidding. We both know that’s impossible. Have you seen her abs? Regardless, if you’ve ever caught yourself writing, “Sign up […]
Marriage scares the *#$^!&*(±*@&%^$*#@(±!!)!)!%&@# out of me. As a matter of fact, it scares me so much, there should really be some of these in there: ¡¿¡¿ (For once, buying my Macbook in South America, and having the corresponding Spanish keyboard, paid off. Look at that sexy upside down punctuation! You like them papayas? Do ya? […]
Being your own boss is infinitely harder than having a boss, and by infinitely (which is a pain in the ass to spell), I mean 17,929,531.9045 times harder. Exact math. The next time I hear someone say that they want to be their own boss, I’m going to take the nearest rotten pork chop and slap […]
I track every single minute of my time. I can tell you exactly how many hours I’ve been writing my new book, exactly how many hours I write for this blog, exactly how many hours I dedicate to creating our courses, even how many hours a word branding project takes me, start to finish, on the […]
You know how you get good at stuff? You give a shit. You give a shit some more. And you give so much of a shit, that soon, your clients give a shit about you, too. You become an indispensable part of someone’s business or life. You think of the details some other jackal missed. You […]
A person, going into business for themselves for the first time: How can I get found? The Internet: Start a newsletter! Person: What, like a weekly bulletin? The Internet: No, like a newsletter. Person: So, like, write a bunch of updates about me, me, and me? The Internet: Yeah! A newsletter! Person: Every week? The […]
Join The Middle Finger Project mafia—over 75,000+ disobedient humans strong—and as a welcome gift (which I promise won’t be a thug named Vinny), I’ll send you a top secret discount code for our best-selling courses, kits and workshops. Because #SOLIDARITY.
It’s free, and you’ll also get new posts every week, plus at least one GIF of Betty White for the win.
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