“Oh Crap! What if I’m New At This + Don’t Have Any Testimonials?!”

IN: Business 101, Confidence, Selling

  CONFESSION: I’m about to share something and be a bad, bad girl. Okay, fine, I’m not really a bad girl (it’s only Thursday, after all) but I am about to share an excerpt from the column that I write exclusively for my Unf*ckwithable Girlfriends, because I THINK THIS TOPIC IS THAT IMPORTANT. Here was the question that was sent in: I am about to embark on giving my first set of free 20-minute coaching calls (with no sales pitch)

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How to Start a Blog (Without Wanting to Kill Yourself) [PART II]

IN: Business 101, Creating, Writing

Want to start a blog? Read Part I of this series first! So this morning when I was sitting here loing like an absolute homeless person, I was doing what I do every morning: tiptoeing into my brain and and dragging memories out with a sledgehammer, AKA WRITING. I do this every morning for no less than three hours, but very often five or six, because once I get going, it’s like prying a teenager away from a Playstation. (Seriously,

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How to Start a Blog (Without Wanting to Kill Yourself)

IN: Business 101, Creating, Writing

  I GIVE UP: WHERE IS EVERYBODY?! In 2009 I started this blog and I remember thinking that pretty soon EVERYONE was going to be doing it—My friends! My rs! My former teachers! That neighbor with the soupy ass! (sweatpants can be evil)—and the gig was going to be up, because I HAD DISCOVERED THE SECRET TO ALL THE THINGS (not to mention making my first $103,000 that year—which, trust me, was a f*ck ton back then). I remember thinking:

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Personal Sovereignty + Giving Yourself Options + Who Needs a Vodka?

IN: Business 101, Creating, Hard Stuff, Success

So that happened this week. There’s a lot that could be said, and a lot I’ll refrain from saying, but I did want to send a courtesy note to say, first of all, that my new on business mentorship program is still moving forward—and starts tomorrow—and second, that holy moly, it’s about so much than your career. You know, I’d never thought too much about on business as something that could save the world—at least, not in much

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Unf*ckwithable BOSS | Online Business Development Program

IN: Business 101, Confidence, Creating, Marketing, Money Talk, Selling, Success, Video

*enthusiastic drum roll por favor*  Just kidding. I’d actually like an electronic harp, please. (Obviously superior.) Ladies, gents, and pandas, it is my pleasure to announce that the all-new Unf*ckwithable Boss On Business Development Program is now officially open. If you ever wished that you and I could put our heads together over a bottle of wine, and work together for a series of weeks ing in hard and creating—or overhauling—your on business from start to finish, A-Z, this is for you. As

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UNF*CKWITHABLE BOSS: Red Hot, Brand New, Business Development & Refinery Program. Now Open for Enrollment!

IN: Branding, Business 101, Clients, Communication, Confidence, Creating, Hard Stuff, Life, Marketing, Money Talk, Productivity, Selling, Success, Writing

Hang onto your pumpkin loafs! (By which I mean, eat all the pumpkin loaf and then get yo’ glasses on, because there’s big news in the house today.) My brand-new business mentorship program has just rolled up in a Cadillac and is currently swigging vodka before making its debut onto the red carpet. It’s called UNF*CKWITHABLE BOSS, and it’s here to change the face of modern work forever. Unconventional name? Check. Unconventional purpose? Double check. If you’ve been thinking about striking

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The DIRTY 30 COMMANDMENTS of Working for Yourself: How to Slay Like an Unf*ckwithable Boss

IN: Business 101, Success

When negotiating, put on your big girl pants and start with your BIG ask. What’s the most important thing you *really* want out of this? People usually start with their little asks, and then build up to the big one, because they’re scared to death and trying to warm up to it. But, the other side wants you to do that. They’ll happily throw in your little ones, so when you make your big ask—the thing you really wanted (that

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$199 vs $200: The difference of a dollar is never just the difference of a dollar.

