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Are You Your Own Dream Zapper?

this entry has 59 Comments/ in Must Reads (The Vodka Soaked Variety), Slap Across The Face / by Ash

Why Not Take The Leap?

I’ve been meeting a lot of truly smart, savvy, remarkable people lately. So many are saying to hell with the safety net, and are leaping toward their passions, and haven’t looked back since.

On the same token, however, so many of those smart, savvy, remarkable people are not.

Frankly, this makes me want to burst into tears and heave a cartful of lemon tarts at someone.

I’m dangerous like that.

Being a naturally curious person, I’m prone to asking why a lot.  Why aren’t you leaping toward your passion? If you’re not happy where you are, then why not change it? What’s preventing you from living the life you wish you were?

I have this annoyingly obsessive need to know the answers to these things. We’re capable of doing so much, yet don’t take advantage of the opportunities that are available to us. By “doing so much,” that isn’t to imply that more is better, because it’s too often the case that we’re already doing so many things that we’ve created a self-imposed prison of sorts; we’re prisoners to our own lives, and we can’t get off the treadmill.

It isn’t a matter of quantity; it’s a matter of quality. It isn’t about doing more; it’s about reflecting on what it is we’re already doing, and assessing whether or not what we’re doing make sense in line with who we want to be.

You are the sum of the collection of things you do.

On the surface, that may sound superficial–I am not defined just what I do, but what I think and what ideas I have!

Sure thing, cowboy–ideas are great, but an idea will only take you so far without action.

If you aren’t willing to take your ideas and thoughts and turn them into something tangible, then in a tragic sort of way they become nearly useless. Sure, there’s some value in critical thinking by itself, but there needs to be a product of that critical thought in order for it to truly become meaningful.

Ideas are magical. They have the power to transform your entire life, if only you’ll pay attention to them and then do something with them. The only time something is “just a dream” is when you allow it to be. In this sense, we’re not just prisoners to our own lives, but we’re volunteering to be.


Top 5 Excuses (You Make) That Zap Your Dreams

Throughout the conversations I’ve been having with folks, I’ve noticed a common theme emerging. It seems as if the following 5 excuses are most popular on why people aren’t doing what they wish they could do:

1. I don’t think I’m good enough.

Someone call the self-esteem police; this one is just not going to cut it. Ever. First of all, “good” is a relative term. As long as you know more about a topic than someone else, then you will be filling a need.

Second, if you really aren’t very good at something you’d like to do, you’ll never become any better at it if you don’t start somewhere. Don’t let lack of experience prevent you from doing awesome shit; start small and build from there.

2. I don’t have the time.

Doing awesome shit is a priorities game. You’re absolutely right–there are only 24 hours in a day, and sometimes we’re limited not only by hours, but by how much creative, emotional and physical energy we have at any given time. Sometimes you’re just not in the zone; hell, I’ve been having a hard time myself getting in the zone as we work from the car. As I type this, I’m writing with my mac on my lap in the passenger seat, en route from Wilmington, North Carolina to Orlando, Florida.

I get that.

But here’s the thing: Nothing’s going to change if you don’t start making time. We aren’t super heroes; you can’t do everything at once. We need to carefully pick and choose our battles.

What are you fighting for?  In other words, what do you dedicate most of your time and energy to?  Is it helping you achieve your goals, or is it standing in your way?

3. I don’t have the money.

Money simply isn’t as important as we make it out to be. Most people assume that in order to start a business, for example, they’ll need to come up with so much capital and then find an office and then hire employees, etc. etc. etc. We start imagining all of the details, and we become overwhelmed by them. Frustrated. Intimidated. Scared. And we chicken out. We make excuses. We tell ourselves that it isn’t the best time to be starting a business right now, anyway, and that maybe our job isn’t so bad–at least there’s free coffee, right?

It’s a fine example of voluntary self-imprisionment at it’s finest.

The truth is that it doesn’t have to be that complicated. It doesn’t have to be that big. We can start moving toward our goals inch by inch, and readjust as necessary. We don’t have to start out having all of the bells and whistles; maybe we just get started doing some probono work to build our reputation, in order to find some paying clients who will help fund our growth.

Everyone started somewhere. Having a lot of money isn’t necessary to do awesome shit; having the courage to take positive forward steps is. Imagine the goal, and then figure out a way to make it happen. Don’t let a lack of funds deter you from exploring ideas that could change your life for the better.

4. I don’t know how.

This might be the least valid excuse of all, and we need to pick it up and chuck it out the window, right into the dumpster.

If it turns out that you don’t know much about a given topic, then dammit, GO FIND OUT. In the age of information, if you’re willing to dedicate a little time, then you can become nearly expert at almost anything. Don’t be lazy–this is your life we’re talking about here.

