ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

Learn More >>

How to Sell Anything With Words–Including a Used Ceiling Fan

In: WTF, Writing WHY ARE YOU HARD

I'm about to cry.

I'm about to cry because I am so filthy proud of one of my former copywriting students.

When wrapping up our last conversation on writing take-'em-to-their-knees product descriptions, I left her with a challenge:

Look around your room. The first three items you see? Sell them to me.

The rationale, of course, is that if you can learn to effectively sell the most commonplace items, you can sell anything.

For our purposes we're talking about selling through words, of course, but this applies to any type of selling.

It's an excellent exercise—go ahead. Look around your room. What would you say to someone if you had to sell them your used air conditioner? Your old threadbare carpet? That 1920's record player? A chipped coffee cup?

As always, it's about taking whatever you're selling, and creating an emotional experience out of it—one that's in line with an emotional experience your target audience is seeking to have.

And my student? Fucking nailed it. Here's what she wrote.

1. Ceiling Fan

You took your time picking out the perfect house.

The 1967 Italian hardwood floors reminded you of that one summer you both nestled up during a rainstorm underneath a disheveled, little hut off the coast of Venice.

104 hours of seductively smitten, clothing-optional gratification.

You knew immediately he was the one after he whispered I’m completely yours at 4 o’clock in the morning when he thought you were asleep.

You weren’t.

And you smiled because

Instincts matter.

The tiniest details matter.

You haven’t settled yet, so why would you settle for just any run-of-the-mill ceiling fan in your adorably, perfect sanctuary for two?

Our Monte Carlo Centrifico Ceiling Fan is the perfect mix of unmistakably sensible and devilishly spontaneous.

It says I’m here for you + I dare you not to love me.

Because you thought perfection was impossible to find.

Until now.

 

2. Mirror

“You look nice” isn't going to cut it.

Save nice for your grandma’s sweater and that pink ballerina outfit you wore when you were 7.

Now, look yourself in your Seville Glossy Red Mirror and say you’re sorry.

Because no one ever felt smoldering, sexy, or stunning looking nice.

Well, maybe Beyonce.

But you’re not Beyonce.

You’re you and guess what? That’s more than enough.

Because you don’t need to sell out stadiums or make millions to feel like a million bucks.

You just have to strut like you do.

So tell the world who you are.

And let the others have nice.

 

3. Chest of Drawers

You play it cool in your fitted jeans and cotton tee-shirt. You're down to earth. Practical. Level-headed. Unassuming.

But your vintage French boudoir knows better.

The secrets those outfits could remember should only be whispered in the strictest of confidence. Secrets that would provoke a loosening of the tie and a flush of candy-apple red.

Introducing Vanguard’s line of Milk Mirrored Dressers.

It’s not the secrets you put in; it’s the ones you’re willing to take out.

And since your guilty pleasures deserve to be treated with the utmost care

From start to storage…

This secret’s on the house.

We’ll leave the rest up to you.

Go ahead.

Peek inside.

 

7,406

READS

How to Stop Writing With a Stick Up Your Ass

One of the things I get asked about forty hundred times a day (besides whether or not I know there’s a hair sprouting from my chin) is this: Where’s the line between personality and unprofessional? Because apparently I’m known for walking the line between mental inspiration and mental institution—as every writer worth their weight should. […]

In: WTF, Writing WHY ARE YOU HARD

READ MORE >>

10,741

READS

A Dead Simple Way to Write a Creative Bio (Without Crying) (Or Wall Punching) (Awkward, You Guys)

Most people dread introducing themselves in general, but ask someone to introduce themselves in writing, and you’ve just added another unwelcome layer of pressure: Now you’ve got to WRITE WELL ON TOP OF IT. And, you know, say witty things. That you’re committing to paper. While being judged by everyone who reads it. Because isn’t […]

In: WTF, Writing WHY ARE YOU HARD

READ MORE >>

3,322

READS

The Real Trick to Brilliant Writing

You know what makes for brilliant writing? Not what you say, but the way you say it. The execution. The way you jockey your message onto a page. There are 354 different ways to tell any story. (Exact figure, give or take a few thousand or so.) You can start at the beginning, or you […]

In: WTF, Writing WHY ARE YOU HARD

READ MORE >>

856

READS

Poets & Killers Get Rich

There are two groups of people: Poets & killers. The poets are running around with their heart placed firmly on their sleeve, hoping that if they do authentic work, it’ll sell itself. The killers, on the other hand, are running around selling everything, none of which is actually authentic, nor genuine, nor useful. (We call […]

In: WTF, Writing WHY ARE YOU HARD

READ MORE >>

3,540

READS

Why Screaming Won’t Get You Heard.

You know when you’re in a group of people… …and you start telling a story, and that one jerkoff starts talking over you, hollering at the waitress mid-sentence, or answering the phone, or by turning to say something to somebody else, and then all of the sudden you don’t really know if you’re suppose to […]

In: WTF, Writing WHY ARE YOU HARD

READ MORE >>

Exclusive VIP Access

Join The Middle Finger Project mafia—over 75,000+ disobedient humans strong—and as a welcome gift (which I promise won’t be a thug named Vinny), I’ll send you a top secret discount code for our best-selling courses, kits and workshops. Because #SOLIDARITY.

It’s free, and you’ll also get new posts every week, plus at least one GIF of Betty White for the win.

Privacy Policy Info Here