Knowing How You Spend Your Time Is Just as Important As Knowing How You Spend Your Money

IN: Business 101, Productivity

I track every single minute of my time. I can tell you exactly how many hours I’ve been writing my new bo, exactly how many hours I write for this blog, exactly how many hours I dedicate to the Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends mastermind, even how many hours a word branding project takes me, start to finish, on the ightful occasion when I do these—including phone calls, e correspondence, and administrative tasks like sending contracts and invoices. I do this, not because

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Businesses Are Like Books: The Best Ones Actually SAY Something

IN: Branding, Business 101

The best bos are those that say something. That make a statement. Draw conclusions. Make connections. Contribute something new to the discussion. Otherwise, what’s the point in writing it? I think we can all agree that nobody wants to read bo after bo that regurgitates the same exact thing that they’ve read before. The same thing applies to business. If you lo at your business as a story, is it one worth reading?

The Top 10 Commandments of Becoming Unf*ckwithable

IN: Business 101, Life, Success

Thou shall not wait for an imaginary endorsement from The Committee of True and Actual Greatness to affirm that you’re good enough to put your work out there. The traditional meritocracy meant that you could work your way up the ladder—but you’d have to wait for some creep to give you permission to climb each rung. From promotions at work, to having your art featured, to getting your own magazine column, to speaking on the topic of Teletubbies (or, hey,

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The Noodle Test: Is Your Business Idea Any Good?

IN: Branding, Business 101

When you’re weighing out your business ideas, do not cave to the pressure of having to do something new. You do not have to be the first—you just have to be the only. There’s a difference. If you think about it, there are plenty of restaurants using all the same ingredients. After all, there are only so many types of pasta. But new and upcoming restaurants don’t need to invent a brand new kind of noodle—they just have to take an existing

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Burnout Doesn’t Come From Your Business

IN: Business 101, Hard Stuff

At one point or another, you’ll question your work. You’ll question what you do, and whether you like doing it, and you’ll wonder if you’re on the right path, after all. At one point or another, you’ll be convinced that you hate your work. You’ll be disappointed by clients, discouraged by logistics, and burnt out from the routine of it all. And then you’ll remember. One client will remind you. One project will invigorate you. One spark will blow your

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How Do You Make People Care About Your Work—Even When Your Work Is Lofty, Intangible, and Abstract as F***?

IN: Business 101, Marketing

I’m working with a client, right now, who wants to sell emotional intelligence. That’s the result you get when you work with her. EQ, instead of IQ. And emotional intelligence is actually really, really important. It’s one of the biggest predictors of success, believe it or not. She’s read the literature. I’ve read the literature. The pope’s read the sweet, sweet literature. So the question then becomes: How do we make other people care? The problem, of course, is that

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Where’s The Money, Honey?

IN: Business 101, Money Talk

You ever walk through the first-class section of an airplane and think, “Who are these fucks?” I’ll tell you who they are: The people that make up to 50% of an air’s revenue. Fifty percent! Which is striking since, you know, there are, like, five seats up there, compared to the bajillion the rest of us low-lifes sit in. But isn’t that telling? An air makes 50% of its revenue from 20% or less of its seats—which is precisely why

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Freedom From the Overwhelm: It’s a Thing, and It’s Possible. I Shit You Not.

IN: Business 101, Productivity, Success

The other day my project manager and I were talking about a project I really wanted to work on. Doing so, however, would require me to show up every single week at the same time. “Are you sure you want to commit to that?” she said, hesitantly. “Think freedom.” I didn’t even have to consider my response. “Giving myself a schedule is the only way I am free,” I said. “It means that the rest of my time is really

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The Hot Dog Theory of Money (And How to Ask For It With Ease)

IN: Business 101, Clients, Communication, Confidence, Selling

I have a theory about money, and it goes like this: If you were selling hot dogs at a hot dog stand, and some guy walked up and asked you how much a hot dog cost, would you hem and haw and say to the guy: “Uh, well, let me see…usssssuually I charge between one dollar and three dollars-ish—yeah, that’s right—but since this is your first time buying a hot dog from me, I’m happy to work with you on

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How to Engineer an Effective Bribe—And Get the World to Do What You Want

IN: Business 101, Marketing, Selling

Think about what makes for a great bribe. If you swing by the makeup counter at Nordstrom’s and the sales associate tells you that if you spend $100, she’s going to—drum roll—“give you something special,” that makes for a terrible bribe, because “something special” could be a used Q-Tip, for all we know, and if we don’t know what it is, we can’t want it. Similarly, if you found yourself face-to-face with a dirty cop in rural Nevada, you probably

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“Oh Crap! What if I’m New At This + Don’t Have Any Testimonials?!”