5. I don’t have a degree in X.

In the past, this argument might have been more acceptable; nowadays, however, it’s been rendered obsolete, thanks to the internet. Degrees are nothing more than red tape; in reality, anyone can go learn the same amount of knowledge themselves through books, podcasts, forums, blogs, web searches, etc.

Let’s say tomorrow I decide I want to become a web designer. I don’t need to go to a fancy design school and take out a ton of loans to do so; I simply need to get resourceful and start consuming information, start practicing, and start seeking feedback from those with more experience–not hard to do. Hop on Twitter and leverage the incredible power of networking.

Then I brand myself as an expert in X, and start taking on clients. Boom. I’m a web designer. Just like everything, there’s a learning curve, but it’s absolutely one worth riding on two wheels until you get your bearings. Obviously this might not work for all fields, but there’s a lot you can do on your own.  It’s about having the confidence to get started.

Whatever you do, do not let yourself become one of those “if only I had….” people.  You will never forgive yourself.

Be bold. Take chances. Revel in the unknown. And remember that there’s no proof that says that life was meant to be serious. Get out there and play with it. Engage with the world. See what’s out there.

And always, always, always have faith in yourself.

At the end of the day, it’s all we’ve got.

-

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Tags: dream zappers, entrepreneurship, excuses, having faith in yourself, lifestyle design, location independence, personal development, starting a business, taking risk

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  • Sunshine Conkey

    wow, just saw that I had commented on this 3 years ago. Alot has changed
    in the time. I quit the job I had then (twice) I even ended up in a
    homeless shelter in Phoenix,AZ; and am now staying (rent free) with family in NH. I
    have not had a job for months so I have lots of time to spend online…so excuse #2 is not a problem here.
    Now I just need to figure out how to make real money online.

    • http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/ Meredith TMFP

      Good luck Sunshine!!! Make that money!

  • Samanda Solheim

    Thanks for this inspiring, kick-ass post. This is just what I needed. I recentlt quit my only source of income, and while de-stressing at my Godfather’s, recieved a few nudges. Silly me tried to ignore them, or talk myself out of doing them, but of course they persisted, and I’m (mostly) quite content with my current plans. Follow my dreams no matter what. Whether that be being on unemployment for a few months(preffered), or finding a job that affords me an apartment(plus nessecities and bill paying), but is flexible enough to act(sing, model, dance, havre a life. ;D). Keep on doing what your doing; it’s very appreciated!
    <3Much Love,
    Samanda

  • Jessica Percifield

    I need to read this post everyday. Do you ever feel that when you put a question out into the universe, it really does get answered? I can’t wait to read the rest of your posts. They totally speak to me. This is like Church, but without the guilt and self-loathing that accompanies it. I want to shout, “Amen Sister! Can I get a witness!” Thanks for writing and following your passion. By doing so, you’re setting others free. Just saw a movie called One Week…the main character followed his inner voice over what was expected of him and without knowing it, the byproduct was saving a life by missing an appointment and being there to take a picture of a couple on a trip; the picture being something they could hold on to when they were experiencing a valley in their relationship. Thanks for being brave and encouraging people like me to buck up, grow some balls and follow our passion. Look forward to reading more and being the change I want in my life. Cheers, Jess

    • Anonymous

      Oh my good gosh that movie sounds amazing! I’m going to see if I can look it up here on cuevana.tv – that’s how I have to watch movies here in Chile. :) Welcome to the blog, sistafriend! And yeah- AMEN! Can I get a witness? :) :) :)  

    • Anonymous

      Oh my good gosh that movie sounds amazing! I’m going to see if I can look it up here on cuevana.tv – that’s how I have to watch movies here in Chile. :) Welcome to the blog, sistafriend! And yeah- AMEN! Can I get a witness? :) :) :)  

  • Jessica Percifield

    I need to read this post everyday. Do you ever feel that when you put a question out into the universe, it really does get answered? I can’t wait to read the rest of your posts. They totally speak to me. This is like Church, but without the guilt and self-loathing that accompanies it. I want to shout, “Amen Sister! Can I get a witness!” Thanks for writing and following your passion. By doing so, you’re setting others free. Just saw a movie called One Week…the main character followed his inner voice over what was expected of him and without knowing it, the byproduct was saving a life by missing an appointment and being there to take a picture of a couple on a trip; the picture being something they could hold on to when they were experiencing a valley in their relationship. Thanks for being brave and encouraging people like me to buck up, grow some balls and follow our passion. Look forward to reading more and being the change I want in my life. Cheers, Jess

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  • http://twitter.com/conniehum Connie Hum

    This is an amazing post! So honest and upfront! YES, people should stop making these excuses and start living the life they want to live. I admit, I made all those same excuses myself for a time. Thank goodness I came to my senses and just started doing things. It is the small steps that will lead you to your goal. Thank you thank you thank you for reaffirming all this!