IN: Business 101, Money Talk, Selling, Success

I was recently told a story about a man named Uncle Bill who went to Colombia, stayed in a hostel, and climbed the ladder into his bunk—even after the four bottles of wine. Uncle Bill wasn’t your average uncle, though. Uncle Bill was eighty-nine years old. Which sounds like a lot, when you say it out loud, right? Eighty nine! What?! But you know what it sounds less than? Ninety. One sounds pretty old, but not as old as ninety. Once you

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A Dead Simple Way to Write a Creative Bio (Without Crying) (Or Wall Punching) (Awkward, You Guys)

IN: Business 101, Creativity, Writing

Most people dread introducing themselves in general, but ask someone to introduce themselves in writing, and you’ve just added another unwelcome layer of pressure: Now you’ve got to WRITE WELL ON TOP OF IT. And, you know, say witty things. That you’re committing to paper. While being judged by everyone who reads it. Because isn’t that what reading really is? A bunch of strangers JUDGING YOU. Great. This is sounding promising than ever, isn’t it? That was one of

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Do Something Brilliant With Your One Little Speck

IN: Branding, Business 101, Creativity, Selling, Success

You ever have a hate relationship with an acronym? Take YOLO, for example. Are you as ambivalent about it as I am? Like, ay, in theory “you only live once” is true (two points), it’s an effective argument for engaging in questionable behavior of any kind (five points), it’s a built-in retort when your husband wants to know who ate all the sweet potato fries (seven gazillion points), AND it labels you as someone who may actually know how

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My Pet Peeve About the Internet: No One Teaches Any Goddamn Substance

IN: Business 101, Pet Peeves, Success

I’ve been running a successful on writing & publishing business for almost ten years now. TEN. Which is like seventy in dog years, and like a hundred and seventy in internet years, which might explain why my wrists ache so much. Does this mean I get to retire? Kidding. I wouldn’t retire from this gig if they paid me; who else is going to run your favorite blog named after a crude redneck gesture? That said, as someone who is

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An Ode to the Internet’s Worst Business Advice

IN: Business 101, Humor, Pet Peeves

A person, going into business for themselves for the first time: How can I get found? The Internet: Start a newsletter! Person: What, like a weekly bulletin? The Internet: No, like a newsletter. Person: So, like, write a bunch of updates about me, me, and me? The Internet: Yeah! A newsletter! Person: Every week? The Internet: Yeah! Content is king! Person: And then ask customers to actually request to receive something I wrote all about me, me and me? The

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Entrepreneurs: When your life is fantastic and fucked up, all at once.

IN: Business 101, Confidence

You know when you have a problem? When you own EIN numbers than you do You know? It’s like—what are you doing with your life? Here you are, coin’ up business plans, when you know what you really ought to be coing? LUNCH. Because let’s face it: Just who is Paula Dean and what has she put in my meatball? Entrepreneurs are funny. You know how you know when you’re a real entrepreneur? When you actually like the torture. You

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This Bastard Was Getting Paid $10,000 a Month.

IN: Business 101, Selling

This bastard was getting paid $10,000 dollars a month. He was on contract with my company at the time, brought on as a consultant to work directly with a young (and far less wrinkley-lipped) yours truly. This was some ten plus years ago, mind you, at a time when things like blogs were for morons who liked outer space backgrounds and hot pink flashing text. (Thanks a lot, 1998.) He wore what he wanted, gave zero shits about formalities, came to the office

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You’re always going to have fifty million things to do—PLUS that asshole’s bar mitzvah.

IN: Business 101, Marketing, Selling, Writing

There’s a lot of pressure these days to be perfect. (Says the girl carrying thirty extra pounds and a dysfunctional pouty face.) As someone who used to be very all-or-nothing, over the years I’ve had to make some major peace with the fact that all-or-nothing is a gigantic, sweaty faced fool’s errand. :: How many times have you thought about getting a new website, but don’t…because you’ll “wait until you’ve got money to really get all the bells and whistles?” :: How many times

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Hey, Business Owners! Please Note. You Cannot Outsource Your Bowel Movements.

IN: Business 101, Marketing

You know how you get good at stuff? You give a shit. You give a shit some . And you give so much of a shit, that soon, your clients give a shit about you, too. You become an indispensable part of someone’s business or life. You think of the details some other jackal missed. You do things without being asked. You stay two steps ahead of your clients. You make them better for working with you. You make them smarter by working

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Business Lacking Direction? Start With the Money.

IN: Business 101, Hard Stuff

Imagine you’re seven years old, and you’ve never coed anything before, so help your Fisher Price kitchenette. But suddenly you’re home alone, and you’re tasked with making yourself a meal. So naturally, you do what any seven year old would do: You get a big pot, and you start putting your favorite things into it. Pepperoni pizza—fucking icious. Chips Ahoy? Goin’ IN. Strawberry Pop Tarts—who’s your daddy. What’s up, meatballs! Dash of chocolate syrup… Some leftover mashed potatoes… Three frozen onion rings

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Just The Tip: Plan on Being Successful

IN: Business 101

I’m the first to promote the bootstrapper spirit, but I’m also first to promote intelligent decisions. And sometimes “crossing that bridge when we come to it,” isn’t as free-spirited as it is stupid. What happens when there’s no bridge? Sure, you can build one. But it may end up costing you significantly money, energy, time, heartache and headaches than if you had just taken the fucking flight. Plan on being successful from day one. Hear me talk about this

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Business Is a Love Story. So Don’t Be a Selfish Lover.