IN: Business 101, Confidence, Selling

  CONFESSION: I’m about to share something and be a bad, bad girl. Okay, fine, I’m not really a bad girl (it’s only Thursday, after all) but I am about to share an excerpt from the column that I write exclusively for my Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends, because I THINK THIS TOPIC IS THAT IMPORTANT. Here was the question that was sent in: I am about to embark on giving my first set of free 20-minute coaching calls (with no sales pitch)

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How to Start a Blog (Without Wanting to Kill Yourself) [PART II]

IN: Business 101, Creating, Writing

Want to start a blog? Read Part I of this series first! So this morning when I was sitting here loing like an absolute homeless person, I was doing what I do every morning: tiptoeing into my brain and and dragging memories out with a sledgehammer, AKA WRITING. I do this every morning for no less than three hours, but very often five or six, because once I get going, it’s like prying a teenager away from a Playstation. (Seriously,

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How to Start a Blog (Without Wanting to Kill Yourself)

IN: Business 101, Creating, Writing

  I GIVE UP: WHERE IS EVERYBODY?! In 2009 I started this blog and I remember thinking that pretty soon EVERYONE was going to be doing it—My friends! My rs! My former teachers! That neighbor with the soupy ass! (sweatpants can be evil)—and the gig was going to be up, because I HAD DISCOVERED THE SECRET TO ALL THE THINGS (not to mention making my first $103,000 that year—which, trust me, was a f*ck ton back then). I remember thinking:

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Personal Sovereignty + Giving Yourself Options + Who Needs a Vodka?

IN: Business 101, Creating, Hard Stuff, Success

So that happened this week. There’s a lot that could be said, and a lot I’ll refrain from saying, but I did want to send a courtesy note to say, first of all, that my new on business mentorship program is still moving forward—and starts tomorrow—and second, that holy moly, it’s about so much than your career. You know, I’d never thought too much about on business as something that could save the world—at least, not in much

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Unf*ckwithable BOSS | Online Business Development Program

IN: Business 101, Confidence, Creating, Marketing, Money Talk, Selling, Success, Video

*enthusiastic drum roll por favor*  Just kidding. I’d actually like an electronic harp, please. (Obviously superior.) Ladies, gents, and pandas, it is my pleasure to announce that the all-new Unf*ckwithable Boss On Business Development Program is now officially open. If you ever wished that you and I could put our heads together over a bottle of wine, and work together for a series of weeks ing in hard and creating—or overhauling—your on business from start to finish, A-Z, this is for you. As

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UNF*CKWITHABLE BOSS: Red Hot, Brand New, Business Development & Refinery Program. Now Open for Enrollment!

IN: Branding, Business 101, Clients, Communication, Confidence, Creating, Hard Stuff, Life, Marketing, Money Talk, Productivity, Selling, Success, Writing

Hang onto your pumpkin loafs! (By which I mean, eat all the pumpkin loaf and then get yo’ glasses on, because there’s big news in the house today.) My brand-new business mentorship program has just rolled up in a Cadillac and is currently swigging vodka before making its debut onto the red carpet. It’s called UNF*CKWITHABLE BOSS, and it’s here to change the face of modern work forever. Unconventional name? Check. Unconventional purpose? Double check. If you’ve been thinking about striking

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The DIRTY 30 COMMANDMENTS of Working for Yourself: How to Slay Like an Unf*ckwithable Boss

IN: Business 101, Success

When negotiating, put on your big girl pants and start with your BIG ask. What’s the most important thing you *really* want out of this? People usually start with their little asks, and then build up to the big one, because they’re scared to death and trying to warm up to it. But, the other side wants you to do that. They’ll happily throw in your little ones, so when you make your big ask—the thing you really wanted (that

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$199 vs $200: The difference of a dollar is never just the difference of a dollar.

