Category: Creative Writing

“Someday, I’m going to drop dead, and you’re not going to know how to cook squat.” She said it at least once a week. Maybe more. I’d always snubbed my nose at the kitchen; at the trout heads and ground beef balls, the fresh-picked parsley and the pasta fazool. She was always looking for opportunities to teach me how to cook so I didn’t “end up serving my future family that Spaghettio’s crap,” but I know now that what she

You know when you’re in a group of people… …and you start telling a story, and that one jerkoff starts talking over you, hollering at the waitress mid-sentence, or answering the phone, or by turning to say something to somebody else, and then all of the sudden you don’t really know if you’re suppose to keep telling the story, or pause and wait to tell the story, orrrrrrrrr ??? So in a blind social anxiety panic you don’t pause to

You know that moment when you’re nonchalantly cradling your mother’s urn in the elevator on your way to your apartment, and suddenly the elevator halts to a stop and 5 other people decide to get on, so you sort of panic because you don’t know if they know that you’re carrying A DEAD PERSON? So you quickly make a joke about it in case they DO know, to relieve any awkwardness, because you’re good at making jokes in awkward situations,

There’s a lot of horse shit going around the internet these days about “writing from the heart” and eliciting emotion in your readers/audience/customers/landlords. Okay, so not landlords. And you get it. You know it’s important. Because nobody wants to buy from a faceless mime. But what you don’t know is how to actually do it. In your best attempts, you end up with something that still feels generic, forced, trite and/or overly earnest. You write things like, “Live a life

I’m often asked: What’s the best way to make an emotional connection with your writing? The answer, of course, is obvious: Talk badly about every single one of your neighbors (we can all relate)…and use a pen name. Kidding. But I do get asked this question a lot. And my answer is always the same. The best way to make an emotional connection with them through your writing… …is to make an emotional connection with yourself, first. (Do not go

Sometimes, you stare at the screen. And you stare at the screen. And then you go get a bagel. And then you stare at the screen. *whips out nail file* *stares at cuticles* *stares at screen* *stares at cuticles* *wonders how many dead skin cells fall into keyboard during average workday* And then you tell yourself you’ve had enough. You’re going to get down to business. You make a stern face. You furrow your eyebrows. You turn off Spotify, and