    • Anonymous

      We ALL have made those excuses at one time or another. Glad to see a new face – welcome to the site!

  • claudia

    YEA BABY !! Great article, gotta tell you it rocked my morning.! thanks you !
    I’ve lived my life just like that; never knew anything about tv., and yet landed a television show, never knew anything about furniture or decorating, and yet opened a business in exactly that and made it a successful and well-known mini-empire… the key was in never letting myself indulge in the “I don’t know how, or I never studied this, or this isn’t going to succeed….all self-defeating mumbo-jumbo of the highest order….! I guess it’s much like the Nike (not that I’m promoting them!) JUST DO IT !!!
    - funny thing is, the older I get the more I have to remind myself of this and not let little niggly thoughts of negativity sneak in…. you’d think it gets easier and you’re just totally fearless and psyched after you’ve ‘taken the leap’ a few times already,….BUT, I guess we’re human and we have to always always keep reminding our selves to go out and rock it ….! so,THANKS AGAIN for that little reminder, you’re awesome !

    • Anonymous

      I would LOVE to hear more of your story – sounds like you’ve stared fear down many time again! If you’d be interested in contributing an article on the fears/obstacles/challenges you’ve faced in living the life you want, and how you’ve overcome them (or are overcoming them), feel free to shoot me an email. I run the Fear, Exposed series on Tuesdays, where real people contribute stories just like these. :) Salud!

  • http://www.hipmountainmamablog.com Hip Mountain Mama

    Thanks for this awesome post! Just found your blog and am LOVIN it! My hubby and I are inching towards living our dream…with no money and less time…but we are doing it and your encourgement is wonderful!
    Suzy

    • Anonymous

      So glad to be able to provide some inspiration!

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  • seagirl

    Great blog! thanks for the inspiration to “DO” !!!!

    • Anonymous

      My pleasure! Interaction with readers is one of the ways I get MY inspiration.

  • Sunshine

    well seeing as I live in employee housing with SUPER cheap rent, if I quit my job I would instantly become homeless, and I don't even own a car to sleep in if I wanted to walk away from my job….besides the location is nice and I have more friends here then I have ever had in all my life.

    After taxes, rent, and the wages that the state of NH garnishes from my paycheck are all taken out…I bring home about $250-$285 every 2 weeks. May not be much but enough to buy food, laundry/bathroom supplies, & internet. Just not enough to pay medical bills or save to live without a job.

  • http://castlesita.wordpress.com/ Nina

    This is excellent and makes me want to do ninja moves right now! :D

    I've declared my public proclamation of independence today: that I'm taking steps to realize my dreams of being an independent writer/artist. It's scary as hell and I don't know how things are going to pan out. But in the end, like you always say, you only live once, so DO IT! Why voluntarily stay in an unhappy situation just because you don't know what else to do or how else to pursue your true passions? It's not just stupid, it's sad. There will always be arguments for and against leaving a comfortable day job. In the end, it is up to the person him/herself to choose the life they want to live. Live according to others' standards and be miserable or live up to your potential and be happy? I am totally up for the latter.

    Thanks for being so kick ass!

    • Anonymous

      Nina – you are going to do big things. Mark my words.

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  • Lghere

    Oh oh oh oh oh. I think you are my alter ego. I'm an idiot, though. I preach all this, but don't practice. I know why I don't. The hard cold truth is because I'm still (again) living my life for someone else, made “room in my life” for someone else, and THEIR someone else, and now there's no room in it for ME. Wtf? Ok. So. Financials preclude a change in that circumstance for now. And to change it would also require me to be a horrible hard-hearted cold-core beyotch. So I try to dig out time for ME, and it's almost impossible. (And I'm pretty selfish with myself, not much of a “giver,” just do what needs doing.) And yeah, financials, when work takes almost all your free time and energy and that's not changeable (not due to greed but due to necessity), it's a trap, you're right. A self-imposed prison, yes. Things aren't always so simple. When you parse it out, it *seems* simple, but a divided heart can't be whole with either choice. So choose self, or else live a wasted, martyred life?

