ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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Prayer for a Modern Girl

In: Feeling Disillusioned With Life

Her face is soft and at ease; serene and unhardened. She looks at the world through fresh, rosy eyes, while her lips unravel themselves easily at the sight of a stranger.

Who are those who hold bitterness in their hearts?

She walks past Round Pond, befriending the crisp July air, twirling twigs between her fingertips, taking refuge underneath the old maple.

A blade of grass feels novel under her nose; a worm akin to an alien. The sight of Queen Anne’s Lace, nearby, reminds her that little else matters, beyond nutrients and light.

She touches the dirt, the earth, the finely divided white flower tops. She grazes her thumbs over their bristly stems, marveling at their symmetry. Here, she touches sustenance. Essentiality. Simplicity. The most elemental. She touches vibrancy and radiance and stamina and conviction. She touches pulp and strength and tissue and humanity. And she touches the ever-present but necessary symbiosis between what it is like to live while simultaneously die; the ceaseless battle of permanence and impermanence; of struggle and belonging; of being pulled up while you are simultaneously being pulled down.

And yet, it is this tension that gives us life.

She sits.
She gazes.
She marvels.
And she breathes.

And as the man jogs by, intent on his iPhone, she can’t help but wonder if it is the cool, callous glass that holds his heart so hostage.

May 31

2018

If Somebody Told Me to Pick a Husband at Age Twenty-Three, I’d Likely Be Waking Up Next to Some Guy Who Can’t Spell “Lemon.”

May 31, 2018

You know why we’re all unhappy and restless and jaded and depressed? LIFE IS BORING US TO TEARS. Boredom is the devil, but most people don’t realize they’re bored. They’re busy working. They’re busy running. They’re busy doing ALL THE ERRANDS and keeping up with those fucksticks, The Jones’. It doesn’t feel like they’re bored, […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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Jan 23

2019

OH, NO, SORRY TO DISAPPOINT. All Fucks Are Currently on Backorder. We’ll Alert You When This Item Is Back in Stock.

Jan 23, 2019

So there’s this tall, spiky, sassy-ass house plant on my balcony—the thing looks like a punk rocker troll, or maybe a pile of swords, planted upright. (Scratch that, it’s definitely a pile of middle fingers. Oh, how apropos! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.) Anywauurrrrryyyyy, if I don’t water this motherfucker for just one day. Just ONE day. All […]

In: Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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Jan 7

2014

You Are Not a 7-Eleven.

Jan 7, 2014

“People need to understand what the fuck BUSINESS HOURS mean. I’m not 7-eleven, folks. I am not. If I wanted to be, I’d just run a 7-eleven. Big Gulps all the fuck around.”– Got that email from a frustrated business owner yesterday. I laughed so hard I almost spit wine on my bed. (I said almost. […]

In: Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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Jul 23

2017

Prayer for a Modern Girl

Jul 23, 2017

Her face is soft and at ease; serene and unhardened. She looks at the world through fresh, rosy eyes, while her lips unravel themselves easily at the sight of a stranger. Who are those who hold bitterness in their hearts? She walks past Round Pond, befriending the crisp July air, twirling twigs between her fingertips, […]

In: Feeling Disillusioned With Life

READ ME >>

Oct 30

2018

For My People-Pleasing Babes Running Themselves Ragged (In Which The Phrase “Suck an Eggplant” Totally Makes an Appearance)

Oct 30, 2018

There’s a dirty little question I’ve been asking myself a lot, lately—and some might condemn me for it. In fact, this question is so controversial, I suspect 50% of the population may show up at the door with axes and sledgehammers, knives and crowbars. It is not a very Christian thing to think—then again, I’ve […]

In: Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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May 3

2018

Listen: Do What You Crave Without the Guilt. Travel to Italy. Enroll in That Workshop. Make Your Art Every Afternoon. And Hurl Yourself Into the Unknown—For This Is The Best ROI That Money Can Buy.

May 3, 2018

My almost-mother-in-law gets really fucking nervous when I travel—especially when I bomb off to South America for a month by myself to drink ALL THE WINE and celebrate ALL THE BOOK DEALS. But she doesn’t get worried in the typical way a mother might; not the way my own mother would have been worried, which would […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

Enter your email address and I’ll send you my advice column every week sharing everything I’ve learned—and so much more.

But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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