IN: Business 101

The only way to make money is to stop thinking about how to make money, and start thinking about how to make MEANING. By which I don’t necessarily mean yours. Do we want you to do something you ? Sure. But successful business mos aren’t all about you; they’re about what you can do for other people. What meaning can you bring to their lives? I don’t care how much you something–will you be able to create a successful

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A Note on Professional Integrity.

IN: Business 101

Let me ask you a question: Does your word MEAN anything? Are you a woman of your word? A man of your word? A professional of your word? In my business interactions with people, I’ve been left shocked–disgusted, actually–at the lack of professional integrity. I’ve hired contractors who disappear mid-project, clients who drop off the face, employees who don’t do their job, colleagues who kiss each others’ asses to manufacture testimonials, bosses (once upon a time), who make out with

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23 (Surprising) Reasons To Work for Yourself

IN: Business 101

Last week, I wrote about 23 reasons why working for yourself will drive you to drink, to which I promptly received at least three slightly worrisome es from people actually concerned for my health. All I can figure is those individuals must think the title was literal, and I’m really the hugest day drinker ever, and every other hour of my work day is sandwiched with vodka shots, to which I say, please.  If I were going to main vodka,

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23 Reasons Working For Yourself Will Drive You to Drink

IN: Business 101, Hard Stuff

I want to find a way to say wanker in this post, but since I’m not British, it feels a little unethical. Like I’m stealing words that don’t belong to me. I’m not sure why I want to say wanker; I’m not angry in the least. But now that I think of it, a few things have inconvenienced me lately. Like the fact that my Wifi signal decided to take a pee break three times during an important (first) client meeting yesterday.

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10 Uncommon Truths Every Business Owner Should Know

IN: Business 101

I’m not sure if you’ve ever served ice cream for a living, but there’s one thing you should know: It’s terrifying. From little league ball teams showing up twenty seconds before close (always a great time), to people who NEVER SPECIFY WHAT SIZE THEY WANT EVEN THOUGH THE PRICE IS DIRECTLY CORRELATED TO THE SIZE AND “A VANILLA” IS NOT SPECIFIC AT ALL AND NOW I HAVE TO ASK YOU WHAT SIZE YOU WANT EVEN THOUGH YOU SHOULD HAVE ALREADY

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Warning: EVERYONE Is a Threat To Your Business. Even Those You Trust Most.

IN: Business 101

We arrived in the pouring rain. And by pouring rain, I mean torrential downpour. Because that’s how Costa Rica rolls. We didn’t have a reservation–100% our fault–so we quite agreeably had to be seated in the back of the restaurant, in the billiards room, at a lone table, watching the wait staff run back and forth from the kitchen to the main dining room. Which, really, was than fine. Our fault. We didn’t mind. Hey–at least we were there. At the

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Reason #959 to Start a Business

IN: Business 101

Employment freaks me out. It’s hard to imagine putting all of your intellectual, emotional, and physical energy into a company – with nothing to show for it at the end of the day. Or, the end of your life. Maybe a savings, if you were discipd enough, or a 401K, but aside from that, you’re left with a former title and a few keepsake peppermint candies. That’s because when you’re living off a salary that someone else grants you, you don’t

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Life Coaching AND Boob Jobs? What To Do When You Can’t Pick.

IN: Business 101

If you’ve ever seen me after a vodka cranberry or two, you know the one thing I get heated up about the most is BUSINESS. I start saying snippy things like, “What moron wrote that on the sign?” or “Estelle Getty could have designed a better website,” or, “Who the hell wakes up and thinks, ‘Oh, I know! I’m going to open a new restaurant and serve pizza AND sushi.’” The pizza and sushi thing really bothers me. Ditto the

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Finding Your Inner F-Bomb: What To Do When You’re Having a Hard Time Being You

IN: Business 101

So last night I did what any young lady would do whose internet has been down since Friday and, as a result, is staying in a randomly-selected hotel to mooch mega-bytes: Wondered what the fine would be for accidentally stealing one of these “firm” pillows–these things are fucking impressive. Side-kicked the air-conditioner upon discovering there was no mini-bar. (Random hotel selection = bad idea.) Contemplated how much a baby St. Bernard would cost, whether or not I could find one

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