    • Anonymous

      Relationships complicate things A LOT. I wish I could give some advice in this arena, but it’s one of those things that many of us get into, and in order to have a successful relationship, you’ve got to sacrifice–oftentimes, yourself. I’ve been there in the past – it’s HARD. And I’ve also lived paycheck to paycheck in the past – also HARD. The key is to take things in baby steps – make one positive move toward a goal each day, even if it’s very small, and eventually, in 100 babysteps, you’ll find yourself in a new place.

    • Kelly

      Lghere,
      If you feel like your life is “wasted, martyred” because of being with this “someone else and their someone else”, then the most compassionate thing to do (for both you and them) might be to excuse yourself and leave. just sayin’

      • Lghere07

        Really…I didn’t think of that? Oh yeah, I thought of that. Which is why I did say the financial situation precluded that possibility at the moment. Which is not to say I am not working toward changing that – because I am. Not just sitting bemoaning and doing nothing. And it’s not so simple, of course. For instance, I can’t just “excuse myself and leave.” It’s *my* house. There is a person involved who comes from a difficult homelife who doesn’t deserve my withdrawing this stability from them – even though it wouldn’t be “my fault,” I still feel for this other person. It’s NOT compassionate for *this* other person to force them out. It’s just not. But that’s not my fault. However, there has been added information to the situation which has crossed a line into untenable. I must wait until it becomes feasible. I don’t choose “martyrdom.” I don’t believe in it – I hate it. But feel I’ve been forced unawares into it, repeatedly – by ignorance, or stupidity, not by desire. And ‘struth that the majority of my life HAS been “wasted.” Which is not to say that I’m not still trying to change that. There’s just often a soul-wrenching decision that needs to be made – I’m not even going to go there with other soul-wrenching decisions that have been required in my life – you don’t know my life. All you need to know is – it’s not always so simple as to merely be able to “excuse yourself and leave.” Not at all simple. It’s all much more complicated than it might appear not knowing the details, and perhaps more complicated for older generations than it might be for newer generations due to the upbringings and the like. But that doesn’t mean a person isn’t doing the best they can to get where they need to be, cognizant of the fact that where they are NOW – is not where they should be. Just sayin’

  • http://whollyafool.wordpress.com/ Michelle

    Your posts are amazing and constantly inspiring. These are the same excuses I hear coming from other people all the time, and I think sometimes I have heard them so consistently my entire life that they've become my excuses too. Thanks for the wake-up call.

    • Anonymous

      Most of us take on the beliefs of the collective, assuming they are the “right” thing, when in reality, they’re just the popular thing.

  • LuckyBiker

    Great post!

    I've found that all of these excuses are based in fear. Fear can be really, really hard to overcome, especially if some of your dream zappers are people important to you. These people will teach you to zap your own dreams, because of their fears.

    But it can help to stare right at your fear and ask “what have you got?” Usually, it's not much. What's the worst thing that could happen if your business fails? You'll end up homeless and penniless and starve to death in some alley?

    Under closer examination, chances are that if you really bottomed out like that, you could crash on a friend's couch until you got a job…

    If you don't take some risks now and then, you won't go anywhere or do anything, which means you're just waiting until you die. Which is kind of a drag.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been in a homeless situation in the past, and was able to make it through thanks to a few good friends, my car, and the knowledge that this, too, will pass. NOTHING is as bad as knowing that you didn’t live up to your own potential – the guilt will eat you alive for the rest of your life.

  • http://www.thelifething.com Go Jonny Go

    “You are the sum of the things that you do” – Each day is a brick and by concentrating on laying each brick as perfectly as you can, over time this leads to the perfect house.

    Yeah I know, deep right :)

    • Anonymous

      SUPER DEEP. Leave it to you, Jonny. ;)

  • Anjipants

    Thank you! This post came at just the right time! I am currently contemplating taking my leap and I just had a similar conversation with my friend about my wanting to be a graphic designer. I am going to school for it now but kept on using excuse #1 and 4. But I DO know how, I just wasnt confident enough. Fake it til you make it! I am going to get some business cards made and start freelancing. What I dont know right away, I will learn! My friend said “Your client doesnt have to know all the BS behind the work, they just want the final product.” So true! Thanks again for the inspiration!

    • TMFproject

      @Anjipants
      No one ever knows all of the answers–one's craft is always a work in progress. If you can keep that in mind, then gaining the confidence isn't as hard. What your friend said here is true–clients don't care about the process…they care about what you're giving them in the end. Keep it up, and keep us posted!

  • http://www.novarella.blogspot.com Nova

    Thanks, I needed a pep-talk today.

    • TMFproject

      @Nova
      Keep us posted. ;)

  • http://youtube.com/BobbySoFamous BobbySoFamous

    I think a big hindrance is actually finding out what your passion is. If you're too ADD to settle on one or two things, it can get tough.

