ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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On My Red Hot, Sinfully Sexy Affair.

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

 

I'm currently gnawing on a big, squishy, ripe red tomato.

Right now. As I type this.

I'm forking salty chunks into my mouth as I hope (but not pray–I'm pretty bad at that) that tomato seed juice doesn't dribble all over my keyboard.

Before my current lusty, red hot tomato affair, I was getting a massage.

I woke up at 5am to write, like I do every day, worked all morning until 2pm, and then showed up at a random Costa Rican lady's home that I had never been to before for the massage.

As I lay in ecstasy on the table, in my little black bikini, there was a moment when I realized just how damn beautiful this life is. Right there, in this cracked cement-floored house, on this makeshift table covered in a faded yellow sheet with a border of teddy bears lining the edges, the fan blowing a breeze all over my tanned (and now oil-covered) skin, a flute-like version of Unchained Melody humming from the nearby boombox, and the faintest hints of the loveliest thunder booming in the distance.

It really is the little things.

And ever since my energy-fused, coffee-laden, excitement-filled One Night Stand call with the vixen-like Audrey, whose main focus is on helping women experience as much unbridled, uninhibited pleasure in their every day lives, I've been thinking a lot about it–which is precisely what prompted me to schedule today's massage.

And you know what? I'm going for another one tomorrow.

Very unapologetically.

Audrey's right–life's too short to not seek out pleasure every single damn day, and be a little selfish. Selfish, my friends, can be sexy.

And with that, I'm challenging you to do the same.

Today.

Tomorrow.

The day after that.

And the day after that. 

You're not a slave to anyone or anything. And that includes yourself.

Get selfish. Get self-indulgent. Do everything for you, and nothing for anyone else for once. Push the fuck you button on the phone the next time someone calls. Go take a long bath, and put on your hottest lingerie. And then have a deliciously scandalous, off-the-charts, blissful, sinful affair with yourself.

You deserve it.

(Probably, unless you're a serial killer, in which case…tsk tsk.)


 

Nov 22

2012

Lust, Turkey Gizzards + A Ladylike Toast

Nov 22, 2012

I blame my bleak and very unpromising cooking skills on Thanksgiving, you know. You’d think I would have gotten better from helping my mom prepare such a yearly feast for me, her and my dad. (Mashed potatoes were my sworn duty. Probably because they’re mashed, requiring heavy amounts of manual mashing child labor. Not to […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Nov 6

2011

It’s Okay If You Suck At This. Otherwise Called, “Permission to Suck.” Otherwise Called, “Longest Blog Post Title Ever Because Obnoxiously Long Blog Post Titles Are Funny.”

Nov 6, 2011

It’s okay if…you’re drowning in self-doubt. It’s okay if…you don’t know where to start. It’s okay if…you started, but want to stop. It’s okay if…you sometimes mix up your priorities. It’s okay if…you didn’t say the right thing. It’s okay if…you really fucked up the first time around. It’s okay if…you fucked up the second time […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Oct 22

2013

You Think The Stakes Are High Now? Please.

Oct 22, 2013

I wonder about people. Specifically about the 50-something woman speaking softly at the table next to me, telling another woman how she desperately wants to go abroad—because, verbatim, it would be the opportunity of a lifetime—but… And her words trail off. JUST LIKE HER DREAMS. Kidding. Dramatic doesn’t look good on me. But, really. What […]

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Jun 23

2010

Why Rule Breakers Run the World

Jun 23, 2010

I’ll admit it–I’m a tad embarrassed. I can’t decide if I’m embarrassed in light of the nonchalant display of nudity that is currently lounging alongside of me–quite proudly, and with reason, if I do say so myself–on this clothing optional beach, or if I’m embarrassed for another reason–perhaps at my own relative prudishness, something that […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Dec 20

2012

Always Do. You’ll Be Glad You Did.

Dec 20, 2012

If you walked in the door right now, I don’t know if I’d run and hug you hard, or if you’d seem like a stranger now. I’d like to think that I’d hug you. I’d like to think that I’d bury my face into your chest and you’d smell like your old cologne–which kind, I […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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Apr 17

2017

Change Is Fucking Messy (Thank God)

Apr 17, 2017

Change is fucking messy. You’re effectively molding yourself, and re-molding yourself, the way a sculptor would a piece of clay. And yet, nobody says to the sculptor: Shame on you, butter fingers, for not having it perfect the first spin. Rather, there’s an expectation of process. Of trial, of error, of slow transformation; of forming, […]

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Jul 30

2010

On NOT “Following Your Dreams”

Jul 30, 2010

You know, this whole “follow your dreams” thing is getting a little old, right? Coming from me, that’s probably surprising. But the problem is that so much of it is fluff. So much out there encourages you to start “living the life of your dreams,” while frolicking on a big white puffy cloud and nibbling […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

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