I Tattooed My Eyelids! Or: On Just Showing the Friggy Frig Up
January 13, 2020
It feels like a teeny, tiny vibrator on your eyelid.
And THAT, friends, is my description of what, precisely, it feels like to get your eyelids tattooed. Your eyelids! Ya fucking EYELIDS! [Said exactly like an Italian American woman in disbelief.] Because, surely, someone who has never gotten a tattoo in her life should start with her eyelids.
~Whistles and looks up at ceiling~
I KNOW. Why do I make these decisions? But to be honest, I didn't even think about it that much. One day I realized that getting a touch of eyeliner tattooed onto your lash line is a real and actual thing, and the same day I was making a real and actual appointment—because I am all about that ease life. I used to be someone who thought that the harder I made things on myself, the better of a person I was, and then one day I woke up and realized that, ha! That is silly! Do you know what happens when you go out of your way to make your life hard so you feel valuable?
You don't feel valuable, you feel tired! You're EXHAUSTED! The harder you make your life, the harder it's going to feel.
Which should come as no surprise, and yet…and yet! All of us are walking around like, man, why is life so harrrrrrddddd? And, yeah, life is hard when it comes to things like getting contractors to commit to a project and deciphering tax form number 9465, but so much of the rest is just so self-inflicted.
I mean, jesus. You should have heard the conversation I had with myself last month over the fact that fasted cardio is supposedly better for burning fat. [cue existential crisis]
ME: “You gotta go first thing in the morning to burrrrrnnnnn fatttttttttttt!”
ALSO ME: “But I'm the most creative in the morning! It's when I work best!”
ME: “Learn to be creative in the afternoons, hoe!”
ALSO ME: “But I'm not going to be.”
ME: “Well nothing changes unless you change.”
ALSO ME: “But can't I just exercise in the afternoons? Isn't it fine?”
ME: “No, it is not fine. Go first thing in the morning or KILL YOURSELF.”
ALSO ME: “That's drastic?”
ME: “Yeah, took a dark turn.”
Finally I was like: ALL THE ASHES IN THIS ROOM, GET A HANDLE ON YOURSELF. Stop over-complicating it! Strip back all the nonsense, and just do the work, however you can.
You hear that? Just do the work, however you can.
Which for me, sometimes means just showing up without burdening myself with worrying whether or not it'll work out. Just show up, and understand that the magic is in cause and effect. I'm certainly not overthinking the barre class I've been going to, worrying whether or not it's the right exercise for me, or whether or not I'm any good at it, or whether or not I'll want to keep doing it forever. (Like, you know how that conversation goes, right?) I'm just showing up without WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER IT'S PERFECT, because I know that SHOWING UP = RESULT. Nothing else gets you there. Thinking about it 100 different ways isn't gonna get you there. Only you physically being present and doing the work, however you can, is going to get you there.
Which brings me back to the fact that I let a stranger take seven tiny little needles on a gun and hold it anywhere remotely close to my cornea. I could have thought about that decision for years. I could have researched it for years. I could have made life really hard on myself, wondering and wishing and kinda being envious of the bitches who have the nerve. But I didn't. Because I wanted it done. So I went out, and I got it done. And tried really hard not to imagine how I would never, ever get on the right train again as a blind person. I have enough trouble with that as it is.
And guess what? BEST DECISION EVER. It was so easy! So quick! And it really did just feel like a tiny little vibrator being pressed up against my eyelid. (Thanks, numbing cream.) The fact that it fades within 1-3 years was nice insurance to have, but honestly? I would have done it anyway. There is only so much tiptoeing you can do around your own life before you have to just live it.
And so I challenge you today, dahling. Not necessarily to get your eyelid tattooed—though I seriously look about 900% more awake and, bitch, I did wake up like this—but to do something that you've been overthinking and overanalyzing and overcomplicating to death for some time now. What is it? Is it:
- Starting that new side hustle?
- Making that course?
- Writing that proposal?
- Trying that exercise class?
- Offering a new service?
- Raising your rates?
- Booking that trip?
- Spending that money?
Go, go, GO.
It doesn't have to be this hard.
MAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF.
Just show up and do it.
Don't worry whether or not it's perfect, or you should, or you shouldn't, or it's the right time, or blah blah blah blah blah blah BLAH.
The fact that you're there in the first place is evidence that you wanted to be.
P.S. On the topic of vibrators, I can't resist. Please read the reviews for this one immediately. (But, like, hide your screen if you're in a conference room.) YOU WILL DIE.
P.P.S. Seriously though, trains! There is always someone in your seat! And you're not going to be ~that guy~, so you end up sitting in ~someone else's~ seat. And then they come along. And then you have to stand. And then you look like the a-hole. Don't even get me started on suitcases.
P.P.P.S. Have you pre-ordered my new book yet?