The Trick to Writing a Bangin’ Resume, Punching Imposter Syndrome in the Mouth, and the Best New Podcast on The Block (NO, NOT MINE)
February 4, 2021
MY GOD I WANT TO SCREAM.
Not really, I don't scream, not unless someone tags me in a photograph from 1996, in which case I always scream, because how exciting to find little pieces of yourself in other people's pockets? (Maybe that's why I wrote a book—so you'll stick me down your pants!) (Ugh, on second thought, it's sweaty here in Costa Rica…I don't want to be down anybody's pants.)
The real reason I want to scream, however, is because C is trying to fight with me and I am NOT. HAVING. IT. Nope, simply not having it, folks, because this is one of those instances where I AM RIGHT AND HE IS WRONG and basically I need you to come in here and referee. Seriously!
So here's what's going on.
C sold his company. 🎉
C now wants to apply for this crazy new program. (More on that later.)
C now wants to update his resume.
So he sends me this cheddar-cheese resume this morning, and first I laugh because IT LISTS HIS AGE ON THE TOP, and I'm like, okay, this cannot happen. You're so adorably Costa Rican. Let me at this. Let's sit down and translate your actual experience into language that works.
So fast-forward an hour, and one of the bullet points I want to lead with is as follows:
- Personally responsible for generating over 8 million dollars in package sales
And he is hoooorrrifieeed! Horrifed, right? Like, he practically starts wheezing when I say that aloud. And I'm like, “WHAT??!?!” and he's like, “BUT 8 MILLION DOLLARS SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH!” And I'm like, “But you did $400K a year in package sales, right?” And he's like, “Yes!” And I'm like, “Do the math!” And he's like, “BUT STILL!!!!!!” And I'm like, “what is the deal, what is this sweat forming on your brow, good sir?” And then finally, after a lot of ~weird~ huffing and puffing I never anticipated (especially after writing such a true line), the truth came out.
“…what if I sound more impressive…than I am?”
Ahhhhhhhhh, the real culprit: imposter syndrome at its finest! Imposter syndrome, even when you are fully qualified. Imposter syndrome, even when there are nothing but facts on a page.
And my god, it broke my little heart. It broke my heart because this is what imposter syndrome looks like in real-time, animated, out loud, for so many people who are so, so good. And so fucking excellent at what they do. This is what it looks like when it rears its head.
So you see why I think I'm right, right? 😇
It's my job as a professional writer to see people on a page. I'm nothing more than a mirror—and sometimes it is so hard, when other people look into the mirror, and see a grander, more beautiful picture of themselves than the one they have in their mind. Because the one they have in their mind is almost inevitably fractured, made up, invented, small, teeny, tiny version of themselves that doesn't even come close to accurately representing who they are and what they can do.
And man does this cost you money.
I love paper for this reason. I love encouraging people to write down the things they've actually accomplished, instead of relying on their memory. Paper can act as a witness—and, turns out? We need witnesses.
If you struggle with this, I highly encourage you to buy my damn book. The tagline, for god's sake, is “Trash Your Imposter Syndrome and Live the Unf*ckwithable Life You Deserve.”
And speaking of my book…
And speaking of people who are excellent mirrors…
Did you ever look at the cover of it? Did you ever see how the incredible Sarah Knight, author of The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, and allllll of the “No Fucks Given Guides,” endorsed the book?
Lemme tell you—that was generous. Do you know how awkward it is to reach out to authors you love and be like, “Heyyyyyy! Ummmmm, you don't know me, butttt….WANNA BLURB MY BOOK?” It's the most awkward of things, because you're not really doing them any favors: you're straight-up asking for one. And a lot of authors just….can't be arsed.
My dream dream dream dream dream-since-I-can-remember author to have blurb my book was Caitlin Moran—and man did I try to get her. I pitched her by re-writing the first chapter of her first book, and turning it into a request. In fact, you should probably see it—I was pretty proud of it. (It was the first time I've said the words “fungal groin infection” in a pitch.) Here's the pitch.
Nevertheless, the answer was basically…haha, silence. My British friend Hannah, in London, even pulled this crazy super spy move where she called a friend who was friends with a friend who was friends with Caitlin's assistant…and finally got the assistant's attention…only to be told, politely, that, um, no. Go away, psycho. (She didn't say that. But in my head she totally said that.)
So you can imagine my surprise and joy when one of my other favorite authors, Sarah Knight, WROTE BACK. Like…wrote…back. Herself. In full. With the coolest, most thoughtful, most complimentary email ever.
Not only did she call my book fun and funny, but that she'd be happy to give a quote—which she did, and which ended up on the cover:
“Ash Ambirge is a whole mood, and trust me: you want to be in it.”
And then she took it one step farther, and even offered to send along other blurbs in case that one wasn't a good fit for where we needed it. And I was like, WHAT! WHAT IS THIS KIND GENEROSITY?!?! WHAT IS THIS ALTRUISM?! WHAT IS THIS OPENHANDED SELFLESSNESS?!?!
And ever since, I have been madly in love with Sarah Knight. Like, even more than before. And then we started liking each other's Instagram posts! And then we started exchanging actual Instagram DMs! And then my head basically exploded and landed all over this email, because Sarah's now started….drumroll….a new podcast. And she was like, “hey, if you dig it, will you share?” And I was like: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????????? YOU WERE THE HERO OF THE BOOK BLURB CHRONICLES!!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE I WILL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR FABULOUS NEW PODCAST FULL OF SWEARY TRUTHS ABOUT GETTING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND NOT WALKING INTO THE OCEAN!!!!!!!! OF COURSE I WILL PUT ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! OF COURSE I WILL SCREAM VIA MY EMAIL BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I AM BEST AT!!!! OF COURSE, OF COURSE, OF COURSE!
So here I am. Screaming. For not just one, but two reasons today:
(a) You are not an imposter—you just can't see yourself clearly. Put everything you've accomplished on paper and watch your confidence bloom. (After the initial shock of sounding too impressive goes away.)
(b) Sarah Knight's new No Fuck's Given podcast is FABO because she is fabo and I hope you'll go check it out. (We owe her, team!) She talks all about spending your “fuck bucks,” which I love, and this bitch lives in The Dominican Republic, so I feel like we are soul mates and if you and I are friends then you'll also want to be friends with her. Fact.
God I hope you're having a wild day. I mean, it's Thursday, so what else would it be?
I've got some other *big* news on the horizon. If you're a total beginner in online business, you're gonna wanna add your name to the all-new waitlist hereeeeeee!!!
Smooch smooch, kiss kiss!
P.S. No, really. It's coming fast and hard and furiously down the pike, with a special offer in yo' inbox really, really soon. BEWARE.