Category: The Book

I Wrote a Book About Changing Careers—And Here’s My Advice to Donald J. Trump, CAPS PIRATE III

Walking around the house this morning looking like my best self—AKA with an oversized Columbia fleece and these really, really thin sweatpants from Target that kind of make my ass look like a bouncy miracle???—and that’s when it hit me: Donald Trump really needs to read The Middle Finger Project. Not just because of the book title—though “The Middle Finger Project” is rather convenient for the context—but because it seems like the man is in *desperate* need of some solid

read more...

Can’t Believe I Said This to JENNY F*CKING MCCARTHY

What if I shit myself? This was exactly what I was thinking, yesterday, as I was getting ready to TALK TO A CELEBRITY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. Not because I was nervous, but because I was up the entire night with the ~worst~ waves of stomach cramps—something I blame entirely on the Acai Berry Bowl I ate in Santa Teresa, Costa Rica, the day before. (I mean, it clearly wasn’t the pizza. My body knows what to

read more...

I’m Gonna Be on The Jenny McCarthy Show—YOU GOTTA TUNE IN!

YOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! GET THIS WILD TURKEY! ON MONDAY I’M GOING TO BE LIVE on Jenny McCarthy’s Sirius XM Radio Show from 11:20 – 11:40am ET to talk about the book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS CRAZYYYYY!!! WHO AM I?!?!?! Remember when she was with Jim Motherloving Carrey?! And did you know she’s married to Mark Wahlberg’s brother, Donnie, now—who was a member of The New Kids on the Block? Like, WHAT IF A MEMBER OF THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK KNOWS MY NAME?

read more...

Calling Anyone Who Wants to Write a Book!

(Like, picturing me calling you with a giant buffalo horn as I lather Vaseline in between my legs because clearly we are on the savanna and clearly my legs are chafed as we do this.) Exciting freaking news to share! We’ve just launched a brand-new product in our shop called: The Very Sweary Field Guide for Future Authors—and I think you’re going to freaking dieeeeee when you see this.     I created this for anyone who kinda sorta wishes

read more...

Our * Book * Comes * Out * TOOOMORRRROWWWW— Plus a ~Secret Excerpt~ to Download and Read! 🤩

I AM SPILLING COFFEE EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!! TOMORROW’S THE BIG FREAKING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow is when I’m going to make a complete ass of myself in bookstores all over Manhattan, as our book—THE MIDDLE FINGER PROJECT—will go on sale via all major retailers. (And if you did me the favor of pre-ordering online, thank you with all my crinkly little heart: books will be shipping straight to yo’ door and then you can tag me on Instagram and then we can laugh and

read more...

Interview Me for The Middle Finger Project Book!

Oh my. I’ve just done something terrible. I mean, good terrible, but still pretty terrible. Is that a category? CAN THAT BE A CATEGORY? For the truth is that I, Ashley E. Ambirge, have just spent a lot of money—like, to the tune of fifteen-hundred baloneys a lot of money—on something I absolutely just impulsed purchased…that’s going to seem ridiculous when I say it…but I’m going to say it anyway. I just spent fifteen-hundred dollars on… …a mirror. A fucking

read more...

Sean Ogle is a Bitch. Wouldn’t It Be Funny If That Were the Title? It’s Not, This Post is Entirely About Me and You. WEIRD.

I’m going to drown the fucker in pickle juice. Yes, that’s what I’ve decided: humiliation by pickle juice. Except it won’t really be the pickle juice that does him in—it’ll be the whiskey. The whiskey that comes in a shot glass alongside the pickle juice, as any self-repecting Philadelphian knows. They call it a pickleback, and the first time we had one together was the year 2010. TWENTY TEN, I KNOW, RIGHT? Someday I’ll be hobbling down the sidewalk on

read more...

I’m The Least Spiritual Fuck On the Planet

Not that you didn’t know that already. Which is why if you come at me with chakras or crystals or dildos scented with patchouli oil, I will make a face that looks pretty much like I have just swallowed a baby rhinoceros hoof. Which might be possible, if you could see the kind of soup I ate last night. I’ll tell you why I bring this up momentarily, but first… I’m still here in my hometown! The one you’ll read

read more...

NOW AVAILABLE, OMG: Pre-Order The Book! Pre-Order The Book! I’m An Excitable Thirty-Five Year Old Woman Who Can’t Use Her Library Voice!

I should be wearing clothes right now. I always imagined that when I finally wrote a book and made the big pre-order announcement, I’d be wearing clothes. But alas, I did not plan on making this announcement from a Holiday Inn in Gibson, Pennsylvania (where obviously clothing is banned), and I certainly did not imagine doing so after a night of imbibing pumpkin-infused spirits. (Okay, fine, that part was planned.) But as anyone who has ever worn clothes before knows,

read more...

Author Keeps Time Log That Shows 182 Emotions of Writing a Book From Start to Finish

At least, that’s what I’d title this if I were writing about myself in the third person. You know, like if The New York Times were to feature this article. Or on The Onion! Except The Onion headline would be much funnier. More like: “Time Log of Plump Author Shows Exactly How She Got So Plump.” Which is not untrue. What follows is a literal and actual time log that I’ve been keeping since I signed with my literary agency

read more...