ASH AMBIRGE

Author, CEO & Founder

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How to Be Taken Seriously in Biz + Life. (Does Not Apply to Douchebags, The President, or Anyone With The Name Barbie.)

In: Starting an Online Business

Ever jump in a pool fully clothed?

You gotta try it.

Borderline rebellious, without landing you a spot in jail, or any unplanned pregnancies. (Usually.)

I'm pretty sure I've jumped into more pools clothed than the average human being, which must qualify me for something. Something other than the insane asylum. Or the WWF.

My favorite occasion, since we're clearly having a discussion about this, was at a national sales conference in Atlanta, Georgia. There we were, myself and the other top producers in the nation, after a long day of meetings. Naturally we're all in suits. Mine was from Victoria's Secret. It was a skirt suit. Pencil, to be exact.

The hotel bar was closed, so the next best thing, of course, was the indoor pool area.

Joe Schmo and Bob the Builder were sighing about how they wished they could swim; meanwhile, I took one look around me and…knew what must be done. *cue ancient Chinese gong*

This would take jumping-in-clothed to a whole new level.

And I was ready.

Before anyone knew what was happening, I held my nose and took a running start toward the deep end.

When I surfaced, the looks on their faces was a hybrid of shock, delight and WTF.

And then, before I knew it, one by one they, too, tossed off their shoes and cannonballed in, business suit and all. (One guy stripped down to his boxers. He doesn't count.)

What a blast we had.

I remembered this story yesterday, as I chased an obnoxiously large frog around my pool here in Costa Rica, trying to capture him in a plastic bag so I could bring him to my tub and examine him more closely.

I don't know why. I just do that kind of shit.

And the point is that all of this reminded me of something I've been meaning to mention here on the blog, which is the difference between being serious and being taken seriously.

You don't have to be serious to be taken seriously.

There's a difference.

When I know my shit, and I knock it out of the park every single time, no questions asked, you bet your ass you'll be taking me seriously.

When you're superhuman at what you do, it affords you the luxury to have some fun with it, too.

Oftentimes, I see small business owners hesitating too much.

Hesitating to be themselves.

Hesitating to put it out there.

Hesitating to have fun.

Hesitating to run their own business they way they secretly want to.

Because they're scared they won't be viewed as professional.

Or they won't be taken seriously.

And then they're going to go bankrupt and live off a steady diet of corn flakes and slices of processed cheese–the orange kind.

I've got news for you.

When you do your job better than any other motherfucker out there?

That's pretty serious.

And you will be taken seriously.

The caveat? As long as you actually know what you're doing.

On the other hand, if you don't actually know what you're doing–say, you're some random Tommy Numb Nuts with no background in anything who just decides to start “coaching” people–then you probably should be worrying about this.

Because no one's ever going to take you seriously–whether you act serious or not–because you're work is not seriously good.

Now that I've hit that pleasant note, I'm off to do some more writing in my hammock.

This was this morning:

 

Because you know why?

That book I've been talking about?

She's getting written, baby.

When I say I'm going to do something, I damn well do it.

And if you're gonna roll with me, you damn well better be following through on your INTOXICATE 2012 ideas, too.

Let's GO.

It's time for you to show the world who's boss.

It's time to start getting taken seriously.

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother's Blog.

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So, listen, I’m not gonna lie—we got to our new London flat this morning, and the second I walked in, I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THE MEANING OF LIFE. (P.S. You’re following these shenanigans via my Insta-stories right?) Which is entirely materialistic of me, of course, but I’m of the age these days where I don’t really care because […]

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Too Shy to Stand Up and Sing Your Own Praises? Start Here, You Humble Little Lovebug, You.

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Someone tells you that you did a great job, and what’s the first thing coming out of your mouth? OH NO BIGGIE, BARB, IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY—NO WORRIES, LEAST I COULD DO! We’re quick to diminish our efforts because taking credit for all the things somehow feels self-important; braggy; boastful; full-of-herself. Do this enough times, […]

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An Ode to Baller Status.

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Lather up. Choose the perfume-scented body lotion. Put every last hair into place. Rock your most exquisite piece of clothing. Wink at yourself in the mirror. Pull out the stops. Look fucking smashing. And then get to work. Because when you feel like a baller? YOU ACT LIKE ONE.

In: Starting an Online Business

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I'm a Bad Influence on Women

Hey, I’m Ash! Twenty years ago I was a small town girl growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania. Fifteen years ago, I lost my family and everything I knew right as I became the first to graduate college. Fourteen years ago, I found myself leaving everything behind for a new life in the city where I could be “normal.” Ten years ago I realized normal was the most disappointing thing that ever happened to me. Nine years ago I quit my job in advertising and pursued my dreams as a creative writer. Eight years ago, I built a 6-figure business doing what I love using nothing more than the Internet and my voice. And now, today, I’m the founder of The Middle Finger Project, an irreverent media co. that helps other women find their voice and teaches them to use it to build whatever the f*ck they want to. With a book coming out with Penguin Random House in February 2020 (YASSS, WE’RE A PRODUCT IN TARGET!) I’m proud to be a bad influence on women and guide them into doing something disobediently brave with their life and their career.

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But no serial killers. I promise I won’t send those.

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