The Blog

Dec 11

2018

Taking Time Off for the Holidays but HAVEN’T TOLD YOUR CLIENTS? Here’s a Proven Script You Can Use (That Won’t Put Anyone’s Undies in a Bunch)

Dec 11, 2018

Last week I gave you a savage script for what to say when you want to raise your rates come the New Year—without seeming like a total grabby, greedy, ungrateful weirdo. But guess what? This fun train’s just begun, because this week, YOU GET ANUTHAAA ONEEEE. It’s the middle of December, my friend, and that […]

In: Communication Skills

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Dec 7

2018

Boo-Yah, Time to Raise Your Rates! Here’s a Proven Script You Can Use (That Won’t Even Make It a Little Bit Awkward)

Dec 7, 2018

Haiiiiiiiiii! It’s December, and you know what that means! TIME TO RAISE YOUR RATES. You need to send the following email to your clients RIGHT NOW. (Like, right now. Especially because today is Friday, and this email is always served best on a Friday with a beer.) Now then. *clears throat* This miraculous email that […]

In: Communication Skills

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Sep 26

2018

How to Introduce Yourself at a Dinner Party Like a Cool-As-A-Cucumber BALLER

Sep 26, 2018

“So, what do you do?” These are the words WE ALL DREAD, FAM. Even professional communicators—cough cough—who work online and write inappropriate blog posts and whose job titles can’t easily be corralled onto some adorable fucktard pin. This past week, however, I had the opportunity to reflect on the personal intro more than ever when I found myself at not […]

In: Communication Skills

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Sep 28

2017

How to (Naturally!) Transition Into a Good-Natured Sales Pitch Over The Phone—Without Seeming Like a Total Greedy, Awkward, Weirdo Troll

Sep 28, 2017

It’s the moment you’ve been dreading. You’re there, on the phone. It’s almost time to wrap up. There’s THE awkward silence. You know you’re suppose to try and sell them some kind of 3-month package—or some other salesy bullshit—but how do you transition the godforsaken conversation?! This is so not natural for you. The whole thing […]

In: Communication Skills

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Aug 23

2017

The One Line Script That Will Help You Raise Your Rates Without Sweating, Swearing or Sounding Like a Greedy, No-Good, Finger-Licking Arse

Aug 23, 2017

When I worked in magazine advertising sales, every year we were sent a copy of the new rate cards from corporate. And every year, we account executives would then proceed to send an email to our clients that would say: “Hey, Janey-babe! Here’s this year’s new rate card for your records.” It wasn’t personal. Nor […]

In: Communication Skills

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Aug 7

2017

“…Is There Any Movement On The Price?”

Aug 7, 2017

Her name was A. She had funk to her; style. She was a bohemian turned business woman, and a proper English girl, at heart. She was tall, self-assured, and the kind of woman who refreshingly said, “no thanks” without worrying about hurting your feelings. No thanks, I don’t drink. No thanks, I’ve got to get […]

In: Communication Skills

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Apr 21

2017

My Favorite Line for Handling Angry People With Dignity + Grace

Apr 21, 2017

“Why don’t you tell me what you think would be appropriate?” Useful language for handling complex situations like: A customer is unsatisfied. An employee is complaining. A friend is upset. Your sister is angry you don’t see her enough. A gorgeous Italian man is holding a very serious grudge because you denied his advances as […]

In: Communication Skills

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[{"code":"Omg
[{"code":"Omg
yes
yes
quit tomorrow before your brain shrivels into a sausage"
quit tomorrow before your brain shrivels into a sausage"
"label":"Fortune #1"
"label":"Fortune #1"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Don't be ridiculous
{"code":"Don't be ridiculous
you SO already know the answer "
you SO already know the answer "
"label":"Fortune #2"
"label":"Fortune #2"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"If you have to ask
{"code":"If you have to ask
the answer is yes. Now buy my f*cking book."
the answer is yes. Now buy my f*cking book."
"label":"Fortune #3"
"label":"Fortune #3"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"YES
{"code":"YES
you're not that horrible of a person that no one else will hire you if things go wrong"
you're not that horrible of a person that no one else will hire you if things go wrong"
"label":"Fortune #4"
"label":"Fortune #4"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"You're a smart f*cking human and you're wasting your potential working for some fleabag named Dirk. BYE."
{"code":"You're a smart f*cking human and you're wasting your potential working for some fleabag named Dirk. BYE."
"label":"Fortune #5"
"label":"Fortune #5"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Leave your stupid husband and *then* quit your job"
{"code":"Leave your stupid husband and *then* quit your job"
"label":"Fortune #6"
"label":"Fortune #6"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Depends on how much you like working under a guy who can't spell urethra. The Middle Finger Project book can help you figure it out though! "
{"code":"Depends on how much you like working under a guy who can't spell urethra. The Middle Finger Project book can help you figure it out though! "
"label":"Fortune #7"
"label":"Fortune #7"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Go
{"code":"Go
go
go
go! It's painful watching you completely underestimate the fuck out of yourself"
go! It's painful watching you completely underestimate the fuck out of yourself"
"label":"Fortune #8"
"label":"Fortune #8"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"Yes and tell your family who doesn't understand jack sh*t to go barbeque some weiners and come talk to you once you're a bazillionaire"
{"code":"Yes and tell your family who doesn't understand jack sh*t to go barbeque some weiners and come talk to you once you're a bazillionaire"
"label":"Fortune #9"
"label":"Fortune #9"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"YES
{"code":"YES
being responsible is overrated when it costs you the rest of your life"
being responsible is overrated when it costs you the rest of your life"
"label":"Fortune #10"
"label":"Fortune #10"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"UM
{"code":"UM
YES. thank you
YES. thank you
next"
next"
"label":"Fortune #11"
"label":"Fortune #11"
"win":true}
"win":true}
{"code":"If you don't quit
{"code":"If you don't quit
I'm going to call your boss FOR you and then how embarrassing will that be?"
I'm going to call your boss FOR you and then how embarrassing will that be?"
"label":"Fortune #12"
"label":"Fortune #12"
"win":true}]
"win":true}]