IN: Business 101, Money Talk, Selling, Success

I was recently told a story about a man named Uncle Bill who went to Colombia, stayed in a hostel, and climbed the ladder into his bunk—even after the four bottles of wine. Uncle Bill wasn’t your average uncle, though. Uncle Bill was eighty-nine years old. Which sounds like a lot, when you say it out loud, right? Eighty nine! What?! But you know what it sounds less than? Ninety. One sounds pretty old, but not as old as ninety. Once you

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A Dead Simple Way to Write a Creative Bio (Without Crying) (Or Wall Punching) (Awkward, You Guys)

IN: Business 101, Creativity, Writing

Most people dread introducing themselves in general, but ask someone to introduce themselves in writing, and you’ve just added another unwelcome layer of pressure: Now you’ve got to WRITE WELL ON TOP OF IT. And, you know, say witty things. That you’re committing to paper. While being judged by everyone who reads it. Because isn’t that what reading really is? A bunch of strangers JUDGING YOU. Great. This is sounding promising than ever, isn’t it? That was one of

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Do Something Brilliant With Your One Little Speck

IN: Branding, Business 101, Creativity, Selling, Success

You ever have a hate relationship with an acronym? Take YOLO, for example. Are you as ambivalent about it as I am? Like, ay, in theory “you only live once” is true (two points), it’s an effective argument for engaging in questionable behavior of any kind (five points), it’s a built-in retort when your husband wants to know who ate all the sweet potato fries (seven gazillion points), AND it labels you as someone who may actually know how

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My Pet Peeve About the Internet: No One Teaches Any Goddamn Substance

IN: Business 101, Pet Peeves, Success

I’ve been running a successful on writing & publishing business for almost ten years now. TEN. Which is like seventy in dog years, and like a hundred and seventy in internet years, which might explain why my wrists ache so much. Does this mean I get to retire? Kidding. I wouldn’t retire from this gig if they paid me; who else is going to run your favorite blog named after a crude redneck gesture? That said, as someone who is

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An Ode to the Internet’s Worst Business Advice

IN: Business 101, Humor, Pet Peeves

A person, going into business for themselves for the first time: How can I get found? The Internet: Start a newsletter! Person: What, like a weekly bulletin? The Internet: No, like a newsletter. Person: So, like, write a bunch of updates about me, me, and me? The Internet: Yeah! A newsletter! Person: Every week? The Internet: Yeah! Content is king! Person: And then ask customers to actually request to receive something I wrote all about me, me and me? The

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Entrepreneurs: When your life is fantastic and fucked up, all at once.

IN: Business 101, Confidence

You know when you have a problem? When you own EIN numbers than you do You know? It’s like—what are you doing with your life? Here you are, coin’ up business plans, when you know what you really ought to be coing? LUNCH. Because let’s face it: Just who is Paula Dean and what has she put in my meatball? Entrepreneurs are funny. You know how you know when you’re a real entrepreneur? When you actually like the torture. You

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This Bastard Was Getting Paid $10,000 a Month.

IN: Business 101, Selling

This bastard was getting paid $10,000 dollars a month. He was on contract with my company at the time, brought on as a consultant to work directly with a young (and far less wrinkley-lipped) yours truly. This was some ten plus years ago, mind you, at a time when things like blogs were for morons who liked outer space backgrounds and hot pink flashing text. (Thanks a lot, 1998.) He wore what he wanted, gave zero shits about formalities, came to the office

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You’re always going to have fifty million things to do—PLUS that asshole’s bar mitzvah.

IN: Business 101, Marketing, Selling, Writing

There’s a lot of pressure these days to be perfect. (Says the girl carrying thirty extra pounds and a dysfunctional pouty face.) As someone who used to be very all-or-nothing, over the years I’ve had to make some major peace with the fact that all-or-nothing is a gigantic, sweaty faced fool’s errand. :: How many times have you thought about getting a new website, but don’t…because you’ll “wait until you’ve got money to really get all the bells and whistles?” :: How many times

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Hey, Business Owners! Please Note. You Cannot Outsource Your Bowel Movements.

IN: Business 101, Marketing

You know how you get good at stuff? You give a shit. You give a shit some . And you give so much of a shit, that soon, your clients give a shit about you, too. You become an indispensable part of someone’s business or life. You think of the details some other jackal missed. You do things without being asked. You stay two steps ahead of your clients. You make them better for working with you. You make them smarter by working

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Business Lacking Direction? Start With the Money.

IN: Business 101, Hard Stuff

Imagine you’re seven years old, and you’ve never coed anything before, so help your Fisher Price kitchenette. But suddenly you’re home alone, and you’re tasked with making yourself a meal. So naturally, you do what any seven year old would do: You get a big pot, and you start putting your favorite things into it. Pepperoni pizza—fucking icious. Chips Ahoy? Goin’ IN. Strawberry Pop Tarts—who’s your daddy. What’s up, meatballs! Dash of chocolate syrup… Some leftover mashed potatoes… Three frozen onion rings

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