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There’s No Such Thing as The Committee of True & Actual Greatness™

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired

You know what’s the absolute worst? Waiting in line at the doctor’s office.

There’s a lot of anxiety around that, am I right? Nobody likes waiting at the doctor’s office because we all secretly think that the doctor’s just sitting behind a closed door somewhere, doing wheelies in an office chair, watching the minutes churn past with glee as they browse the latest in Pinterest gardening techniques while the rest of us waste away in a sea of plastic orange non-moveable chairs, watching somebody else’s kid struggle to make an alphabet block tower, listening to some loud talker named Rog while wondering HOW MUCH LONGER THE LADY ACROSS FROM YOU IS GOING TO HOG THE SPRING 2003 EDITION OF READER’S DIGEST.

Should I even get into the joys of waiting to get off the airplane?

The truth is, there are plenty of things in life that are going to require you to suck it up and just WAIT. We know this. We do this. We do this every day. In fact, we do it so much, that it’s slowly but surely become our default setting, because it’s easier to apply the rules across the board than it is to test them in every new situation.

So as a result, we wait to be told what to do all the time—even in situations when we don’t have to anymore. Even in situations when it’s actually become a clear and obvious disadvantage for us to wait any longer. Specifically, situations like your career. Because let’s be honest: if you’re hating your job / life /  work and waiting around patiently for “something good to come your way,” The Committee of True and Actual Greatness™—what I call the fictitious organization we're all secretly waiting for approval from—is never going to run up to you and say, “Hey, you know what? I’ve been thinking, and you’re really doing work that’s beneath you. But don’t worry, I’ve gone ahead and set you up with this brand new career, and you’ll even be your own boss, and you’ll be doing this remarkably fulfilling creative work like you always wanted. Here you go, kid! THE PLEASURE IS ALL MINE.”

Never gonna happen. You can wait all you want, but that little gem's never coming down the pipeline.

So why do we keep waiting for it to?

Why do you stroll through the halls of your office building waiting to be noticed? Why do you do the work that eats your heart alive, hoping that someone will give you a better opportunity…soon?

Ironically, waiting has become the new shortcut to certainty. And since WE’RE ALL SO DESPERATE TO BE CERTAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING, we’d rather wait around and torture ourselves every single minute of our lives in favor of feeling sure about something, anything, than we would make the change / take the leap / do the thing / try something outrageous….and risk not having that certainty to fall back on.

What’s not being acknowledged, of course, is that “certainty” was never something you wanted—until the day you forgot what you did.

Apr 25


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Here’s a little something to ponder: Band Aids. What comes to mind? Perhaps a small, rectangular piece of flexible plastic with adhesive that sticks to your skin and pulls at your little hairs when you finally tear it off, bringing back unpleasant memories of your last Brazilian wax. No? I should leave the Brazilian wax […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


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It’s 5am. I’m checking out of my hotel in Buenos Aires, and I’m hoping the $80 eye cream I bought is ACTUALLY HELPING ME NOT LOOK LIKE I JUST CRAWLED OUT FROM UNDER A MOSSY, EARTH-STENCHING, FUNGI-COVERED ROCK. Mostly because I knew Andrés would be checking me out–hopefully in more ways than one. Andrés isn’t actually his name, as […]

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“Ding, Ding, Ding! You Can Have Fun Now!”

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I’m going to England tomorrow. By which I mean I’m stepping inside a long metal torpedo and sitting my fat ass down on some murky blue pleather for an exact distance of 5,429 miles across a cold, dreary ocean that always makes me wonder things I shouldn’t ever wonder. Like: Would I actually remain calm […]

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I’ve got little patience for excuses. I proactively call myself out whenever I catch myself making excuses in order to either procrastinate or invent reasons why I shouldn’t put myself out there. Why? Because sometimes, putting yourself out there is nail-bitingly, blood-curdingly, will-drive-you-to-drink, flat-out terrifying at times. It’s far easier to continue doing what we’ve […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


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I Hate Mantras, And YET—I Love This One for When You’re Kinda Sorta Shitting Your Pants

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I have a mantra (despite wanting to slit my throat upon hearing the word “mantra.”) Are you ready? My mantra is this: WHO CARES HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? GO ANYWAY. Which sounds really kinda wrong, right? We’re a culture based on f-e-e-e-e-e-e-l-i-n-g-s. But sometimes, you have to override the ones that I call false […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired, Feeling Disillusioned With Life


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The Lost Art of Quitting

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“Quitters never win & winners never quit.” Excuse me, divine gods of all Protestant work-ethic-inspired proverbs, *takes drag of imaginary cigarette* but I beg to differ. *Apathetically exhales and flings cigarette to ground before grinding it with the ball of not-so-imaginary fire engine red high heel.* We’ve heard these types of statements all our lives:  […]

In: Feeling Dead and Uninspired


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