    • TMFproject

      @BobbySoFamous
      I'm against pigeonholing yourself into just one thing–you've got more passions? Start juggling, baby. Why limit yourself? Or look for ways to combine elements. Si?

  • http://www.thewaythatyouwander.com Nate

    First, way to go with the email consulting. That's killer.

    Now, all of these excuses make me cringe as well. “I don't have the money” is what I can realllly relate to. For instance, if I had the money to do so, I would be traveling right now. End of story.

    So, lack of funds can absolutely be a huge road block. BUT, it's still not really an excuse, because there is no reason why you can't start a business or work on some kind of income generation that will give you that money you need to make shit happen, even if it isn't right now. That's why I'm working my ass off constantly on my business no matter what, to take care of that lack of money excuse and throw it out the window.

    Very good post! Like I even need to say that.

    • TMFproject

      @Nate
      Yes, yes and yes. Money is not an obstacle; only a temporary challenge. You WILL be traveling, because you're not letting that element get in your way. Kudos kudos kudos to you! Really looking forward to following you and your adventure, starting in March.

  • http://beautyinthedirt.blogspot.com/ Kelly

    AWESOME advice and a great reminder to “get it started”, thanks.

    • TMFproject

      @Kelly
      Yeah, baby! Get it going!

  • phyllis

    Great post. So true that we get in our own way. nice kick today – love your about the author description.

    • TMFproject

      @Phyllis
      Welcome to the site! Great to see new faces. :)

  • http://lifedecomplicated.wordpress.com/ David Grove

    Your point on money got me thinking. Why do we base our entire existence on money ? Why do we equate our dreams with money – How much will my dream cost ? And how much will it make for me ? I'm pretty sure most dreams are zapped by this insane obsession with $$$

    It takes huge insight and guts to break free from this restrictive lifestyle but I sure as hell intend continuing my walk to freedom.

    • TMFproject

      @David
      Unfortunately, money is the way we've been socialized to recognize success. In any other terms, it's entirely arbitrary and in reality, is nothing more than a bartering system in place to be able to acquire goods. As long as we have enough money necessary to acquire the goods we need, there isn't much point in earning tons of money in excess–only for prestige and additional security.

  • Donna

    I agree for most fields a degree is not always necessary. For what I want to do (psychologist) I need a master's degree and to become licensed. However, it's so true that people use the excuse for procrastinating. Even if you do need a degree, chances are that you can already start volunteer or other work in the field and start getting experience!

    Speaking of which, it's really timely motivation for me. I really needed to read this today. Thanks for making this post!

    • TMFproject

      @Donna
      You're right–for some fields, a degree is absolutely necessary–like psychology, and especially depending on what you want to do with it. :) Best of luck to you! Keep it up!

  • http://frombottomup.com/ Hulbert

    Hey this is cool. I actually just interviewed someone who dropped out of college, ended up moving to South Africa, and pursued his dream of doing what he loved.

    And when you said, you don't have to have a degree in “X”, I could kind of see this because he told me that in one year (I think it was the year 2006), about 80% of the CEO's in Britain didn't have a higher education than a high school degree.

    I just think that this shows you don't need to be crazy smart in order to achieve a dream that you have. It would help, but I think being determined is much more valuable asset to have. Like you say, have faith in yourself!

    Thanks for this Ashley.

    • TMFproject

      @Hulbert
      I've met so many incredible people who have actually dropped out of high school and ended up doing spectacular things–oftentimes because they didn't let the system limit them, and were still able to think big and have enough confidence in themselves to give it a go. And it's also true that no matter what, you can ALWAYS return to school later, if that's what you'd like to pursue. There isn't a time limit on these things. :) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

  • http://joelrunyon.com/two3 Joel Runyon | [BIT]

    Ash, love this. I wrote on the same thing this morning! http://www.joelrunyon.com/two3/getting-a-bike-k…

    All the stuff you think you need to have in order to do something well? Start without it, figure out how to make it work and do it!

    • TMFproject

      @Joel
      Right on, brotha! Figure out a way to make it work, and give it a shot. Sometimes you'll experience successful results, and other times not, but it's far better to try and know, than to never have tried at all and always wonder.

  • YoGirly

    Thank you for this post. You don't even know how timely this is in my own life. I am on the verge of taking the leap and from moment to moment my attitude seems to change.

    Just when I think I'm so far away from the dream, something like this post comes along and I realize how far I have actually come!

    Thank you again and I will be sure to follow!

    • TMFproject

      @YoGirly
      Don't leave us hanging–what's the leap you're about to take? We'd love to hear it. All of the positive energy and shared positive experiences can only serve to benefit. Rock it!

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