ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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How to Be Taken Seriously in Biz + Life. (Does Not Apply to Douchebags, The President, or Anyone With The Name Barbie.)

In: Starting an Online Business

Ever jump in a pool fully clothed?

You gotta try it.

Borderline rebellious, without landing you a spot in jail, or any unplanned pregnancies. (Usually.)

I'm pretty sure I've jumped into more pools clothed than the average human being, which must qualify me for something. Something other than the insane asylum. Or the WWF.

My favorite occasion, since we're clearly having a discussion about this, was at a national sales conference in Atlanta, Georgia. There we were, myself and the other top producers in the nation, after a long day of meetings. Naturally we're all in suits. Mine was from Victoria's Secret. It was a skirt suit. Pencil, to be exact.

The hotel bar was closed, so the next best thing, of course, was the indoor pool area.

Joe Schmo and Bob the Builder were sighing about how they wished they could swim; meanwhile, I took one look around me and…knew what must be done. *cue ancient Chinese gong*

This would take jumping-in-clothed to a whole new level.

And I was ready.

Before anyone knew what was happening, I held my nose and took a running start toward the deep end.

When I surfaced, the looks on their faces was a hybrid of shock, delight and WTF.

And then, before I knew it, one by one they, too, tossed off their shoes and cannonballed in, business suit and all. (One guy stripped down to his boxers. He doesn't count.)

What a blast we had.

I remembered this story yesterday, as I chased an obnoxiously large frog around my pool here in Costa Rica, trying to capture him in a plastic bag so I could bring him to my tub and examine him more closely.

I don't know why. I just do that kind of shit.

And the point is that all of this reminded me of something I've been meaning to mention here on the blog, which is the difference between being serious and being taken seriously.

You don't have to be serious to be taken seriously.

There's a difference.

When I know my shit, and I knock it out of the park every single time, no questions asked, you bet your ass you'll be taking me seriously.

When you're superhuman at what you do, it affords you the luxury to have some fun with it, too.

Oftentimes, I see small business owners hesitating too much.

Hesitating to be themselves.

Hesitating to put it out there.

Hesitating to have fun.

Hesitating to run their own business they way they secretly want to.

Because they're scared they won't be viewed as professional.

Or they won't be taken seriously.

And then they're going to go bankrupt and live off a steady diet of corn flakes and slices of processed cheese–the orange kind.

I've got news for you.

When you do your job better than any other motherfucker out there?

That's pretty serious.

And you will be taken seriously.

The caveat? As long as you actually know what you're doing.

On the other hand, if you don't actually know what you're doing–say, you're some random Tommy Numb Nuts with no background in anything who just decides to start “coaching” people–then you probably should be worrying about this.

Because no one's ever going to take you seriously–whether you act serious or not–because you're work is not seriously good.

Now that I've hit that pleasant note, I'm off to do some more writing in my hammock.

This was this morning:

 

Because you know why?

That book I've been talking about?

She's getting written, baby.

When I say I'm going to do something, I damn well do it.

And if you're gonna roll with me, you damn well better be following through on your INTOXICATE 2012 ideas, too.

Let's GO.

It's time for you to show the world who's boss.

It's time to start getting taken seriously.

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother's Blog.

Aug 5

2017

“My Brand is Boring As Fuck. With a Capital F.”

Aug 5, 2017

Andddddd it’s a wrap! We took The Cotswolds by motherloving storm this past week, as I led a cozy, intimate business retreat with five killer women in the English countryside, complete with fireside chats, darling little pubs, open-air picnics, tons of peppermint tea, and, of course, trekking around in our wellies through refreshingly moist meadows […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Jan 1

2014

THE BUSINESS BLACKLIST: If You’re Doing Any of These 6 Things, STOP IMMEDIATELY.

Jan 1, 2014

1. The first thing on the No B.S. Business Blacklist? Putting up an auto-responder that tells all of your customers that “in the name of productivity” you’re only checking your email at 7am, 12pm and 4pm.  Can everybody that’s doing this go fuck themselves, please? I don’t care about your personal time tables, and you’re wasting […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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May 30

2014

Is Your Package Big Enough?

May 30, 2014

Confess. You’re reading this because the title made you think of male genitalia. (…And now you’re thinking about how weird the word “genitalia” sounds.) I know, I know. I tried to avoid it, but really, I can’t. Because today’s tip is about packaging your service or product offerings, so why be modest? I’m not even […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Dec 19

2013

Are You a Dangerous Liability In Your Own Business?

Dec 19, 2013

How many books do you have in your Kindle library that you haven’t read yet? How many times have you said to yourself, “I should really learn how to write better copy,” or “I should really learn Photoshop,” or “I should really learn how to shower more regularly instead of rotting away in my yoga pants […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Jun 5

2017

So You’ve Got a Great Idea But Have NO Idea Where to Start. (And It’s Making You Angsty and Farty and Paralyzed With Fear.)

Jun 5, 2017

“But we don’t know how.” We were seated at the edge of the bar, nibbling on appetizers and enjoying the sunset. They were two friends, friends with big ideas and big dreams and a bug right up their ass to do something more meaningful and creative with their careers—and their lives. (My favorite kind of […]

In: Starting an Online Business

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Oct 25

2012

An Ode to Baller Status.

Oct 25, 2012

Lather up. Choose the perfume-scented body lotion. Put every last hair into place. Rock your most exquisite piece of clothing. Wink at yourself in the mirror. Pull out the stops. Look fucking smashing. And then get to work. Because when you feel like a baller? YOU ACT LIKE ONE.

In: Starting an Online Business

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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