Copywriting Archives

This Etiquette Consultant Needed a New About Page: Here’s How I’d Make People Scream to Work With Her

HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there SMOKIN’ it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right—as well as one or two things they can do even better to make that money. 💵 Today, we’re hollering at an accomplished etiquette consultant in London who who is the QUEEN of media and PR—but (!) what happens when they get to your website and feel zero connection? The name of

May 27, 2022

“F*ck Doing It All”: How Sharp-Toothed Maverick Grit Can Sell Your Products to Complete Strangers

When the lottery wants to boost ticket sales, they don’t raise the odds. They raise the jackpot. Why? Because people don’t buy odds, they buy dreams. HERE’S A LIST OF THINGS THAT PEOPLE DON’T WANT: Eight modules Sixty minutes of your time A course A video series A PDF Unlimited access An elephant (just kidding, I definitely want an elephant) HERE’S WHAT PEOPLE DO WANT: Excitement Elation Power Prestige Belonging Belief Hope Confidence Conviction Faith Comfort Relief Euphoria In other

May 4, 2022

This Coach Needed a Fresh New Message That Stood Out: Here’s How I Took Her from “Same” to “Fame” in 15 Minutes

HEY, KITTY CAT—and welcome to Middle Finger Fridays! I’m featuring a new creator every Friday who’s out there SMOKIN’ it—and highlighting what I think they’re doing really, really right—as well as one or two things they can do even better to make that money. 💵 Today, we’re hollering at a coach for creatives who is a delicious red-hot smoke show on Instagram—but (!) I know we can do even more to help her convert clients. The name of this game?

Apr 29, 2022

How to Stop Writing With a Stick Up Your Rump: A Foolproof Way to Add More Personality Without Being Unprofessional

One of the things I get asked about forty hundred times a day (besides whether or not I know there’s a hair sprouting from my chin) is this: “I’m not as boring as I seem on paper, but from all those years in corporate America / Catholic school / working as a mad scientist, my writing is feeling a little…constipated.” You might even commit the crime of talking in the third person (“Jane Doe has extensive experience in creating high-level

Apr 20, 2022

Does Your Writing Suffer from Overthinking? 3 Signs You Need to Trust Your Voice More—And Outside Opinions Less

You know when you sit down to write and your brain sort of feels kind of…constipated? (I’m all about that classy imagery.) You finally manage to put a sentence on the screen, but then you backspace over the word “fucking”—because if you say “fucking,” no one will take you seriously—but then you retype the same word, wondering if you were to use such a word, whether it would come across as self-assured and bold, or lowball and crass? You decide to leave

Apr 18, 2022

3 Mistakes EVERYONE Makes With Their Homepage Headline (That Can Seriously Flatline Your Messaging)

Things that are hard: opening literally any package of scissors, planks, death, restraining yourself around a person who’s sniffling (my biggest pet peeve), realizing you are too fat to go indoor skydiving (legit just happened to me), and scrubbing the water rings off of your glass cooktop stove. Things that are harder: Writing your homepage headline when you have zero clarity about your brand promise, your brand positioning, and your value proposition. 😬 Ugh, did you just groan?? Was that

Mar 11, 2022

How to Nail Your Friggin’ Message, Once and For All, Using This Trick

If there were a richter scale of “OH F**K,” you know which two questions top the charts for creators? So, what do you do? Can you send over your professional bio? kisssssesssss LAWDY, LAWD. The two worst questions in the history of working for yourself. (That and “how much money did you make last year?” which, for the record, only entitled d-bags ask.) These are the kinds of questions that can make a person do terrible, horrible things—like give up

Mar 10, 2022

Is Your Bio Absolute Trash? It May Be Missing This Key Ingredient

You know who I don’t trust? Mean girls. The man who stole my cell phone in 2012. Iguanas (they absolutely want to eat your brains). Movies that didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds. AND…this one restaurant in Santiago, Chile, right there in the heart of the Providencia neighborhood that advertises two things on its sign: pizza……..and sushi. Pizza and sushi, pizza and sushi, pizza and sushi! That’s not even a decent name for a hipster band. I took it personally that these

Jul 16, 2020

1 Extra Sale Per Day = $3,000 Extra Per Month—And Here’s How to Get It!

You know how you sit down to write a sales page—and all of the sudden YOU FEEL LIKE THE MOST BASIC BETCH ALIVE? Like, wow, I have absolutely nothing brilliant to say, I’m a dime-a-dozen dingflicker, I sound like one giant, festering cliché, and NOBODY IS GOING TO BUY THIS. NOBODY. This kind of self-consciousness is the worst. You mean-talk yourself because you know that the words on the page don’t even come close to representing you the way you

Apr 28, 2020

3 Magic Tricks for Making Your Product Descriptions GLISTEN—And Your Sales Soar 👆

WRITERS WILL BE PAID LIKE DOCTORS. I’ve been predicting this for a long time, in part because I’m a creepy writer monster, but also in part because I’ve been watching the internet carefully for eleventy hundred years, now, and I saw the direction it was going: words are business FUEL—and businesses need more fuel now than ever. Glug, glug, chumpy chomper! (What is a chumpy chomper, you ask? A snooty, well-manicured man wearing light blue Tommy Bahama shorts with little

Apr 24, 2020

Category: Copywriting