ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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I Wrote & Produced TV Commercials for Seinfeld, And Here’s What I Learned

In: Online Marketing

A hundred years ago, I was in charge of writing and producing teaser commercials to let the public know that Seinfeld would soon be airing on the FOX network.

There was just one catch:

We couldn’t use the Seinfeld logo, the likeness, the music, or the footage.

Not until the date the license became active, anyway. But that would mean that we couldn’t promote it ahead of time—and that’s a problem when you need to get people excited.

So what’s a girl to do when she needs to promote something she can’t talk about?

She stops thinking about promoting Seinfeld, and starts thinking about promoting the things that Seinfeld stood for. (If you’re thinking it was a show about nothing, you’re wrong—it called out and questioned many, many cultural norms.)

I did this in the form of riddles and clues and inside jokes that only Seinfeld fans would understand, of course, each of which would air in 15-second clips that would pop up on the screen in between commercials to the tune of “Gold Digger” (which had nothing to do with anything except for the fact that it was 2006 and I knew people would start singing along as soon as the clips came on). As a result, we turned what would normally be an advertisement into a game—an early version of gamifying, if you will, before gamifying became a thing.

Because no matter what you’re selling, your only job is to get someone excited about it.

It’s far too easy to get bogged down by all of the minutia of the standard practices and the do’s and don’ts and the webinars and the sales copy and the price points and all of the other things that are making you run SCREAMING from talking to anyone about your thing.

But you don’t need a degree in marketing; what you need is enthusiasm.

The best marketing never feels like marketing—and the best way to promote yourself?

Is by promoting what you stand for.

Sep 10

2018

Know Who Your Haters Are

Sep 10, 2018

Tiffany’s doesn’t try to sell diamonds to a sixteen-year-old girl. Nor are they offended, nor worried, when teens aren’t flocking to their stores. Tiffany’s knows that sixteen-year-old girls most definitely aren’t their market. And I also imagine that, were a sixteen-year-old girl to proclaim that Tiffany’s sucks absolute DONKEY BALLS, they wouldn’t take it to […]

In: Online Marketing

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Apr 20

2011

The Secret to Client Attraction – Grey Goose Vodka, Baby.

Apr 20, 2011

When I say the words, “Grey Goose,” what automatically comes to mind? a) Purple fairies b) Your high school prom date c) Roseanne Barr d) Vodka As much as I’d love it if the answer were C, you probably picked D, vodka. Congratulations, you are correct. Whether prompted or not, most everyone who sees the […]

In: Online Marketing

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Apr 11

2014

Your Customers Already Told You What To Say.

Apr 11, 2014

“If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?” “Why is a tennis ball fuzzy?” “What is your least favorite thing about humanity?” “How does the internet work?” Can you believe this? There are innocent people getting clobbered with these kinds of interview questions in dimly lit corporate offices AS WE […]

In: Online Marketing

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Oct 1

2013

Want to Stand Out In a Sea of Competitors? Stand UP.

Oct 1, 2013

Say you’re shopping for a diamond. “You’re shopping for a diamond.” (<—Anyone who just made that joke in their head is FIRED…but also sort of hilarious.) Popping over to Google, you search for the goods, pounding out “perfect diamonds” with your click-clacking fingers and hoping for the best. The result? Websites and websites and websites […]

In: Online Marketing

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Oct 29

2014

So, People Suck at Talking to Each Other

Oct 29, 2014

People suck at talking to each other. I’ve thought about this post for days now, and turns out? That’s my grand epiphany. My big, profound opening line. As a professional communicator & copywriter, trained linguist, PR expert and author of that filthy blog, “The Middle Finger Project” (my hooligan credentials), I get paid to say […]

In: Online Marketing

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Aug 22

2017

Don’t Sell a Product—Sell a Person Their Identity

Aug 22, 2017

It’s been a while since I read the New York Times Insider subscription that I’ve been paying for since 2015. It’s $45 dollars month, so from time-to-time, I think to myself: Meh, guess I should cancel it. You know, to be a financially responsible person and all. (I’ve heard those are some good eggs, those […]

In: Online Marketing

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Jan 20

2015

Clear vs Clever Copywriting is a Big, Fat, Bloated Myth (And a Scapegoat for Subpar Writers)

Jan 20, 2015

I’m a very dirty writer. Not Fifty Shades of Grey dirty, but dirty in the way that I put sentences, thoughts, ideas together. My process is wild. Sexy. Free. Undomesticated. And while I wish the reason were because I’m just such a clay-faced, crochet-bra-top-wearing, sun-worshipping bohemian soul (I am laughably not), rather, it’s because I […]

In: Creative Writing for the Internet, Online Marketing

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Jun 27

2017

Looks Aren’t Superficial When It Comes to Making Money

Jun 27, 2017

So I buy these B12 supplements the other day—BECAUSE APPARENTLY MY BODY IS ALL, OH, VITAMIN B, HAHA, THAT’S CUTE—and it comes in this sturdy little bottle that feels very important, and I’m all excited because obviously I think that I’m doing a good deed slash being a responsible adult. So I go to open […]

In: Online Marketing

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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